How do I drive 5 hours without fucking killing myself?

Broseph writes:

Have you counted the number of times Brent says he’s going to kill himself?
And I’m out of line?!
C’mon man, let’s not get mad on the internet.

This is kind of irrefutable guys.

Can I be real for a second?

I feel like some of you folks aren’t getting along in the comments. I like to think we are all just chilling at a perpetual house party. It feels like this to me because every time I write on the blog or read the comments I am listening to Daft Punk, or something of comparable content. With that in mind – why are you so MAD? We all like to lift weights and LOVE barbell curls. We all like feet. We all write sad poetry and/or depressing erotica, or at the very least jerk off to it. I just don’t understand why all of us aren’t acting like the internet best friends that we really are.

Though honestly – honestly – and I mean honestly – you don’t have to wish physical harm on Frank’s family. Just be a better athlete than he is.

Broseph also writes:

Frank Yang’s “art” is essentially advertisements for Frank Yang (rather, the persona he wants people to accept.)
He isn’t very original and his work is trite, for the most part. He usually doesn’t makes any significant statement about society, culture, media or… anything really.
Of course, he does produce a few interesting pieces every once in a while but he’s extremely egotistical for no reason at all– he’s not that strong, not very smart and he’s really not that artistic. It’s as though he walked into the library of an art college, picked a book off the shelf and starting picking out things he thought were funny then doing those things and filming them. He really needs to grow the fuck up.

He’s just bored, lacks direction, and is expressing himself through the only outlets he knows. He’s probably aware he’s not making any real statements, and I doubt that’s his actual intention. He’s just fucking bored and spends a lot of time in his own head. If I had never met Justin and made more friends I would have turned out the same way. In fact, before I met Justin and made more friends, I was the same way. Frank Yang and I are dishearteningly similar. People are just more likely to want to want hang out with me.

I got sick this week so didn’t really train that great on Tuesday, other than doing +100lbs on my weighted chins for a PR triple.

I wrote some more erotica though. My prompt for this one was “ice cream”:

We sit in a bathtub filled with strawberry ice cream. It was my idea. I said, “It’d be good for recovery too. Ice baths can reduce inflammation.”

It is sticky and the drain is clogged.

“This was a terrible idea,” she says. “I don’t know how I let you talk me into it.”

“Well it was going to be more romantic than this – ”

“ONE candle. You call ONE unscented candle romantic.”

“Well what about the rose petal trail leading to the bathroom?”

“The one I’ll have to clean up?”

“Look just let me get down there and do my thing,” I say, “I’m hungry and this is my favorite flavor and you’ll get into it eventually.”

She pushes my face away as I approach.

“I feel disgusting. I’m going to shower.” She gets out of the tub. “In the OTHER bathroom.”

I sit shivering in the tub by myself. I wipe a finger through the melting mess and suck on it pensively.

+ + +

(My prompt for this one was “lesbian.”)

She rubbed her clam against the other one’s.

She said ow you’re hurting me.

She said what.

She said I said you’re hurting me.

She said well I told you we should have used more of the lube.

Her response was but it gets so messy more of it gets on the bed than it does on us.

They gave up on rubbing clams. They considered digital manipulation but one had just gotten her nails manicured and the other had not trimmed hers for several weeks.

Finally they decided to rely on their old stand-by with lingual caresses of each other’s clitoral peaks and the surrounding milieu. One clambered atop the other and the bottom said stop it you are poking my eye with what the other said your toes she exclaimed.

When all was said and done they lay sweating with exertion, dissatisfied with the investment of their effort and feeling exasperated. One smoked a cigarette the other did not like the smoke but said nothing.

+ + +

You can draw your own conclusions about the fact that a lot of my erotica is about disappointing and unfulfilling sex.

Joe, the meet is in Alvin. The venue is at the Alvin High School Gymnasium at 802 S. Johnson. I don’t think meets are spectator sports but oly meets are a lot shorter and faster than PL meets – one session comprised of 15 or so lifters is typically done in maybe 2 hours (as in, all attempts for all lifters completed in about 2 hours). I don’t compete until Sunday but have all of Friday and Saturday off. If you want to hang out for the weekend let me know (aren’t we facebook friends now?). I don’t drink alcohol, am not receptive to bars or clubs, and nothing’s going in my butt. Holla atcha boy.

Kittensmash, I don’t understand why you don’t like that people are using memes that aren’t necessarily mine. “It’s fine” is something I said on occasion a while back whenever someone made fun of me, “I don’t have feelings or anything it’s fine,” “Not a big deal or anything it’s fine,” “I didn’t go out of my way or anything it’s fine.” Somehow it became a meme between Mike and Chris, so they’d punctuate every sentence with “it’s fine.” When I noticed this, I started spamming it with them – now a lot of people on 70s big are saying it and we’re just one more internet sub-community with our own memes. There’s nothing wrong with that. Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

Some people have interpreted the memes in the comments as nut-hugging, which would make sense if I were someone people looked up to. I am just a dude with an occasionally amusing blog for people to supplement their other time-sinks.

Leave a comment ?

42 Comments.

  1. I’m interested in learning about other time-sinks. Reading one blog that’s ostensibly about training can only break up the work-day so much you know.

  2. Agree with JC.

    What’s the weirdest thing you have ever found when performing an xray on someone?

  3. That thread is still as funny as when I read it last night.

    I don’t know how I feel about that Strawberry Ice Cream story.

  4. If this blog had a few thousand visits a day before now, it will have tens of thousands a day with Brent’s eloquent erotica series. Personally, I could use more visual character descriptions…hair color, skin color, body type, etc. I mean, if we’re going to go down this road, we might as well do it right.

  5. Seriously. I always leave the party when bros start fighting. It’s cool; I’m back now. Let’s bang out some curls.

    I second matt_15’s question. I worked in an ER for a while, and the docs always told some tall tales, but I never quite believed them. Please confirm.

  6. As for how to drive five hours without fucking killing yourself: I do this all the time. You’re going to need a big bag of peppered beef jerky, some muscle milk, a gallon of water, PIE (definitely not paleo), and a decent audiobook. Occasional stops at SBUX. Sometimes I bring a lacrosse ball so I can unglue my high hammies while I’m driving. This is definitely varsity-level mobility. Be safe.

    • Silentmachinery

      “Sometimes I bring a lacrosse ball so I can unglue my high hammies while I’m driving.”

      This hit me like a revelation

      • Truck drivers will honk/stare at you while you rock back and forth. Ignore them.

        Tip: this will not work if you drive a fancy car with plush seats. I do not.

      • And I’m serious about safety. You don’t want a lax ball lodged under your brake pedal.

  7. Did you forget to write about your workout? And what was your pre-workout meal?

  8. Brent tell us about your girlfriend.

  9. hey Brent maybe you should just say fuck it Imma go out there and starting picking up random women on the street for swolle sessions together.

  10. I found her, guys. She’s pretty hawt.

    http://s4.hubimg.com/u/3613483_f260.jpg

    Good job, Brent man.

  11. I’m flattered that your post had not one, but two of my comments in it.
    Thanks Brent.

    Also,
    How many days a week do you squat?
    It seems like you do the lift (somewhat) frequently.

    I BS 6-7 times a week and FS twice a week. It’s worked out well for the last year. Just wondering what you think of ultra high frequency.

  12. Brent I randomly found your old blog today. It is the 2nd thing that comes up when you search google for norik vardanian. I just wanted to tell you this one is a lot more entertaining.

  13. hi brent, i’m back. it’s been really hard for me to read your blog and not make comments.

    so remember how much i liked the bulgarian approach to pressing? i decided to start applying that to all upper body stuff with DBs while i was in minnesota. it was great, right? yeah, saul saw me PR my DB press last night. ANYWAY, i started the same frequency type of thing with my pull ups, right? i’ve hit at least 25 each day so far.

    also, you know that liver i took from you? i made a pate out of it——–it’s killer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please try it! you can either come over and get some or i can bring some to you when we train together———let me know. or if you don’t have the balls to try it, just say so. it’s ok, i won’t judge.

    anyway, i PRd my, oh shit what’s it called. ah, hip thrusts? that was cool, my butt is shot. i also hit 235 on the DL, but couldn’t celebrate because i pissed my pants three times in that one training session. i had to go to the bathroom and stand naked while i washed my pants because it ran so far down my thighs. hey, you could use that as an erotica prompt. i would like it.

    ok, one last thing. remember when i came over to your apartment and met you friend and roomie and the roomie’s girlfriend? gosh, that was a good night. thanks for the good times.

  14. Brent, I’m writing a horror story loosely based on my life. And you seem to know what you’re doing, so you got any advice or should I fucking kill myself?

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