Last week Jacob showed me a picture on facebook, it was him about to snatch something, and one of the comments said, “how many velociratpors is that?” to which Jacob responded, “That is 8 velociraptors.”

me: dude
dude
“how many velociraptors is that”
jesus
that’s fucking good

Jacob: oh i haven’t told you about that?
sometimes we measure weights in dinosaurs
1 velociraptor weighed up to 33lbs
the largest pterodactyls weighed up to 100lbs
so we use the top end limits

me: RPFLAJSDF
i thought
it was a unit of like how cool something was
but
this is better

Jacob: Put it to use my friend
did you train today?

me: yeah benched and squat one intuitive set of 3

Jacob: how much

me: i benched 255lbs x 3 paused with no belt and squat 365 x 3
which is the first “heavy” squat i’ve done in 3 weeks

Jacob: i’m sorry Brent
i don’t
understand the units of measurement you’re using
try again please

I found out this real hot chick that I saw at USAPL Texas State and Raw Nationals apparently trains at the gym Saul and I just signed up at????? I have not seen her around, which is a good thing, because if I did I would leave the gym and not train that day. I am hoping she trains in the AM so I will just never see her. If she ever appears at the gym while I am training I am going to terminate my workout in the middle of the fucking set and just pack my shit up and leave. She is too hot. I can’t deal with it. I just can’t.

Another thing is – has she noticed me at these meets as well? I mean, I doubt it, which is fine, and in fact I’d actually prefer that. What I’m concerned with is not, “Hmm, I wonder if she finds me remotely attractive,” I am more concerned with her thinking, “Uh I saw this guy at a couple meets and now he is training at my gym? Is he stalking me? What a fucking creeper. By the way nice shorts, faggot.”

There is a cute girl at work who smiles every time I wear the soffe shorts since I usually come from the gym if I work in the afternoon. Today as she was leaving she said, “Bye, Brent, don’t wear those shorts again.”

I said, “I’ve been wearing them every day.”

“Brent Kim. Brent Kim if you wear those shorts again I will never take you seriously.”

“That’s fine.”

Guess I’ll kill myself.

I have two favorite reactions to the soffe shorts so far:

One is from a coworker, a super experienced LVN who is usually unflappable. She’s seen it all and doesn’t give a shit. Dick head patient? She’s a smooth operator. Some fucking weird guy patient hits on her? She’s fucking ice. Doctor being grumpy? She wishes she cared. But I walked in with the shorts and her eyes went wide and she immediately turned away and burst into laughter. It was a pretty good reaction.

Second one was from a random dude from Starbucks and much more subtle but just as enjoyable. I walked in and he was sweeping and he sees me then goes back to what he’s doing, but he makes this face to himself that says, “I guess this is what kids are doing for fucking fun these days.”

Other than that, most guys think I am a fucking loser and girls smile at me like I have a chromosomal abnormality. It’s fine. If we are going to be real tea, this isn’t very different from when I wasn’t wearing the soffe shorts every day.

Training was short but considerably productive today, I snatched up to 220lbs, c+jed up to 260lbs, with the snatch being a baseline that I’d like to hit on a pretty regular basis (and hopefully reach into 230+). The c+j was kinda weak today, though it’s possible with longer rest periods I may have felt better for a little more. The good news is I did not miss any jerks and felt pretty good overhead. Did all this in about 35min, would have liked more time and taken more attempts for both lifts. I’m off tomorrow though and will be training with Saul and Becky, if the squats I do don’t fucking wreck me I’ll see if I can take a fucking swing. I’m thinking that I might get there before Saul, do my squats, have a boba tea and rest and then come back to do the oly shit. Maybe change my tank top while I’m at it.

PS