Daily Archives: July 10, 2011

Monterey’s real cool.

The weather’s been like a solid 60 since I got here, been real pleasant, and I’m consistently impressed with how good the food is here.

Uh – when I got off the plane and met up with Jacob Tsypkin, within about thirty seconds an attractive lady walked past and I did what Justin calls the “full extension point,” which is just how I point at stuff, but he says I deliberately fully extend my elbow along with my index finger, and I said, “who’s that” with no inflected question mark.

Me and Justin have been mobbing, playing StarCraft, and training pretty intuitively, it’s been a solid couple days so far.

The folks at Jacob’s gym are all pretty cool, let me direct you to Nathan’s and Mariah’s blog here with easily two of the best 10/10 A++++++ debut blog posts I’ve ever read. If you enjoy mine you should derive similar enjoyment out of theirs. Note the title of the blog, “ohgodsheslookingatmebetterjuststicktosquatting,” which just on its own does a lot for me.

Gonna get real tea with you guys here, me, Justin, Nate, and Saul played a 4v4 StarCraft 2 match earlier tonight and won a hard fought battle to tell the other team to get fucked.

Let me walk you through a few things –

At the aquarium here we saw this fucking dumb looking piece of shit fish TIME OUT, no, let me save that for next, first I touched a manta ray twice. The second time I touched the manta ray I felt my stomach drop and my skin crawl and got shivers up my back and came real close to puking, was fucking gross. Could have taken or left the texture but mostly left that shit, Mariah was trying to push the idea that they were cute to me but uh cute to me is something like this. Wasn’t really a fan of this.

One of the best parts for me was this dumb looking piece of shit fish which is apparently called a sunfish. This fucking guy was prob retarded, and I can barely type this post without laughing SITTING IN JACOB’S FUCKING CHAIR WHILE JUSTIN IS SLEEPING ON THE COUCH NEXT TO ME, I can barely fucking type this without laughing because Justin’s impression of this fish is so fucking LOL, because this fucking guy doesn’t actually swim, he just kind of drifts real slow and aimlessly and his facial expression doesn’t change, you just see his fins undulating a little bit. So when Justin does the impression he crosses his eyes and holds his mouth half-open like a mouth breather and like holds his arms by his sides with his forearms out and twitches his hands like fins, I fucking die every time he does it.

Mariah has been driving me and Justin around quite a bit the past couple of days and DESPITE WHAT SHE MAY CLAIM she definitely wants to kill us for multiple episodes of poor planning and time management. See her blog post for further information. All events depicted in her write-up can be verified as being 100% accurate.

I think I’ve been to Starbucks every day since I’ve gotten here. This most recent time I went with Nate, and I was buying his coffee so I told the lady –

“Uh we are together but we’re not together,” which she loved. Nate was wearing his pajama pants. She asked if we were on our honeymoon. Then I started to say my order but my voice cracked, so I started over, and she loved that too. Then she didn’t know what I was ordering because the iced cocoa cappucino is a seasonal drink so I mean I’m looking like a real fucking cock sucker here, I asked her, “Am I ruining your day right now” and she answered “not entirely” oooh KAY. Then when Nate ordered his drink she asked him “cream? sugar?” and when she said sugar I said “sugar is an inflammatory” and she just looked at me WITH NO FUCKING RESPONSE so she rang us up and gave us the receipt and said thanks guys and I took the receipt and turned real fast and said “WELL SEE YA LATER.” We walked away and Nate said,

“That was pretty bad.”

So then we just tried to stay out of sight in the corner and fucking killed ourselves.

Jacob’s roommate Bill is this Army SF guy who’s real laid back and cool but goes to the gym to get real fucking serious, when the gym was about to start their metcon, Bill said to no one in particular, “I’d rather slam my balls in a car door than do this,” and Jake Briskin from 20 feet away continued mobbing and said “ooh KAY.” Bill’s said a lot of awesome shit in the short cumulative time that I’ve been in the same room as him but one awesome line tonight was, “If I can do it drunk it’s not a sport and that includes bowling, golf, and driving.”

He had said that because we were on the subject of what is and isn’t a sport and of course baseball came up. We definitively established that baseball was, in fact, not a sport, and that StarCraft 2 was. When asked to provide the athletic criterion by which SC2 could be considered a sport I countered with “how fucking fast can you move the mouse pointer from A to B” and that was a solid gg.

Jake Briskin, by the way, his idea of saying hello is to punch you in the stomach. He drives with his hands at 10 and 2 at all times. He also listens to the Barber of Seville, it’s on his fucking ipod shuffle, I called it “the Barbarossa of Figuero” which he thought was real funny since it made me sound real fucking ignorant. He’s also left handed which makes playing StarCraft 2 real difficult for him. When he plays Modern Warfare he has to fucking take his left hand off the mouse and hit the “R” key to reload. His life fucking sucks. But he is a real cool guy and trains real hard and I wish we could lift together on a regular basis. If you are saying “aww” or “no homo” or “sounds like bro love,” would you kindly please get fucked.

Jacob’s been nothing but a complete gentleman and a gracious host for out entire stay here. Kindness, compassion, and caring are all qualities that Jacob has in rather extreme abundance. Great guy, you’ll never meet someone nicer.

I should note that Monterey, CA is prob the only place I’ve visited in my life where I have not spent the majority of my time wanting to fucking kill myself. Other than maybe Austin, TX. This may be because one of the reasons I’m here is to fucking lift weights, as opposed to sight-seeing and being a virgin Mormon tourist like I would in a typical vacation. I lead an unbalanced and singular-purposed life, not a big deal or anything, I don’t need to branch out more and actually get a personality, that’d be completely superfluous imo.

It’s been pretty cool so far. I can’t wait to go back to DFW and train foreveralone.jpg in a globo gym, eat sub-par food at shitty restaurants, and play StarCraft 2 alone in my bedroom (I’ve been playing it sitting in a chair 5 feet away from Justin).

I trained shirtless in my singlet with the straps down on Friday with Justin, Nate, and Jake, and we all banged out some barbell curls and posed for pictures together after we got a legit pump going. That should tell you all you need to know about how fucking awesome my training was this week.