Here are some of the submitted mustaches that made the cut. No winner has been chosen yet. You might be able to influence this in the comments…
When (not if) you make fun of someone, keep it light hearted. I didn’t collect all of the contestants’ names because that would have been a lot of sifting through e-mail. If you see your picture, you can claim it to the commentors. I have numbered the pictures so we can reference them easier. Once you have scoped the pictures out, vote at the bottom of the post for your favorite. Tomorrow we will have a vote off between the highest voted ‘staches.
In no particular order:
Chris just left for a much needed vacation before he dials his training in to get ready for the USAPL Raw National Championship in July. He and his family were planing the plane (which must be the opposite of the term “de-plane” the flight attendants always use), and Chris found himself in a precarious situation. After he shambled down the aisle of the plane and squeezed himself into the seat row, he made an attempt at sitting down. Buuuuuut, he couldn’t. You see, his 6′, 275 pound body didn’t fit in the seat. What could they do?
Well, this is a guy who broke five chairs in a week’s time not too long ago. Between going to school, training at the gym, and drinking beer at a bar, Chris managed to render five chairs inoperable…on accident. So what the hell were they doing to do with him on the plane?
Clearly the only solution was to move him to first class. It makes sense, after all. Do not anger the large man. Do what he says. Oh, you want some beer on your flight? Yes sir, Mr. 70’s Big, right away sir. Anything else sir?
Yes it’s true, the quest to 70’s Big has its perks.
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Strength+ Magazine
There’s a new online magazine that is dedicated to Olympic Weightlifting that just started. This is good because there aren’t many resources for American weightlifting, and that’s unfortunate. The magazine is called “Strength+” and is written and edited by Rachel Crass and Robert Hall. This first issue has a few athlete articles (notably on Kendrick Farris, the superstar of American weightlifting), an article about the French national team, and results and photos from the Arnold Classic.
‘Tis PR Friday lads and lasses, and that means you get to post your personal records in lifting, clothing ripped, eating, and bodyweight increases. I just saw someone ferociously rip their shorts when they were squatting yesterday. It brought a tear to my eye.
Oh, and the 70’s Big Twitter page was just launched. We’ll try to make it funny.
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Greetings!
We’ve been shipping out the t-shirt orders and there have been a bunch of orders from around the world; Ireland, the UK, Norway, Germany, Switzerland, and Australia all contain people who are on the quest to 70’s Big. I’d like to personally extend a greeting to all of the international readers and welcome you all to post in the comments this weekend to drop us a line. I’ve never been out of the U.S., so this is particularly fascinating to be reaching anybody across the world.
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The Mustaches of May Contest
Starting in May 70’s Big will have a picture contest centered around a particular theme every month. Whoever has the best picture in May will win a 70’s Big t-shirt. The theme of May’s contest is mustaches, so the submitter must include a picture of them wearing some kind of stellar ‘stache. This is open to both males and females, but females are strongly encouraged to not grow a mustache for this event. The mustache doesn’t have to be real, but you’d have to think of something pretty damn clever to win on a fake ‘stache.
Some rules off the top of my head include:
– No male nudity. Ever.
– Female nudity won’t be posted on the site.
– Don’t send me something that is going to piss people off (racial or violent stuff), and if you are doing something religious, it shouldn’t mock the religion but pay homage to it.
Ultimately, just use good sense. Don’t ruin this for everyone else.
From last weekend's meet (L to R): Brent, Mike, Kilgore, Justin, and Chris
“I don’t want to sound like a queer or nothin’, but unicorns are kick ass!”
Skinny Guy, I want you to know that I care. I pity you.
I pity your cute little legs and your hunched shoulders. You hunch them so that you can flex your trunk easier in order to continuously flex your abs. A whimsical breeze could hit you at an angle that would knock your shirt clean off! If you can’t dazzle them with size, then cut their pupils with your 1280×1024 resolution abs.
Alas! Your abominable abdominals don’t have much utility outside of a non-hetero vampire movie. But don’t worry, Uncle Justin wants what’s best for you. I want you to be strong so that if when the inevitable zombie outbreak or nuclear holocaust occurs (whichever comes first), then you’ll be of some use to the rest of us.
“How can I do it? I have gone so many years without consuming a solid meal that I don’t know where to begin!” I hear your plight, Skinny Guy. Luckily, mainstream media is here to the rescue. They took time out of their busy schedule of updating us on American Idol and verbally performing fellatio on the head of the state to teach Skinny Guy what to eat.
The bun-free (“so meaty, there’s no room”) sandwich features two pieces of bacon, two slices of melted cheese and “Colonel’s Sauce” – which KFC officials said is a “zesty mayonnaise” — slathered between two chicken filets, either original recipe (540 calories and 32 fat grams per KFC.com) or the slightly slimmer grilled version (460 calories and 23 fat grams).
KFC Doubledown
Look at that, Skinny Guy. This is your density! Or something…
I especially like how the Chicken Ranch Taco Salad at Taco Bell weighs in at 910 calories and is apparently the second most caloric item on the menu. I also love how all of the blogs around the country are flipping their shit over this, as if caloric food is somethingnew. The stupid-ass Huffington Post says they are “going too far” (Fun Fact of the Day: The Huffington Post linked to 70’s Big at the end of last year…well, okay, someone in the comments linked to us, but I found it amusing nonetheless). Everyone will try to shame the KFC, but I will stand against convention and tyranny and say, “Thank you, KFC, for caring about all of the Skinny Guys out there. You make my job easier.”
