Demonic Drivel Dynamically Defies Dudes

Posted on January 5, 2010 by Justin

“He’s fading. He needs Elvish medicine.”

You’re training hard, right? You go in the gym or garage, do stuff that is hard, and you feel better about yourself. Some times, you may not feel a little tired, but you think, “Man, I don’t want Mark Rippetoe or any of my friends on 70’s Big to call me a pussy, so I’ll train (choo choo) anyway.” And that’s how it goes.

Well, proceed with caution, my friends. Eventually that tired feeling may be a bit more than the “I’m sleepy blues”. You may actually have HIV, or some derivative thereof. Okay, maybe a little less severe, but you may be legitimately sick, and training may even exacerbate your condition.

The other day I had a PR on a sloppy snatch day (that never gets old). I got 127.5, and proceeded to miss 130 three times even though I racked it overhead each time. Later, I was pinned by a 155 kilo clean and was baffled (I’ve done 165 and front squatted 170 for a few triples after training the week before Christmas). Well, turns out I was in the beginning stages of having what I am convinced is some horrific ancient ailment, one that only Elvish medicine can cure. Saturday evening I was on my deathbed for 18 hours with a fever from hell, chills, and had aches and pains that were analogous to getting my ass kicked by fourteen hoodlums that looked like Doug Young.

There were a few hours on Saturday where I felt like I could actually train, but I didn’t because I was busy coaching. Had I done so, it probably would have left me worse off than I eventually was on Saturday evening. Furthermore, I thought I was just having a shitty training session on Thursday, but it was actually the development of the devilish disease that dawned demonically with dastardly defiance.

You will learn through time what the difference is between a sniveling cold that you can train through and dark magic. Accept the fact that you may not know this difference right now, and take caution when you feel a bit under the weather. If you suspect that training will make your condition worse, you have my permission to take the day off. Be careful out there…the world can be a dangerous place.

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Do you guys remember that picture of Yosh, the dude who deadlifted 480 at a body weight of 165? Well he weighs 182 now. Partly because he ate 8 McDoubles at once. Jesus, I know. It was 3,120 calories and 176 grams of protein. Nice job, Yosh. You set the bar.

It would have been better if he wrote that in with a marker

8 McDoubles

When You’re Down and You Can’t Let Go

Posted on December 16, 2009 by Justin

“Oh look, a deli meat!”

“Nobody should be training if they haven’t had any coffee.”
This was an important lesson I learned from Rip many months ago. A warm cup of joe can rejuvenate your mood, warm your loins, and give you a convenient caffeine energy boost.

In order to be useful, your coffee needs to be bold…like your attitude. And America. And my pal Spence, a fighter pilot who grows stronger to battle G-tolerance and enemies who defy him in the air.

A fighter pilot’s breakfast: coffee with a shot of jet fuel, napalm, and a side of death.

Coffee gives you an extra kick when your mind and body feel tired. In fact, sometimes it’s the only thing that can get you prepped for the stress you are about to impart on your body. You can’t get this done with Folgers; you need something dark enough to produce the kick. Caffeine pills can’t accomplish the same thing either; it must have something to do with the the powerful aroma and the boiling liquid coating your belly. Most problems that occur in training are usually correlated with a lack of coffee.

AC likes joe in his mouth in the morning

The Truth

Posted on December 9, 2009 by Justin

Girls heart guys that are 70’s Big

I got an e-mail from someone asking me to do a favor. They wanted me to talk about love today. I’m a nice guy so I agreed, and now I have to pull something out of my ass.

I’ve always considered love to be one of those things that is necessary for happiness. That could mean the love of doing, the love of things, or the love for someone — all of that shit. I’m probably one of those people who will be happiest being in love with someone while doing the things that I love — and the same probably goes for most people.

It’s a pretty big deal if you can find someone that not only has all of the qualities you would look for, but also when that person loves you in return. For example, if you are a guy named Craig, then you might be in the midst of having a really happy anniversary with your lovely wife, Dana. That’s right, Craig, your wife loves you so much that she weasled her way into having me write about love today.

Now, I don’t believe in luck or anything like that, but I wonder what kind of shit Craig pulled to find himself in a situation with a caring wife like Dana. You’re a lucky guy, Craig; you’ve got a woman who cares about you and hearts guys that are 70’s Big. Must be nice.

You two love birds have a good anniversary, ya hear?

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The obligatory Meatloaf video:

And here is some lifting to stay in theme.

Picture Time

Posted on November 2, 2009 by Justin

Well, Halloween was a success. Too much of a success. I’m only gonna post some pictures because my brain is still recovering. The pictures I have are pretty good, so keep them coming.

This here is Stephen from Cincinnati. As you can tell, he’s got it goin’ on.

Nice use of the stache and ladies.

Tossing women over his shoulder!

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These pictures are from some Air Force guys in Las Vegas at Nellis AFB. The gentlemen of the 58th RQS had a “wear your costume to work” day in their unit. All in a day’s work.

275 on the bar, and looking good too

Think of happy thoughts -- 275 on the bar

Chucky is handling 325 like the homicidal maniac he is

Halloween Delight

Posted on October 30, 2009 by Justin

Your Halloween present: 70’s Big t-shirts

I was in tenth grade the first time it happened. I un-racked the bar on my front deltoids with my elbows high. I stepped back a few feet, got my stance set, and squatted down. I heard a very peculiar ripping sound, and then a quasi-delightful breeze tickled my butt crack. It took a minute or two to realize that I had blown out the back of my boxers front squatting. That was the first time my ass became too big for the clothes I was wearing.

Fast forward until a few months ago. We were in Salt Lake City to work a barbell seminar and I squatted down to pet a sweet ol’ chocolate lab at the gym and…

Squatting + 70’s Big = Jean Rippage

Right when it happened I was shocked. The jeans made a cartoon-like ripping noise and I just looked up and said, “70’s Big”.

I tell ya, folks, nobody said 70’s Big was gonna be easy. I’ve ruined several pairs of boxer briefs — blowing out the butt crack just like tenth grade. I’ve ripped the seams on numerous spandex compression shorts. I’m outgrowing the athletic shorts that I bought for when I was outgrowing my old athletic shorts. I had to move up a t-shirt size. None of my pairs of non-ripped jeans really fit, specifically in the butt and crotch region (zing!). And I was already 195 when I fit into these clothes!

It’s a badge of honor to accidentally (key word here) rip through old clothing. How many seams have you busted today?

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Happy Halloween to all of you. I fully expect you to present me with awesome pictures of you in 70’s Big attire throughout the weekend. Keep in mind you can still wear it while you train on Friday or watch football on Saturday. My present to you? The first 70’s Big t-shirt. Without further ado…

Front image of t-shirt

Back image of t-shirt

The front of this shirt is emblazoned with the image of both 70’s Big co-captains, powerlifting Doug Young and weightlifting Anatoly Pisarenko. The back has the classic WFAC image of Pisarenko embedded in the website address. Men’s sizes will run Large, X-Large, XX-Large, and XXX-Large. Men: be sure to get a size bigger so you can force yourself to grow into it. Female sizes will run adult Small and Medium. Ladies: only wear this shirt if you’re serious about attracting a 70’s Big Man.

Here is the store link for Men’s Shirts and Women’s Shirts.

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Don’t forget that Rip will be doing an online radio interview with IronRadio.org. Here is the link to listen and submit questions to Rip, or any of the show’s hosts.