This e-mail from Jacob was so good, I wanted to post it before congratulating the Mustache May winner. Jacob is one of 70’s Big most regular, amusing, and snarky commentors. No further introduction is necessary (I smell a Pulitzer coming).

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Justin,

For the month of May, I have rocked a rockin’ mustache. I thank the 70sbig contest for this. So naturally, I felt it would be only appropriate to go out on the last day of the month and snag some pictures to try and capture the awesomeness that is my ‘stache, and to share them with you. I did not expect to have a story…it just sorta happened. Hope you’re bored.

After a full day of lifting at the gym, setting PRs, and tossing around a few tons of sand and bricks while helping a friend build a patio, I drove over to a buddy’s place. After another quick workout in his garage gym, we grabbed the camera gear out of the truck and I went inside to change. This is when things began to go “wtf.” My phone fell out of my bag of crap, directly into a drainage ditch. This is not cool, because without my phone, I can’t play solitaire between sets at the gym. Naturally, I ripped off the manhole cover, dove in after it, and recovered the stupid thing.


I had to make sure the damn phone worked before I felt it deserved to stay out of the sewers, so I made a few calls to some hot 70sbig-friendly ladies. The phone worked, though I was a little upset none of them answered.


The phone survived the fall, and subsequent recovery, but unfortunately, my evening light was fading quickly. Angry as hell, I decided to toss my truck in the air as a back-off set for my awesome day. Donning my lifting belt and grunting loudly enough to scare the neighbors, I proceeded. Naturally, my roommate grabbed her camera and captured this amazing feat of strength.


My buddy captured this shot as well on another camera.


Satisfied with my conquests, I was much happier. I shared the moment with Floyd, my truck, and it was such a beautiful moment that the skies opened up and photoshopped a photo worthy of a magazine cover as we pondered our next conquests.


I became immensely hungry, and thirsty for beer, so I decided that Floyd and I would go hunt down some grub.


Given our good looks, charm, and my mustache, it should be no surprise that we picked up a little filly to join us. The fact that it was my roommate is immaterial. I insisted on telling her about the time I threw a football “over those mountains.” She was, of course, impressed.


The end. I hope you enjoyed my story, and pictures. I know it’s probably too late for the contest, but I was entertained enough that I thought I’d send these your way. Don’t care if they make it to the site, just have a good laugh, and keep lifting heavy shit. I’m gonna keep rocking this fucking stache, that’s all I know.