Learn to cook

“Winky Dinky Hocake. Cause hoes got to eat, too.”

(Good luck with that one)

I am not very creative with titles, so there you go. Learn to cook.

Cooking for yourself ensures that you get exactly what you need to get 70’s Big. It is also more cost effective than eating out and (hopefully) a hell of a lot cleaner. And it’s a useful skill to have. Modern man should know the difference between a Wok and a saucepan.

I realized early on that most girls my age weren’t spending much time in the kitchen and that if I wanted to keep eating well, I would have to feed myself. Fortunately my mom was (and still is) a good cook. She taught me the basics of cooking and how to make my favorite dishes. I learned a few more things over the years and, at some point, became a moderately competent cook.

So learn. That is all there is to it. Help your mom/wife/girlfriend/mistress/live-in-tranny. Watch a cooking show. Take a class. Do whatever you need to do to learn to cook. You would be surprised at how simple some of your favorite dishes are to make.

Your first assignment is an easy one. Make some Texas Chili this weekend. To help with this, Jacob Cloud has sent in a video. This video has everything: history, training, Texas beer, mild hazing, and skillet corn bread! Yes!

Here is his recipe list:
2 lbs course ground beef
2.5 lbs tri-tip, trimmed and cubed
1 can peeled whole tomatoes
1 can Rotel
1-2 minced jalapenos (more or less depending on how spicy you want it)
4-5 crushed/minced garlic cloves
1/2-1 cup chopped white onion
1/4-1/2 cup chopped cilantro
Lime juice from 1 large lime
Thickener (corn starch, masa, flour, etc)
6 pack of Texan beer

Chili Mix (all measurements heaping!):
2-3 tbsp chili powder
1+ tbsp cumin
1 tsp ancho chili powder
1 tsp chipotle chili powder
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp cayenne
1 tsp Mexican oregano leaves
1-2 tsp black pepper (to taste)
1-2 tsp salt (to taste)

Jacob notes that you can be a real man by adding some habanero peppers to the mix. You can also make JM Blakely happy by using MSG instead of salt (like they do in chili cookoffs).

So go forth and make chili. Then shove a 90’s small guy into a snow drift.

Happy eating.

Note: Andy Gann also provided a recipe that looks outstanding. This will be on the updated FAQ when I get to it this weekend.

Note: Yes, it’s PR Friday. Post weights lifted, gained, or consumed.

80 thoughts on “Learn to cook

  1. “Ho Cakes! Get yo” Ho Cakes! Hoes gotta eat too!”

    The actor who played that guy is John Witherspoon. He has given us some great comedic relief in many films and tv shows.

  2. squat 340x5x3
    bench 225x5x3 (pr since 2 rotator cuff tears)
    press 155x5x3
    dead 365x5x1 (pr with 2 over hand grip, wo/hook grip)

    this progression is great, bench feels light but easing back into it since avoiding it for a long time.

  3. Press is on a reset but I”m going to failure on last set. Did 182.5 for 8 on third and last set on Wednesday.

    Deadlift was on a reset and now back on progression. Broke the sticking point on Wednesday with 430 for 5.

    Squats are neither here nor there unfortunately. My elbow/bicep pain is interfering with me going low bar for the moment so I”m using the safety bar which sucks and I can”t use as much weight.

    Holding steady at 247 and recovering well. Not trying to grow anymore at this point.

  4. “If you”re not using a wooden spoon, it isn”t chili…I didn”t make that rule, it just happened.”

    Funniest freak”n thing I”ve heard in a long time. Good looking chili Jacob.

    Gant, all men should be able to cook. My mom and dad are both awesome cooks and taught me a lot of good stuff. I”ve also worked for a caterer, seafood market, and smokehouse in TX, so I”ve picked up some great skills and knowledge on cooking that I am putting to good use to get stronger and 70”s BIG.

  5. Squat: 265×5
    PC: 215×1
    Deadlift: 295×5
    OHP: 115x5x3
    BP: 165x5x3 (weak as balls, I know)

    Ate 1 gallon of egg nog ice cream last night. My BM was outrageous this morning.

  6. PRs this week:

    Back Squat – 285# 5×3
    Bench Press – 193# 5×3
    175# 5×3 USAPL-style
    Deadlift – 380# 5×1 alternating grip

    +2 pounds in bodyweight. 192# –> 194#

  7. Ahh, Hollywood Shuffle.

    Squat: 290x5x5 (missed my PR on max day due to a pulled calf muscle, but this was a PR for sets across)
    Press: 194x3x1
    Deadlift: 350x5x1

    Squats and DLs still light, but coming up 5# per week. Press inching up 1# every other week or so. Had to back off on bench, stalled at 293x3x1.

  8. I”ve gained 5 pounds in two weeks 143 – 148. Im disappointed in this then again my schedule makes eating food difficult and im trying to readjust to large amount of food again, hope to be back to 160 soon, then on to 175.

  9. Nice video. Outtakes? Professional. I got a slow cooker for Christmas so will have to try this one at some point.

    Failed at a 20 rep squat attempt today, got 15 reps at 100kg/220 lbs, which was a bugger. However, deadlift is still going up nicely, got 3 x 5 @ 130kg/286lbs. Then PR”d a single at 142.5kg/314lb.

  10. Food PR. Ate either .75lb of quick steak and 3 eggs or .5lb bacon and 5 eggs every morning. Both washed down with a quart of milk.

    Clothes PR. Tore another pair of jeans, this time in the crotch. I sewed them up then tore the other side of the seam the next morning. Sorry jeans, you had a good run.

    No lifting PRs. I brought my weight back down to work on form.

  11. As of now, I weigh 65# more than is listed on my driver”s license. If the cops hassle me about this, I won”t hesitate to snitch. Lifting PRs to follow later today.

  12. Hope you guys like the vids. I will say it was way cooler with the Red Hot Chili Peppers dubbed in, but youtube made me take out that part, doh. The chili is delicious, especially under a fried egg for breakfast, topped with bacon!

    First week of 5/3/1. Squatted 390×8 in the vid above, which is an 8 rep PR I guess. Down to 252lbs from 265 at my meet, another 10 or so pounds to go. It”s amazingly hard not to drink a huge glass of whole milk with spicy chili!

  13. No PR”s today. The gym I went to only has one squat rack and when I got there there was an older lady deadlifting in front of it with a 40 lbs fixed weight barbell not even using the rack, so I decided to stretch a little longer. after about 10 min I didn”t think she would be much longer. Then her husband comes over and starts to load the bar and proceeds to do partial squats with the same weight for the next 35 min. and did not want to let me work in. I decided to do some deads and pc and presses. Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive. Did I mention this gym only has 10 sided weights which make deads and pc”s a little more difficult.

  14. it seems we have a SITUATION in this comment section

    and john witherspoon plays Grandad on “Boondocks” the most brilliant and hilarious cartoon ever

  15. Great video!

    Lifting PRs
    Squat 330X5X3
    DL 405X1 – this was done right after the squat PR. Felt like I had another 20lbs in me but had to get back to the office…another time.

    Clothes PRs
    Have offically outgrown all my suits for work. The pants look like they are painted to my thighs and my wife started singing “big guy in a little coat” when I put my coat on. I have mixed feelings on this PR as I don”t want to have to buy new suits but I guess that is the price I must pay on the quest for 70s big.

  16. Great job Jacob, thanks for posting. Never tried chili with any meat other than ground hamburg.

    Did I hear you say you were the “clitoris Mexican” in the outtakes?

  17. PR: weighed in at 248# the other day, barely above the previous PR from a few weeks ago. I had to travel and got sick, so I temporarily lost like 10 pounds.
    PR: I did two singles on the power clean with 205# while warming up for deadlifts. I”ve cleaned that weight before, but not power cleaned and not twice.

    I”m in the same boat for the suits. Most of my jackets are, like, 42″. They might have been undersized when I got them, I don”t know, but I”m just spilling out of these things. A suit I got recently, though, still mostly fits.

  18. I love chili. Ill have to try out Jacob”s recipe. Nice work man! I like what you said about Beef Soup with beans. Haha.
    20 rep back squat: 245
    Power clean 5×3: 225
    Deadlift 1×5: 405

  19. well done Jacob. I have 2 questions: How did you cook the meat prior to throwing it in the slow cooker? Why do Texans hate beans in their chili?

  20. @crouton

    A good tailor may be able to let your current suits out a bit and much more cheaply than new suits, so I”d explore that first…although perhaps not if your pants look painted on! I”m approaching this point myself.

  21. PRs this week:

    Squat 300 3×5
    Press 125 3×5
    Bench 172.5 3×5
    Deadlift 335 1×5

    Gained almost 2lbs this week as well, up to an all time high of 204.

  22. Pingback: » Learn to cook | cooktoday

  23. Thanks for the comments, fellas. I”m heating up another bowl right now!

    MAD9692 – Sorry I forgot to mention, I browned the beef in my cast iron skillet using that morning”s bacon grease. I drained the fat since I”m cutting a weight class, but you can actually use suet if you want to be really traditional. We dislike beans in our chili because it helps us spot the non-Texans. Since I can trace my family back to Daniel Cloud in the Alamo, I”m forbidden to use beans. It”s science.

    tdwaffle15 – you can use brisket as well. Whatever”s cheap works – I typically use chuck roast but tri-tip was on sale and I do like it. I actually said “clearest” but I like your version better. I would normally have a joke about the clitoris being an urban legend, but I don”t want any potential 70sbig lady fans to think I”m serious. In fact, if they are reading, “Hi.”

    Justin – glad y”all liked it and could use it. Look forward to stopping in at WFAC at some point when I move back to Tejas.

  24. This week has not been kind to me.

    Monday I got owned by a 127kg squat on my 5th rep due to lack of sleep, jacked up stomach and a ticht as hell left hip.

    My press for 65kg looked went 2,5,3 for some reason.

    Tues – Deadlift Pr 155kg 1×5

    thurs – dropped work sets to 120kg and then did some four position squat complexes from hell.
    For my Bench I accidental loaded the bar with 99kg instead of 89kg and didnt catch it til I unloaded the weight. Each set I only got it up once. So I guess a new unintential PR of 99kg 1rm.

    Fri- First time snatching and cleaning since thanks giving. Got 55kg on the snatch, sloppy sloppy snatch.

    Power cleaned 70kg with very bad form but seemed light.

    Next week will be better, and two weeks from now I”ll prbably be the strongest man to ever walk this earth.

  25. All this talk about chili the last few days and I just had to have some. So I made some Thursday and had it for supper last night and lunch today.
    Why is chili better the next day?

  26. this week:

    I learned not to run on days before squat training. Because of my foolishness, I had sore quads while squatting 160 @ 3 x 5. I got 4 on the first set, 5 on the 2nd set, 1 on the last set.167 lbs. Yeah, run only on Saturdays. Or no run at all? Justin, any thoughts? 6”1”” and 167lbs.

  27. Bench 245x3x5
    Clean 190x5x3
    Dead 365x3x5

    Failed on squat at 325# – was able to get 5, 5, & 3. This squat workout was the HARDEST thing I”ve ever done. I had to take extra rest and I my HR stayed elevated longer. Good times. I”ll reset and work my way back up. Chili sounds good.

  28. squat 305 3×5 pr

    press 155 4 3 4.. reset to 140 nxt wk

    p. cleans 155 3×5.. bouncing off quads too much, need to reset and aim for shoulders

    dead 355 1×5 pr

    dissapointed after today.. reset and get better

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