Even in my fantasies I am alone.

Last night I pressed 190lbs for 3 singles and 195lbs for 1 single. This would have been cooler if I pressed 190/195lbs for more reps.

Front squat 365lbs x 3, then 2, pressed 170lbs x 5, worked up to +90lbs weighted ring dips.

Pretty OK workout, I could have done more sets but got called into work.

Saul power cleaned 300lbs x 1 and deadlifted 500lbs x 1 (<– Saul had nothing to say about this).

Today I snatched + hang snatched from below the knee up to 215lbs, then snatched 225lbs and missed the hang snatch. Worked up to a 275lbs c+j, cleaned 295lbs and missed the jerk. Did some good mornings, chin ups, curls, and db lateral delt raises.

JC writes:

I find the fact that this blog is filed under “Training logs” on the mainsite increasingly amusing.

I think the ratio of workout:life stuff has reached an irreversible tipping point and thanks to a surprisingly large readership you’ve now become trapped in a prison of your own making.

Still… I bet this will be quite a story once you finally escape. Please try to think happy thoughts… if you can. Stay safe.

All right. I’ll think of happy thoughts.

I meet a girl. She is kind and has pretty brown eyes. There is a sadness in her gaze that compels me. She gives me the time of day. I make her laugh. Soon, she smiles when she thinks of my name. Soon we are hugging. Soon I steal a kiss – and she gives me another. I feel bright. We are lying in her bed. I am half-napping, her head buried against my chest (which could bench more than 275lbs x 3). I trace my fingers up her back to her neck where my touch lingers in lazy circles. The sunlight is warm. My retinas produce splotches of red when I close my eyes, a semi-permanent image that I try to keep in my mind.

Now it is dark. I feel heat. Her lips are soft and wet; my skin burns cold from their caress. She strokes me to hardness and my want, my yearning is unbearable. “Touch me,” she says, and I do, hungrily. She gasps and my mouth finds hers, we breathe into each other, she is my heart, she is my heart.

It is quiet. I am staring at a wall. This is all too familiar. Like when she left me. I’m sorry, she told me, I’m sorry I’m sorry, and she was gone. The door stayed open behind her. I don’t watch TV and I don’t feel like writing and I don’t feel like lifting so I find a comfortable place and sit. Waiting for something. How much time have I spent hoping? Do I even know what I’m hoping for?

When I see her again years later she is smiling. She holds someone else in her arms and is happy. Her pretty brown eyes are bright. Maybe her quiet gaze was never what I thought it was. Maybe her sadness was mine.

I feel heavy. I rack the bar and it buries me, I climb and stall and drop back into the hole, trying to catch the rhythm of the bar to stand again and again before I fail and crumple. I stand hunched with my hands on my knees while nebulous splotches of red dance behind my retinas, memories I am trying to erase. I load more lbs onto the bar, crank into position, pull again. I am tired. Gravity is a constant.

Even in my fantasies I am alone.

karibot writes:

I have a job interview tomorrow, and I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it without mobbing beforehand. Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy?

I’ve always felt that movement is expression. There’s nothing weird or irrational about mobbing before a job interview, or before doing anything that you care about imo – you are reflected by your actions, and your every movement is action. We are all athletes. There is no reason we would want to venture out without giving us the advantage of improved position, smoother sliding surfaces, and more movement options. You’re making a good decision.

Leave a comment ?


  1. This blog has gone from mildly amusing to deeply disturbing.

    • what’s disturbing about it

      • brent kim will become a famous writer of stories about human connection and lifting weights

        kinda like that one guy who wrote fight club but lifting weights and not fighting

      • “Now it is dark. I feel heat. Her lips are soft and wet; my skin burns cold from their caress. She strokes me to hardness and my want, my yearning is unbearable. ‘Touch me,’ she says, and I do, hungrily. She gasps and my mouth finds hers, we breathe into each other, she is my heart, she is my heart.”

        Reading this made me very uncomfortable. Especially the whole stroking to hardness business.

  2. Is it ok if I got a boner?

    • i’ve paid a few bills writing erotica so if you did i’m not going to be weird about it

      • Did you actually? Being totally serious for a minute, what’s the deal with this? I actually AM a writer and editor. And therefore broke. So if I can churn out some erotica and make some quick cash, then that is something I should be looking into.

        • I’ll write your back covers and promotional e-mails. We’ll be all set. Books are nothing without marketing.

          what sort of writer?

        • nah i’m just fuckin with ya

          • Pity, all sorts of famous writers are supposed to have anonymously written erotica to pay the bills. There was probably more of a market for it back in the 30s tho. The internet kind of ruined that.

            Cristina: I have edited papers for journals, written stuff for museums and had a few articles published on wildly disparate topics. I occasionally get paid. Nothing too impressive, but I’m a recent graduate. These things take a while. A lot of writers work as editors and then write in their spare time.

  3. Thanks for the reassurance. I just finished the interview, and I can report that lacrosse ball to scap/t-spine and surrounding soft tissues was a big help. Definitely improved interview posture and positioning after a long drive and a night in an uncomfortable hotel bed. Also made me feel relaxed and confident. I have another one in 40 minutes and a few more tomorrow. I’ll tack-and-stretch high hammies and glutes before then. I should super couch so I can squat when I get back, but I can’t take the pain. Not right now. Always travel with a lacrosse ball, you guys.

  4. Are you an english major? or at least minor because you totally should be a writer.


  6. A.) That “trap slap” bullshit was fucking gay. Totally unnecessary. Yes, it is.
    Bob Peoples or Lamar Gant never needed a depressed Korean guy to trap slap them before making mind shattering deadlifts.


    I hope you both are fucking mad.
    Fuck you.

    • A.) you want that in your life

      B.) you may submit your complaints to my client services on the right

      • Brent… you’re right.
        Is there any way you could email me a trap slap?

        And enough with the “I’ll just disregard shit form and respond with a witty customer service response” shit.
        C’mon Brent, you’re an adult.

        • Also, Brent:
          Are you going to increase your thickness, solidity, and/or tightness?

          Also: What are your thoughts on tentacle rape?
          Pro rape?
          Pro rated rape?
          Bro pro rated rape?


  7. so, this was in the related videos at the end of saul’s deadlift.

    i’d like to know what brobility wod has to say about the benefits of licking one’s fingers before giving a trap slap. care to comment?

  8. 10/10 writing, excellent work, I came.

    Nice work, Saul, AGL.

  9. I cried when I read the fantasy. Mostly because I’d always assumed that would happen to me.

  10. This is becoming more and more like Frank Yang.

  11. Question for Saul or maybe Brent you can answer: how many inches apart are your heels when you deadlift? (just curious, cause the camera’s perspective makes it look like 4 inches…) Cheers.

    • 4-5 or so. Read starting strength 3rd edition. It’s in there. Deadlift is a push off the floor so the stance doesn’t need to be wider like a squat. I brought it in about 10 months ago so that my arms could be parallel with each other and minimize the range of motion as much as possible. Since that time I made prs a little more frequently for my weakest lift, 405×5 for the first time, 475, 425×5, 480, 485 (the set before the video) and 500 my deadlift has been better.

  12. Dave Tate is going to want you at Elite for your articles. Solid stuff. Makes my morning coffee taste so much better!

  13. I found this only moderately difficult to masturbate to.

  14. nobodystopsdblob

    Hooligans, the lot of you.

  15. The Wheel of Pain

    I need to know whether Saul is wearing that shirt ironically. At least partially ironically? Sort of like the Soffes? This is important.

    • My shorts are just regular athletic shorts, I have to look long and hard for short ones, since I feel like a dipshit if they stop at or below my knee. But I wouldn’t ever consider soffes my underwear or package would fall out.

      I got this sleeveless compression shirt as a gift so it would be ironic if I wore it anywhere other than the gym where I wear anything and everything that wont tear when I get a pump or squat.

      We were at walmart before this lifting happened, so I was trying to fit in.

  16. Brent you should quit lifting and get into speed stacking. You’re more likely to meet Asian girls that way.


  17. Everyone recommend Brent to write for elitefts on their facebook status.

  18. Brent, I checked out your future, non asian, ex-wives blog (Mariah) from your links. Why don’t you just get on with it, move to wherever she is located, date, fall in love, let her break your heart after she gets drunk and fucks another dude right after you buy her an engagement ring, then you could be out a job, single and even more misrable than before?

    Just kidding, just wanted to let you know that I have been enjoying both of your blogs. (no homo)……in a homo kinda way.

  19. i have the weirdest boner

  20. Stop avoiding me Brent.
    I”m looking at you now.

  21. Brent,

    Yesterday I Pressed 95kg for 3 reps,


    Should I drop the weight down because of my layback and shit form?

    Happy New Year, hope you finally take the plunge this year and bang some whoores.

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