Hey guys, story of my life here, used to work with this chick:
Have you guys heard of the concept of a “work spouse?” This is me. Girls love talking to me. I am the guy at work that girls who are in relationships are or otherwise unavailable will have close friendships with. I was at a fucking different clinic LAST WEEK, the first time I’d been back at that clinic in like almost a year, this chick who is at that clinic who I HAVEN’T SEEN OR SPOKEN TO FOR MONTHS, this chick comes over when it’s close to the end of the night and it’s slow and tells me about her Thanksgiving and her drama with her boyfriend’s family. Oh no I’m fine thanks for asking but go ahead tell me about your troubles. Just call me Dr. Shoulder. It’s fine. I do this for a fucking living.
I’m currently someone’s work spouse already. The last time I got a haircut, I walked into work. She was all cooing over it. Patrick Stroup, you know who I am talking about because you keep telling me to bang her. This chick is always squeezing my meager biceps (as in she was doing that today) and is like “mmm.” She was cleaning something with an alcohol swab one time. Rubbed it on my arm, she said, “Feel how wet that is? That’s how wet you make my vajayjay.” She tells me she loves me, multiple times a day, but IT’S NOT FUCKING REAL, BECAUSE SHE LIVES WITH HER BOYFRIEND. THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHEN I’VE BEEN MULTIPLE GIRLS’S WORK SPOUSE. AM I FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW???? AM I JUST MAKING SHIT UP????? ARE YOU READING THIS CORRECTLY????? YES. YOU ARE. I CAN’T FABRICATE THIS SHIT. THIS IS MY LIFE FOLKS. THIS IS BRENT KIM 24/7 365 “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BUT DON’T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY BECAUSE TONIGHT I’LL BE SNUGGLING WITH MY BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART. I JUST LOVE YOU WITH THE IMAGINARY ONE.” IF THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU DON’T FUCKING SWEAT IT, YOU CAN TAKE A BREAK, I’LL TAKE OVER FROM HERE. BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS, IT’S FINE.
Post thoughts to comments.
Re: “off the shoulder shirt,” let me just set the record straight. This other chick who I used to work with had a few tops she wore that bared one or both shoulders and I commented like, TWICE, at the most, and it wasn’t even, “Hey man I like your delts,” it was just, “You seem to like those kinds of shirts.” So ever since then their joke has been that I have a fetish for bare shoulders. It’s fine. I’ve been accused of jerking off to worse.
Benched 275lbs x 2 paused. Internally-rotated, hyper-kyphotic high school football players bench this for 10. It’s fine.
Snatched up to 235lbs, which in addition to me having to chase it substantially, would have been red-lighted in competition because I chose to dump it behind. C+jed 265lbs, missed a 285lbs and then a 295lbs clean. It’s fine.
The best part of the workout was gutting out a 425lbs x 3 high-bar squat. I wasn’t in the rack because Saul was going to do reverse-band deadlifts, and I figured I’d just have side spotters but of course everyone else in the gym left as soon as I was ready for my workset, and while there was a trainer there, he was with a client. So I said “I guess I just won’t miss” and then squatted it twice, considered quitting but knew I would be fairly unhappy if I did not take a triple so went for the 3rd and ground it out with some wavy knees. It was a mild success but had the potential to be pretty embarrassing. 425lbs x 3 was my baseline low-bar triple back when I was a shittier, more inflamed, less mobile athlete (my best low-bar triple is 440lbs, which is going to be irrelevant when I do that high-bar weighing like 15-17lbs less).
Finished up with +90lbs x 2 weighted ring-dips – with acceptable depth this time – and doubled 405lbs for a back-off on the squats.
Phil B writes:
How does this make you feel?
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2454
Holy fuck that is good.
Paul says:
I am internally rotated frequently. I am a gordon fuck. I could be more impressed with myself.
Ksik10 writes:
When you’re doing ring dips, do you ever get any pain in the anterior shoulder? It never happened when I did bar dips, and I’m trying to figure out what might be different wrt mechanics. It seems that the pain gets worse whenever I try to move into external rotation on the rings. I dunno.
I did when my shoulders were inflamed and I had poor mobility, but my shit hurt when I did it on the bars, too, or even when I benched, pressed, or snatched, so I dunno what your deal is either. If you’re not doing mwod already, it is something you could try though ……….
Curt1s asks:
Ring dips and ring pushups: fewer reps are possible. Does this mean they are more of a strength stimulus? Or not, because the actual weight involved is the same as bar dips and floor(?) pushups?
I would think that more weight could be done on the bar. I do the rings because I’m supposed to be practicing more ring skills. I am too busy not c+jing 300lbs though.
lone ranger writes:
okay now lets take it easy on franky…i know the guy has some screws loose in his head but HE COULD HAVE BEEN A PRETTY DECENT WEIGHTLIFTER. he never really trained for oly lifting, he was more of a sprinting/jumping being an asshole in the gym type. but he did post a 40 inch vertical and truthfully thats about as high as most elite weightlifters go in the verts…
Frank Yang doesn’t know the meaning of lumbar OR thoracic extension.
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