This Post Is Not Homo

I don’t know if you guys know this, but guys in the 70s wore speedos to the beach. I decided to bring this style back to the gulf coast. The feeling of empowerment was overwhelming.Yes, 70’s Big gives you wings.

When wearing a speedo, I spent most of my time above ground. As you can see, it was liberating.

Power…elegance…grace. Perfection.

This one’s kinda impressive. I’ll need an FAA license the next time I try it.

A Tale Worth Telling

This e-mail from Jacob was so good, I wanted to post it before congratulating the Mustache May winner. Jacob is one of 70’s Big most regular, amusing, and snarky commentors. No further introduction is necessary (I smell a Pulitzer coming).



For the month of May, I have rocked a rockin’ mustache. I thank the 70sbig contest for this. So naturally, I felt it would be only appropriate to go out on the last day of the month and snag some pictures to try and capture the awesomeness that is my ‘stache, and to share them with you. I did not expect to have a story…it just sorta happened. Hope you’re bored.

After a full day of lifting at the gym, setting PRs, and tossing around a few tons of sand and bricks while helping a friend build a patio, I drove over to a buddy’s place. After another quick workout in his garage gym, we grabbed the camera gear out of the truck and I went inside to change. This is when things began to go “wtf.” My phone fell out of my bag of crap, directly into a drainage ditch. This is not cool, because without my phone, I can’t play solitaire between sets at the gym. Naturally, I ripped off the manhole cover, dove in after it, and recovered the stupid thing.

I had to make sure the damn phone worked before I felt it deserved to stay out of the sewers, so I made a few calls to some hot 70sbig-friendly ladies. The phone worked, though I was a little upset none of them answered.

The phone survived the fall, and subsequent recovery, but unfortunately, my evening light was fading quickly. Angry as hell, I decided to toss my truck in the air as a back-off set for my awesome day. Donning my lifting belt and grunting loudly enough to scare the neighbors, I proceeded. Naturally, my roommate grabbed her camera and captured this amazing feat of strength.

My buddy captured this shot as well on another camera.

Satisfied with my conquests, I was much happier. I shared the moment with Floyd, my truck, and it was such a beautiful moment that the skies opened up and photoshopped a photo worthy of a magazine cover as we pondered our next conquests.

I became immensely hungry, and thirsty for beer, so I decided that Floyd and I would go hunt down some grub.

Given our good looks, charm, and my mustache, it should be no surprise that we picked up a little filly to join us. The fact that it was my roommate is immaterial. I insisted on telling her about the time I threw a football “over those mountains.” She was, of course, impressed.

The end. I hope you enjoyed my story, and pictures. I know it’s probably too late for the contest, but I was entertained enough that I thought I’d send these your way. Don’t care if they make it to the site, just have a good laugh, and keep lifting heavy shit. I’m gonna keep rocking this fucking stache, that’s all I know.

Mustache Finals

First, let me give my highlights (refer back to yesterday’s post for image numbers).

2 – Burly, with a hint of suave. Solid background.
4 – Killer ‘stache, killer stare. The thing preventing victory here is a proper outfit.
6 – Quality. Thoughtful. Not so sure the hair had to go.
9 – Work or play, you gotta pick one.
11. Marvelous.
13. This one made me laugh.
14. Not as hard as this one though. I consider 14 to be the dark horse.

Now, it pains me to say, we must have a final vote. I’m taking the top three from yesterday’s votes and having a vote off. Whoever gets the most votes wins.

[poll id=”9″]

6 - After



Mustaches Galore

Here are some of the submitted mustaches that made the cut. No winner has been chosen yet. You might be able to influence this in the comments…
When (not if) you make fun of someone, keep it light hearted. I didn’t collect all of the contestants’ names because that would have been a lot of sifting through e-mail. If you see your picture, you can claim it to the commentors. I have numbered the pictures so we can reference them easier. Once you have scoped the pictures out, vote at the bottom of the post for your favorite. Tomorrow we will have a vote off between the highest voted ‘staches.
In no particular order:






6 - Before

6 - After











[poll id=”8″]

Big Bunz

Aaaaaand it’s PR Friday. Post weight lifted, gained, or consumed to the comments. You may also include number of burger patties obtained for free and number of gorillas wrestled.


Chris and I ate at Dairy Queen today, and we ordered their Flame Kicker burger with three patties (I don’t know what they call it, it’s some kind of stupid name). They must have glanced over at Chris’ large frame (he’s 275) as he was sing-songing in a deep voice, “I ain’t no triiiiiiiiiiiiiiig,” and thought he needed an extra patty.

Four patties; as big as a Chris Riley upper cut

Pretty excited about it

And just because someone mentioned it in the comments yesterday, here is Chris deadlifting 600 and 625 last September with a hook grip.


You all remember Zach, right? Well, he’s still eating. He brought this ridiculous looking sandwich to the gym with his gallon of milk the other day, and I thought it warranted a post.

Zach and his big bunned sandwich had a whole pack of cheese and ham respectively

At least two inches of meat and cheese. While training.


Newsflash: Gorillas Are 70’s Big