When Eggs Grow Stale

I’ve noticed some guys complaining about how bland their eggs are. Our own Arin Canecchio and Chris Riley go through spurts when they find it difficult to wolf down six eggs in the morning. I’ve eaten at least three or four eggs every day for almost ten years. Since 2009 I’ve eaten at least five, and usually more than six with peaks of eight or nine. To the complaining gentlemen, I say, “You are a fool.” Dress your eggs up and they won’t let you down. Here’s how.


How could you forget? Nowadays I hate to talk about how great bacon is because all of the hipster pieces of shit tasted it after several months of anorexia nervosa and realized they were fucking missing something. Naturally they rallied together — the most ironic hipster-piece-of-shit thing to do since they allegedly want to lead an independent lifestyle — to make a bunch of shitty t-shirts and memes and never shut the fuck up about it. Yeah, we get it, bacon is fucking awesome; WELCOME TO 1776 AND 1861 WHERE BEARDED AMERICANS ATE BACON WAY BEFORE YOU FORGOT HOW MUCH YOU HATED YOUR PARENTS WHEN YOU TASTED IT ON YOUR FIRST DAY OF LIBERAL ARTS SCHOOL.

Let’s move on. If you clicked the Civil War link above, you would have seen that bacon grease was used to fry beef and corn meal. Confederate and Union soldiers didn’t carry around chickens or delicate eggs, but we’re going to use the same principle.

Hipsters weren't the first to eat bacon.

Hipsters weren’t the first to eat bacon.


Do you like skinny hipsters? Ptsh, then why would you want skinny bacon? I know of over 900 studies about why thick bacon is better, and they are all single day case studies where I cooked it, ate it, and pat myself on the back for such a solid decision. Thick bacon will cook better, have a better consistency, and yield an appropriate amount of grease (discussed later). I shouldn’t have to say this, but the bacon I’m referring to is the United States variety; Canadian and Australian styles are good, but standard Second Amendment loving Americans will call that “ham”.


You read that title and thought, “Holy SHIT, I’ve never even thought about this,” didn’t you? I’m here to show you the way. After over 900 studies, I’ve found that two pieces of thick bacon for every two or three eggs is optimal. If you’re bitching about how it’s not enough, then you don’t understand scrambled egg cuisine and can kindly leave. If you’re bitching about how it’s “too much”, then you’re probably a) a terrorist or b) one of the aforementioned hipsters who googled “bacon” looking for a sweet meme to send to your hipster friends so you can ironically fit in with a social crowd instead of doing some squats and curls before bed.


No, don’t cut your bacon like a young Ray Lewis; take your pieces of stacked thick bacon and cut it in two to three centimeter segments (for you neanderthals, that’s about an inch). The layers of the bacon pieces will separate when you cook it in the pan.

Bacon thickness as well as cut segment length.

Bacon thickness as well as cut segment length.


Not too hot, mind you. If the temperature is too high, then you’ll just sear the outside too quickly and potentially ruin the consistency. On a stove where “10” is “High”, I’ll go to 7.5 at the highest. If you want the satisfying sizzle when you put the bacon in the pan, then warm the pan, but it’s not organic to this operation.


While your bacon is frying, you can prepare your coffee (I prefer a press pot) and eggs. Crack your eggs into a bowl, and whip that shit with a fork. If you use a whisk, then you’re like my 5’3″ mom. If you have a pair of testicles, use a nice, heavy fork. I take a lot of pride in my egg whipping ability; I’m the best on both sides of the Mississippi. On New Year’s Day, I whipped two dozen eggs. Proof below, fuckers.

The technique is a circular wrist motion. You want to think about pulling the eggs off of the surface, break that surface tension, and then push them towards the bottom of the bowl without hitting your fork on the bottom. The business end of the fork has an elliptical motion and the key is pulling the egg off the surface. If you do this quick enough, it looks like you’re separating the layers of the egg and results in much fluffier scrambled eggs without using any cream or milk (which are traditionally used to fluff them up).


Notice what’s happening here; you’re frying the cut bacon in a pan prior to cooking eggs. That’s because you’re going to put your scrambled eggs into the pan with your bacon. This how you’ll change your retardedly bland breakfast into a heavenly romp through taste and time.

You want your bacon to be cooked, but you don’t want it to be charred or overly crispy. Ideally, if you’re a sensible human, you’d want your bacon to have a slight chewy texture instead of crunchy. You wouldn’t cook a steak like a giant buffalo chip (i.e. piece of cow shit), would you? That’s almost as bad as not eating steak.

This bacon is almost ready.

This bacon is almost ready.

Aside from the bacon “doneness” is the grease situation. Too much grease will result in sweaty eggs; their texture will be oily and you’ll feel like you’re eating the stool of someone with cholecystitis. As crazy as this sounds, too little bacon grease is better than too much. Get a jar and pour your excess bacon grease into it (you can use that grease on your baked vegetables later that evening). Knowing how much grease you need for a given amount of eggs is a learned skill, but if you tip your pan at a 45 degree angle (as if you were going to pour grease into the jar), you wouldn’t want your pieces of bacon submerged. The grease does serve a purpose, so don’t pour it all out; it coats your pan to prevent the eggs from sticking, which is a huge pet peeve of mine. The picture below shows the grease pouring technique and the amount of grease before and after pouring.



I’m quite surprised at how some people manage to fuck this part of the process up because it’s very easy. Your pan will be hot enough to make any amount of eggs within a couple of minutes. Pour the eggs over the bacon, make sure your bacon pieces are evenly distributed throughout, and continue to use your spatula to move the eggs off the bottom and sides of the pan.

Letting the eggs sit in the pan, as if you were making an omelette, results in an overcooked eggsterior (I couldn’t resist). If your eggs have a slight browning, that means you’re doing it wrong. If you like that, refer to the charred steak comment above. There’s probably some validity to an argument that would claim you’re denaturing some of the protein by overcooking it, but we’ll save that for another day. Just remember: move the eggs around and off of the pan by flipping the eggs constantly until they are light and fluffy. The fluffiness will be highly dependent on your whipping ability. I also like to use the edge of the spatula to break up the eggs so they aren’t in big clumps. This will improve the texture.


This next part can make or break your egg eating experience. Some of you will be amazed at how much the bacon will improve your eggs, but if you’ve eaten them like this before you may need something more. I prefer condiments on my eggs, namely ketchup (without high fructose corn syrup in compliance with Paleo for Lifters). Ketchup works really well with white potato hash browns, which you can buy pre-cut up or make from scratch in grass-fed butter or coconut oil. I also like Chipotle Tabasco sauce, but that’s more so for fried eggs or scrambled eggs eaten with my Sweet Potato Hash recipe.

A dozen eggs yields enough for two.

A dozen eggs yields enough for two.

And there you have it. If you’re hating your egg eating experience, you need to cook them with your bacon. Food doesn’t have to be bland, so stop doing all this hipster-like complaining and dress your eggs up.

Hit Your Macros

Here’s a quick note amidst a busy week. I typically see hard training lifters or athletes breaking down when faced with a decision of what to eat. They’ll often pick an unhealthy choice because it tastes better. If you have to eat out during the week, then focus on hitting your macros instead of getting the tastiest item on the menu. 

Macronutrients are protein, carbs, and fat. You should have an understanding of how many you need to eat in a day. If you don’t have a clue, search the 70’s Big site history. If you want my comprehensive methodology, check out Paleo for Lifters. The premise is eating enough protein to maintain or build lean body mass (i.e. muscle), enough carbs to fuel your activity level, and enough fat to recover. There’s some discrepancy or ambiguity on how much of a given macro that a type of athlete will need, but I’ve covered that on the site and in the book.

In any case, hit your macros consistently. The chronic intake is more important than the daily timing, and actually  hitting the requirements is more important to recovery than it is to have a tasty, yet not as healthy meal. Does that mean you should pass on a brisket meal with a baked potato? No, but your goals will make that decision.

This doesn’t mean you should be eating bland meals, because “healthy” or “paleo-ish” meals can be very tasty if you use your brain and put some effort into them. We’ll talk more about this in the near future.

Train hard and get big.

PR Friday, 22 Feb 2013

It’s PR Friday! The new phone book’s here!

We started off the week strong, with a write-up on Ryan Carrillo, his quest to compete at the IPF Bench Press World Championships, and a quick interview .

For those that have donated, may Crom grant you many bench PRs. You are good people. Ryan is sincerely thankful to everyone who donated. He got about 150 doll hairs from our readers on Monday, but I think we can improve on that. Go to http://www.txstrongman.com/ and donate your face off. For best results, do it about 30 minutes before your scheduled intensity day training.

Here’s a picture of Ryan eating a Brontosaurus rib. Yes, this is how we do it in Texas.


Justin dropped us a quick note on Tuesday to let us know he’s still around, just busy stacking paper. Lots of good, positive comments by all, which he appreciated. I’ll be taking over the Editor duties, though I’m not as funny or ripped as Justin, just more ridiculously-good-looking, and I like run-on sentences. Any non-grammar feedback is appreciated, so you can always hit me up via email, mmmk? I’ll respond when I’m not doing curls. Many thanks to BSmith for helping me out with all the behind-the-scenes work…and for making this killer .gif.

CT Fletcher Curling

We also had a follow-up by Tsypkin on posterior training, specifically for weightlifters, complete with how-to videos featuring his lovely assistant. Some guy named Pendlay commented a couple times. How many other sites have world-class coaches giving you free advice in the comments? That’s a rhetorical question; I don’t read other sites. We did get the comment of the week, though:

Who the hell is this GlenPendlay guy and where did he come from? Can’t believe someone here named themselves after a kind of row… – ow3n

Ow3n wins 12 points.

Most importantly, we are ONE WEEK FROM THE ARNOLD. This is the biggest sports festival in the entire freaking universe, and a bunch of our folks are competing, so pay attention. We’ll get you previews and links to streams and whatnot next week.

Mike’s training has gone well and he’s looking to hit some big numbers. Subscribe to his Youtube channel, read his training log, and watch this video about what he does in the final week before a big meet.

Big Chris will be defending his North American Championship from last year’s Arnold. How does he prepare? He drinks chicken. He. Drinks. Chicken. If you don’t pull 700+ double-overhand, and/or can’t spell “K-A-L-E,” watch this video, and get to work. cya

List your PRs and which event you’re most excited to watch at the Arnold. Personally, I hit some modest bench PRs and got a brutal PSOA-release massage (DIY Guide for you sickos), and I have to give a shout-out to my special lady friend, who pulled 280. I’ll be watching the Arnold streams while at a Bachelor party next weekend. Whatcha got?

Jacob’s Chili

In January of 2010, Gant asked Jacob Cloud to make a video about one of his chili recipes. I realized that because of a technical issue, the videos were removed from the post, and wanted to re-post them. The videos are entertaining and educational, but look how young and beardless ol’ Jacob looks. 

Make some Texas Chili this weekend. To help with this, Jacob Cloud has sent in a video. This video has everything: history, training, Texas beer, mild hazing, and skillet corn bread! Yes!

Here is his recipe list:
2 lbs course ground beef
2.5 lbs tri-tip, trimmed and cubed
1 can peeled whole tomatoes
1 can Rotel
1-2 minced jalapenos (more or less depending on how spicy you want it)
4-5 crushed/minced garlic cloves
1/2-1 cup chopped white onion
1/4-1/2 cup chopped cilantro
Lime juice from 1 large lime
Thickener (corn starch, masa, flour, etc)
6 pack of Texan beer

Chili Mix (all measurements heaping!):
2-3 tbsp chili powder
1+ tbsp cumin
1 tsp ancho chili powder
1 tsp chipotle chili powder
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp cayenne
1 tsp Mexican oregano leaves
1-2 tsp black pepper (to taste)
1-2 tsp salt (to taste)

Origins of Thanksgiving, Eating Challenge

Beard of the Day

The Origins of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is an interesting holiday. It is a convoluted, weird interpretation of something that didn’t really happen in American history. It’s clear what has actually happened, and I will recount the sequence of events here.

70’s Big is an idea that started in early 2009 and developed into a website by September of the same year. Currently the site easily averages over 3,000 visitors a day. Instead of being concerned with number of readers, 70’s Big is more concerned with establishing a paradigm. Burly men and strong women go forth and take on risks and difficult challenges with fervor in their hearts. They learn this ability through the grueling battles with steel, iron, and gravity. Guts and courage are built through toil; they don’t simply appear at birth.

Alas! Food becomes an important part of this journey of self realization. It is fuel for the body so that the mind can push through each lesson. A man requires a hearty bounty, not egg whites and squash. And thus Thanksgiving was born.

“Bah! Thanksgiving hath endured for centuries; how hath 70’s Big birthed the Great Giving of Thanks?” A valid question, yet the reality is that Thanksgiving has not always existed. There was a time in an alternate universe in which Thanksgiving did not exist while all other things remained constant. The idea of 70’s Big was infectious upon the world as it grew into a dominant way of thinking. Society no longer bitched about being offended and the fame of celebrities waned to that of my big toe. It was a wonderful society that lived through the ages. Several millenia from now, the governing body decided to honor the inception of its way of thinking. Their solution: travel back in time and establish a holiday in which eating a hearty, complete meal was emphasized and glorified. The governing body sent their agents back in time to manipulate such a holiday. In a vain attempt to cloak their true identity, the time travelers showed up in black pilgrim costumes while others showed up as bare skinned Indians. The ruse worked to perfection because the public ate it up, and the Thanksgiving Feast was born.

70’s Big has been preceded by decades of proper eating, a testament to proper planning by the Time Travelers to ensure that skinny people have experienced good eating habits before starting their quest to 70’s Big. “Hard gainers” no longer have shitty excuses as to why they can’t gain weight, because they have done it correctly on at least one day of every year of their lives! Manliness is a choice, and Thanksgiving is as good a place as any to start.

The Thanksgiving Eating Challenge
Now that we have the origin of Thanksgiving out of the way, we can focus on the readers who have chosen Manliness over helplessness; Boldness over cowardliness; and strong over weak. I challenge all of you to an eating contest. We can’t really argue over subjective interpretations of how much you “actually ate”, so instead we’ll measure it by weight gained. You will need to weigh yourself before your feast, and then again after your feast (if you feast throughout the day, then weigh yourself at the end). You will also need to wear the same clothes throughout the day (i.e. wear the same stuff in your pre/post weighing). This would be a proper time to wear your 70’s Big shirt, since it’s our national holiday. Whoever gains the most weight will win a t-shirt. We are probably going to need video or picture evidence of your weigh-ins. This will cut back on cheating, even though it can still happen — don’t be a jackass. On Thanksgiving Day we’ll post our results to the comments.

Good luck to you all, and don’t forget to give thanks to the Time Travelers.