Friday Failboat 4

This thing on?


Hey guys. It’s Brent. How have you been?

Have you ever been in a band that met pretty regularly? Then one by one the band members get jobs and girlfriends and show up for practice less and less, the gigs come fewer and farther between, and eventually everyone just forgets about the project altogether? And then one day you’re home alone, nothing to do, and happen to wander into the garage where everyone used to play and it’s like nothing’s ever changed, there’s the mic stand in the middle of the cement floor, there’s the drum stand collecting dust?

This is not what coming back to a blog is like.

Coming back to a blog is like getting out of a toxic relationship, deciding you miss it too much, and then crawling back to it on your hands and knees, realizing that you’re nothing without it.

Is this the Friday failboat?

* * *

It could also just be the subject matter, maybe I’m doing this all wrong.

I’ve started using Prilepin’s chart as a guideline for my training, using a “heavy” volume day and a less stressful training load to hit 1-3rms. So still following a Texas Method type approach, just with a little more variation. I’ve also started doing calf raises on a pretty regular basis. How do you guys feel about bodybuilding?

I’ve always pretended to NOT care about my calves. When I first started lifting, weighing all of 105lbs, I didn’t squat. I benched on a home setup with a 15lbs bar and plastic weights on a bench that would collapse under 225lbs. Then I did military presses. Then I did curls. Then I did french presses. Eventually I started sumo deadlifting, because this was the first deadlift article I found on the internet (supposedly written by Louie Simmons in 1999). Eventually I started squatting, because my dad said, “Hey man, you’re looking a lot better, but your upper body’s all jacked and your legs aren’t as muscular. So work your legs.”

Calves were never included in this. When I started oly lifting, I was like, well since I extend my ankles in the second pull maybe I’ll get some fucking calvular hypertrophy going. Hey guys, in case you were fucking wondering, it never happened.

So throughout my life, I’ve generally met mostly support about my lifting endeavors. Great squat man. Your traps are alright for your size. But every once in a while, there’s the haunting comment (other than, “do you even lift”), those are some tiny calves. And I pretend not to care, who fucking gives a shit, too busy banging out these goddamn CURLS son, but honestly? Honestly? Honestly? It crushes me. Every time. Doesn’t matter who it is.

Thus, not only have I been doing rear delt flyes on a regular basis – I’ve now added various calf raises into my routine, aiming for 2-3x a week.

I’m a 26 year old adult, flexing and extending his ankles on the seated calf extension machine or with the barbell on his back, because people making offhand comments about his physique make him feel the same way an adolescent girl feels when people make comments about her weight.

Is this the Friday failboat?

* * *

I can’t remember making friends outside of the gym. All of my friendships which have lasted longer than two weeks have been people I’ve met through a common interest of lifting weights, or 70s big. Most people who understand what having friends is like would view this as sad. I’m done with sad. Maybe this is a fucking plus. Maybe every time someone texts me it can be about meeting up to train. Maybe it can be about eating high-protein foods. Maybe it can be semi-nudes in various bodybuilding poses, and nothing would be homo about it. It’d be perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy.

Is this the Friday failboat?

I posted a thread in /r/weightroom a few days ago hoping to meet people to lift with. 250+ responses, only 3 of whom are in DFW.

Is this the Friday failboat?

Asked two of those three people if they’d like to lift tomorrow. One declined because of his band or some other outlandish excuse, I should have told him if he didn’t want to hang out with me he could just tell me and I wouldn’t take it personal, I’m a fucking adult, but he doesn’t have to come up with some highly unlikely story just to get out of hanging out. The other guy basically said no.

Is this the Friday failboat?

I joined Fitocracy.

Is this the Friday failboat?

Hey guys. Brent here. This is my life as of tonight.

Is this the Friday failboat?

Leave a comment ?


  1. It’s okay Brent, I too fell into the trap of thinking power cleans in SS would build my calves because of the jump. I also fell into the trap of thinking of jumping in power cleans. I also fell into the trap of doing Starting Strength but not really doing it but reading a lot of the SS and Crossfit and other fitness forums and thinking I was superior to all the typical gym douches even though I was 170lbs skinny fat and couldn’t squat 225 or run a sub 8:00 mile but they could probably squat 225 at least once and run a sub 8:00 mile even though they never did conditioning but only steroids and leg press every couple of weeks but I was still better because goddamnit I read the SS book and I trained like an elite athlete and everyone else was wrong except me it’s fine.

  2. I was actually going to put “Write a fucking blog post, asshole.” On your facebook wall, but now I guess I don’t have to.

  3. oh, brent. you’re the greatest. so good to see you yesterday. was it yesterday? i don’t recall exactly.

    anyway, i’m about to look up that elbow stuff you told me about. i want to play tonight, so i’m going to find out if it’s better to do it before a match, after a match, or both.

    also, i’m thinking of using my tennis racquet itself as a tool. you know, using the handle to roll over and manipulate my tissues.

    it will almost be ironic in the way that only a solid shit ass god damn fucking lame relationship could be. ya know, using the tool that injured me to repair my broken heart. i mean inflamed elbow.

    um, when are we going to the amusement park?

  4. nobodystopsdblob

    I feel like you could have gotten both guys to come train if you were clear about your calf training protocol.
    Given Arnold’s pump/orgasm comments, how did he not invent “no homo” in the 70s?

  5. remember when i read the new encyclopedia of modern bodybuilding to you over the internet? we talked all about the glory of calf training. that was magical.

  6. Your bodybuilding comments all make sense now.

  7. u mad i have god-like calf genetics and i dont need to do calf raises like a fuckin melvin, bro?

  8. Dude I went to the sushi buffet tonight it was epic. Do you think that would be considered paleo?

  9. Some personal trainer at my gym had his clients doing drop sets on the calf raise machine the other day, and they had pretty jacked calves so this could be the way forward. Get Saul or someone to strip the plates off whilst counting the reps out of time with how you’re actually doing them, and remember to hold a facial expression somewhere between ‘constipated’ and ‘blowing your load’. You’ll be golden.

    • Silentmachinery

      In my YMCA, there was a guy doing leg presses with probably 6-7 plates on each side. He called me over to “spot” him on the leg press machine i.e. as he leg pressed, I was to get down on my knees and push the platform as he pushed, thereby allowing him to perform more fatigued reps.

      I’ve never felt more ridiculous in my life.

      • Someone asked me to spot him on the deadlift once by standing in front of him, and lifting his chin if he started to struggle with the weight. Srs.

  10. if I lived in the DFW area I would come work calves with you bro.

    Actuallllllllllllllly I’ll be coming that way probably next year, a buddy of mine (doesn’t lift but is quite a character) is moving there this summer. Hopefully we can get together and schedule a day of mobility/calf work.

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  12. I miss you. Re-found your blog after an internet hiatus.

    Nobody gives a shit about calves. It’s more likely someone will question your liftingness if you have scrawny quads and no ass. I regularly ridicule the shitheads in my pussified corporate gym for having these built upper bodies and chicken legs…and i barely “lift” anymore but my ass is huge. Nobody gives a shit about calves.

    I’ve been taking drugs and dropped 10 lbs of bodyfat in the past 2 weeks. EC stack baby…gf called me fat so i did what any normal guy does…PSMF and dangerous stimulants. My massage therapist today said my ass got small, thus i must come off the ephedrine and deadlift again.

    My diet plan has no bearing here, or anywhere for that matter. Maybe one day i’ll actually be strong enough to not embarrass you if i find myself in DFW and we train together. It has been a dream of mine since childhood.

    All the best. Keep it up.

  13. Brent, I need your opinion. Would it be racist to ask the Asian IT guy at my work, who has never mentioned Starcraft, what his APM is?

    • Is my distrust of Asian doctors racist? I was watching TV and there was an Asian doctor holding a baby. My exact thought was “Don’t fucking drop that thing, asshole.”

  14. Been waiting forever for a post, then got too busy to check –

    I just moved to Plano from Kansas City a couple weeks ago. I live just south of Frisco on Preston (just into Plano), am now lifting at the Plano Gold’s on Park and Preston.

    I know a few of youse guys on here live in the DFW area – if there is some interest in meeting up, I’ll post up my email address.

    The Gold’s has a deadlift bar jack, which is fucking phenomenal.

    PS, I have absurdly long legs and no calves, so that will be totes cool.

  15. enlightenedsnipe

    Hey Brent! This may be the Friday fail boat, but that thread you started on reddit was pure gold. Within three days of moving to a new town I got pointed to a new gym. Went there yesterday and within 5 minutes saw a huge dude deadlift 585.

    Soo.. Thanks!

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