So my girlfriend and I find ourselves in the gay part of Ft. Lauderdale. It’s raining and we want to walk around and people watch so we look for places that may carry umbrellas. We find a plaza with parking and she points and says, “Oh, a gay mart, they might have umbrellas.”

I laughed, thinking she was making a joke about a store in the gay district, but no, she was being serious, we legit found:

So we go inside and they don’t have umbrellas, but they have some pretty legit tanktops and shorts.

So I’m in the changing room checking out these sweet new threads and loving it. My girlfriend tries to convince me to invest in a thong but I don’t see the utility in it so I decline and instead stick with some new workout attire. When we get to the register, we find a display case full of male sex toys and lube.

“Do you want to get a jelly cockring?” my girlfriend asks.

“What would we do with it?” I respond, much to the amusement of the guy ringing my wares up. “Are they edible?”

“It’s a one-size-fits-all thing,” he explains, as if he’s explaining the difference between a rectangle and a square to a first grader. “They’re not edible.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, “I’m kinda new at this.”

So we leave the store, I’m in a great mood because I’ve got some new threads that will probably become the new 70s big trend, we’re about to eat some Thai food in Wilton Manors, and then this gay couple walk past us.

“Great,” one of them says with utter disgust as they walk past a store, “Just what we need, more gay clothes.”

The guy totally shits on my parade. I’m young, it was new, I was having a great time – no. I’m just a tourist.

I deadlifted 405lbs for two doubles on Friday, about the only thing of note training-wise, did some light snatches and cleans (no bumpers at the gym in Ft. Lauderdale). AJ helped me with my deadlift a little bit and I think they were productive changes to my start position.

Alex writes:

Can we be best friends?

Did we just become best friends?

Penn writes:

Dude when are you gonna get Yoked again? Or is that just too two thousand and late for you? I ask because I watched your USAPL Nationals video again.

I wasn’t yoked in 2010, I was on the tubby side. It would be beneficial for me to get back up to 170-180lbs at some point.

aghsdhgf writes:

i would like to read the stories about getting a girl’s number off of facebook and calling a girl everyday for two weeks then stopping.

I’ll talk about them in the next post.

beonick writes:

I wanna hear more about the times someone has walked in on you taking a dump at work. lol wut?

This wasn’t at work but I was at Central Market doing groceries and had to take a sudden dump. So I go to the bathroom and LOCK THE STALL DOOR. I sit on the toilet and start unloading my payload and then this fucking guy opens the door, fails, then tries again and the door comes open because the lock is loose and apparently can be shaken apart if you rattle the door enough. I say, “UHHH THIS IS OCCUPIED” and the guy says “oh god I’m sorry” and slams the door shut. I get up with my pants around my ankles and re-lock the door, and I can’t help but notice that the crack between the stall door and the frame is large enough that everyone out in the bathroom can look through it to see me dropping a major deuce.