I hate Hollywood. They have a habit of taking really cool ideas and royally fucking them up. Remember the Wolverine movie? It was entertaining, yet irritatingly different than the Wolverine comics where he was a brooding savage. They pussified him, created some idiotic plot that was pretty lame, and then had him shot in the head. The X-Men movies were neat because it was X-Men irl, yet they really left something to be desired for (I thought the coolest parts were the first 15 minutes of meeting Logan: bar fight, snow fight vs Sabertooth, etc.).

In any case, Hollywood typically takes these ideas and adds a bunch of special effects to make them flashy for the midget-sized-attention of the present day American and forego any attempt at an interesting plot or character development. Michael Bay is the biggest shit-head, and South Park mocked him correctly. What’s worse is how the movie is whored around to sell videogames, toys, and other shitty products all in an attempt to earn revenue from starry eyed kids. Remember the shit storm that was “Batman and Robin“? Whenever a movie is aimed at children, it means the movie will be terrible. We saw that with X-Men and Batman (“The Dark Knight” would have been better if it was Rated R, oh, and if they didn’t cast a dipshit as Bruce Wayne) — censoring and dumbing things down for kids results in an all-around shitty product. I don’t know why movies should be directed at kids anyway since it a) makes a shittier product, b) kids are stupid and won’t know the difference anyway, c) kids will appreciate it either way because they are still stupid, and d) kids get too much attention anyway. Their opinion couldn’t be less relevant, especially because they will buy the toys anyway (remember that they are dumb).

I was really skeptical when they cast Jason Momoa as Conan since he largely looks like a tool. I also hated him at first when he played Khal Drogo in “Game of Thrones”, yet he proved his worth in the later episodes (by being fucking crazy). However, this guy should have been Drogo (from “The Quest”).

Momoa still may not be a good Conan despite his neatness in “Game of Thrones”. Here he is trying to look menacing while posteriorily rotating his hips to flex his abs.


He could be bigger. I never saw Thor, but I also thought Chris Hemsworth should have been a lot fucking bigger (he was playing Thor!). These assholes need to weigh at LEAST 235 lbs to play these characters. Someone should send a memo to Hollywood that being ripped and being bigger than your female co-actor are not the same as actually being big.

Momoa doesn’t seem like he fits the Conan characteristics. I haven’t read the early stories by Robert E. Howard (I probably will soon), but Conan is an “amoral swordsman” who is described as a “giant” and “massive”. No human is ever described as stronger than him and he can move like a panther. During his reign as king of Aquilonia, Conan was “… a tall man, mightily shouldered and deep of chest, with a massive corded neck and heavily muscled limbs.” Frankly, Momoa just doesn’t fit that build. Had he put on an extra 20 pounds of muscle, he might.

But it will depend on how the screen writers develop the character and how Momoa can act it out. Momoa did well as the Khal, yet Hollywood screen writers are NOT George R. R. Martin (who clearly doesn’t give a fuck). Screen writers in these big box office movies always create stupid fucking punch lines that are corny enough to incite rage quits everywhere. Not to mention the Conan preview above shows a bunch of special effects in what appears the be the later stages of the film. Special effects always aim to wow the audience and generally degrade the film (see anything that Michael Bay has touched).

I also get irritated with awful fight scenes, so hopefully the fight choreography is better than average. In “Alexander”, the shittiest fucking movie ever, the fight scenes consisted of a camera stuck on a broken clothes washer, zoomed in shots of weapons clanging, and guys making out (I hate that movie so much and Colin Ferrel is SUCH a twat). “Gladiator” and “Troy”, on the other hand, had amazing fight choreography; the Achilles verses Hector fight is one of the best fight scenes ever.

The one saving grace is that there appears to be plenty of gore. I get really pissed when movies shrimp on the blood and guts, especially when there are swords involved. For example, the director’s cut of Lord of the Rings had a lot of orc limbs being severed and generally more orc blood. This was good. Braveheart is the classic big box office movie that included lots of gore, and the first few minutes of the first episode of “Game of Thrones” shows dead children and a beheading. This is not only what I want to see because anything less isn’t realistic. Whenever I read historical accounts of battles, it always goes out of the way to point out how much blood is on the ground. There are usually pools of blood strewn across the battlefield and I’m yet to see a movie show this (except for this scene in Dead Alive — Rippetoe convinced AC and I to watch this movie and it’s the weirdest fucking thing ever).

Look, I’m really particular about my movies that have swords and melee fighting. My dream is to be an extra in a movie like this, bearded and hairy chest fighting with a sword. What else could be better? If there aren’t corny punch lines, plenty of violent killing, boobs and sex (an integral part of Conan lore), and non-shitty special effects fight scenes, then we should be good. But, I ask…
CROOOOM, WHERE IS THE WIZARD THAT KILLED MY MOTHER?
CROOOOM, WHERE ARE THE TWO DRAGONS FACING EACH OTHER?
CROOOOM, IF YOU’RE MY GOD THEN SHOW ME THE WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Over the last several years I’ve really tried to emphasize women training and lifting. I’ll remind a lot of you that in 2008, it was taboo to suggest that something like CrossFit should include strength training, yet nowadays women who lift are a regular part of the “online training culture”. The functional fitness and strength training communities produce women who not only perform well, but also look very good. It’s important to note the aesthetics of women in these training methodologies since women’s fashion includes physical appearance as well as accessorizing (clothing in this case). It’d be naive to think that appearance wasn’t an issue in either gender, but more foolish to think that female society doesn’t revolve around looks and fashion — training communities are no different. However, the functional fitness and strength communities like to poke fun at the body building communities.

The only difference between a bodybuilding community and other training communities are the means to an end. Everyone here has seen girls running around in panties, sports bras, and knee-high socks while doing a workout. We’ve also seen figure competitors pose for photo shoots or get on stage in hardly a bikini. I’m not complaining about either scenario, but they aren’t very different from one another. Figure competitors aren’t in a dehydrated state constantly throughout the year, and in order to develop the musculature needed to win they have to lift weights, eat properly, and they are usually pretty damn strong.

Direct your focus to :44 seconds.

There’s a lot going on here, but I want to direct your attention to Trish Warren squatting 135 lbs for the photo shoot. It’s not that she’s squatting it, it’s that she’s just repping it out like it’s a fucking joke…because it is. Here’s a gal that is trying to be seductive in this photo shoot while also showing off the physique that she’s built. She’s probably trying to catch a pump in her quads for the pics Regardless of how she’s built this physique, she has definitely done it by using barbells and dumbbells and eating properly. Some may suggest various fake aspects of her — steroids, boobs, tan, etc. — but they aren’t any different than what other women use in other training communities (including the functional fitness community). Trish is definitely strong. She can probably hit an easy set of 40 full range of motion push-ups, then stand up and squat 225 for a set of five, then rack the bar and run 400 meters in 60 seconds. The specifics are irrelevant; what matters is that she trained differently yet has similar capabilities because she has established a good base of musculature by getting strong and vice versa. The functional fitness female is similar — she looks great on the account of developing strength and musculature while eating well. In either case, the results are the same.

Regardless of whether narcissism is existant (in wanting to show off the newly crafted body in the gym, photos, or competition) women can get great results from busting their ass and training hard. Strength training can easily be programmed with up tempo barbell complexes, circuit training, or conditioning. To me, it seems like the best results stem from girls who are strong, yet also do high-rep lighter weight training on the side (I’m not suggesting this should be the case, it’s just my observation of seeing women in CF and globo gyms). Results won’t be quick for most girls and they should maintain their patience in a program. Most girls that have athletically appealing bodies have developed them over time, have a predisposition to that body type, or are using. Either way, training hard will be necessary.

With that being said, since being a girl and lifting weights is so en vogue, it almost seems like some women think that they get to stop there. “I do one strength lift before my conditioning workout and now I’m smug,” kind of seems to be the internet attitude. Reference the above video to see Trish smashing out about 40 reps with 135 (she also makes Marzia Prince look thin) and you’ll see that she’s not really impressed with doing one strength lift a day. Observe the following video:



Annie Moniqui clean and jerks 105 kg in that video. That’s 231 pounds that she’s pulling, front squatting, and then sticking overhead. Weighing 58kg, or a little less than 130 lbs. That’s pretty damn impressive.

Now that you are a female who trains, you no longer get a cookie just for doing the lifts. Instead, devote yourself into that training and consistently improve. Don’t just get stronger than the anorexic girl who rang you up at the super market, get strong for a woman that trains. Eat right, train hard, and do it consistently. The activity of lifting revolves around performance, not attendance. You are now held to higher standards. Do something about it.

And if you needed more motivation, here’s a Finnish girl who is doing a completely dead hang chin-up with 105.5kg total weight (including body weight). This should motivate some of you dudes, too.

I’m gonna be hiking early in the morning, so here’s a video of Briskin’s PR Friday from a week ago. Before you ask, he has a little bit of chest dropping that causes a forward lean in his bottom position. We’ve already talked about it and we don’t need your help.



Here’s another a vid of us hitting some DB curls post workout. Brent’s not in the vid cause he already changed. Jake really wanted this video to happen, and I know he’d be heartbroken if it didn’t make an appearance. There’s still some more random vids, and they’ll be released periodically over the next few days (if that’s what you’re into).


Happy PR Friday
Post your PR’s and training updates to the comments. Feel free to start a discussion on whatever.

I want to point out the title of this post includes the word “like” after “eating” and before “an asshole”. Most people who read this site, especially those who have been training for a few years, are shifting into cleaner diets. A paleo approach is an effective way to clean up a diet and set up a long-term way of eating. It typically improves the quality of food and has a standard drop in total carbohydrates with higher amounts of protein and fat. This style of eating can be augmented by proper carbohydrate timing — see Johnny Pain at Strength Villain for specifics on this. However, paleo can often not provide enough calories for hard training sessions, and this is the time that you’ll eat like an asshole.

Eating like an asshole is kind of like it sounds; eat in a way that would really piss off the diet groupies. It’s a high caloric meal that includes an amazingly higher carbohydrate amount. Guys who are watching their weight, waist circumference, or body fat know that when they eat a dirtier meal their weight and body fat will jump up a bit (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you have no business following the advice in this post). However, this dirtier meal provides the calories and anabolic environment to be conducive to a hard training session.

My friend Mike recently had to cut weight (again) to meet the PFT standards for his branch of military service. Unfortunately he has a short, thick torso and this hurts him in the waist circumference. He’s on a Texas Method style program, so the night before his intensity day he would eat like an asshole to prepare his body for the heavy lifting the next day. He’d eat quesadillas, bacon cheeseburgers, french fries, and an ice cream shake on Friday night (this is Mike’s heaven). On Saturday morning when he’d have jonathons (pancakes), English muffins, and hash browns. There are two things going on here: the higher calorie and carbohydrate amounts (mike normally eats 2.5 lbs of meat a day, so it’s not a significant increase in protein). The calories put his body in a surplus, a state of anabolism. The carbs jack up his insulin — an anabolic hormone — more so than lower amounts of carbs, protein, and calories would and create an optimal environment for that training session.

You don’t have to go over the top like Mike; he just likes to eat. Remember that it’s always relative to what your normal “during the week” diet is. If you only eat fruit and veggies for carbs, then a hamburger will most likely include more carbs than you are accustomed to. A chicken fried steak or meat and potatoes meal will have a relative higher calorie and carb count than anything paleo related. Breakfast could have the addition of toast, hash browns, and orange juice. Throw in some pancakes or a waffle, and you’ll be thoroughly prepared. As always, keep it relative to what you normally do. If you eat the same amount as Mike and shit yourself during the workout, it’s not my fault. It’s also not my fault if you get fat — your life is in your hands, dude.

Another example is AC. He works as a bouncer on weekends and usually works the night before his intensity day. This couldn’t less optimal, so what I recommend to him is a) eat a huge, dirty meal before work, b) bring a gallon of water with him to work (it’s absurdly hot and humid in south Georgia and he gets dehydrated from sweating his ass off in the bar), c) sleep for as long as he can after his shift (hopefully 9 hours), d) eat a big, dirty meal an hour or two before training, and e) drink some coffee before the session. Given his circumstances, this is will help him have an optimal training session. Of course there are other miscellaneous factors like sleep, hydration, diet, and mobility work during the week, but we’re focusing on what he can do in those last 18 hours before training to prep for that session as best as he can. In Mike’s case, give the fact that he has to cut as much weight and body fat as possible, it’s also the most optimal thing he can do within the first 18 hours of training.

The reason you’d want your breakfast an hour or two before the session is because the quickest that blood glucose levels will rise after eating will be about 45 minutes. This is the length of time that orange juice will effect glucose levels in the blood and is the standard with which other things are compared because it’s so quick. As a side note, FLEX magazine fucking thinks that orange juice is a slow digesting carb — what kind of bullshit is that? In any case, the fastest that glucose levels — and thus insulin — will be elevated is about 45 to 90 minutes, so training 60 to 120 minutes after eating is optimal. Of course you can ingest juice or other carbs like waxy maize during the workout to get ahead on your post workout nutrition. As for the coffee, it clearly is a dose of caffeine that will act as an important lifting stimulant. If you’re only doing conditioning, you wouldn’t have coffee since it increases heart rate…but if you were only doing conditioning you wouldn’t be doing all this eating because you’d be starving yourself to look like this (note to self: Googling “emo skinny guy” will elevate HR, blood pressure, and cortisol levels).

Brent and I ate like this before every one of our training sessions last week despite the fact that we both usually eat cleaner. Brent in particular relies on timing and types of food to help his training sessions because he doesn’t fucking sleep like a normal human (he previously didn’t hydrate well, but I think I mocked him enough last week to change that). If you have a particularly shitty week with lots of obligatory physical activity or lack of sleep, then eating like this and using caffeine (cocaine?) will help you get the most out of your training session. Oh, and doing “intermittent fasting” will be fucking useless if you’re actually trying to train and grow muscle. I can’t think of a shittier way to prepare for hard training sessions than not eating any calories. For the record, I think IF isn’t an optimal way to drop body fat either. And before anyone posts to defend it, I don’t really care: it isn’t a way of eating that is going to be optimal for long term health and is just fucking with hormone levels.

The more advanced a lifter is, the more muscle mass he has, and the less body fat he is will require him to pay attention to these ancillary concepts. Before all of you goons start shooting from the hip and say, “Justin said I can eat candy and soda on Friday nights and stay up past eight,”…settle the fuck down. You can accomplish this dirty eating with cleaner types of food, and you’ll need to if you’re aiming to drop body fat. Johnny Pain has mentioned using oats in the protein shake before bed, and technically you could accomplish the same thing with fruit or sweet potatoes/yams (stop calling sweet potatoes yams; yams are tropically grown). The concept of increasing calories and carbs is the same, yet it’s just not as fun. I do want to point out that there’s something to be said for some dirtier meals, particularly in cholesterol intake. In the 70’s Big Chat, Pendlay talked about the utility in cholesterol rich foods for people training really hard (e.g. his lifters). Cholesterol is necessary for healing tissues (that would be naturally damaged via training in this case) and hormone production, so making sure to get it will help the hormonal system smoothly. How you eat like an asshole is up to you, but now you have a conceptual understanding of how it will improve a heavy training session.

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Here’s another vid from the Monterey vacation. This has no lifting and appears to be long, but I promise you won’t be disappointed.


Also: Gabe gets serious

I don’t have anything impressive to say. We’ll do a chat room tonight; put what time you want it to be in the comments. It won’t start any later than 8 PM EST. Here are a few videos so far, and I’ll be editing a few more to get it over with as I edit some writing stuff.

Here’s a PR press I did on Sunday. Was only a 5 pound overall PR, but we were tired that day so I’ll take it rather than leave it.




This video is okay; nothing special really. The ending is kinda funny.


There will be a few more vids today.