Running, burpees, turkish get ups, kettlebell swings, and…pain. That’s what Johnny Pain’s new e-book, “50 More Greyskull Approved Conditioning Workouts for the Modern Viking“, consists of. The model for all of the workouts is the infamous Bony, who apparently is a glutton for punishment.

This e-book is pretty straight forward: it consists of 50 conditioning workouts that will make a man out of you. When I program conditioning for someone who is training for something, I primarily the entire workout to consist of efficient, large-scale movements that utilize a lot of muscle to use up as much energy as possible to induce the stress. In FIT I also talk about how to properly program the conditioning in accordance with your strength training. If you combine these elements with this e-book by JP, you have a repertoire of workouts to plug into your program.

There are a few workouts that use some slower movements, like floor whipers, lunges, and leg raises (interspersed with chin-ups), yet there is something to be said for getting through grueling sets of exercises. It does a few things: it provides a mental challenge without superfluous chipper-type workouts, it gets lots of muscular contraction which can assist in developing the look of muscles (see Arnold’s Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding if you’re confused), and they still provide a much higher relative stress compared to just straight lifting. In other words, the slower, arduous movements may not get maximum levels of stress, but for most people they won’t need those high levels of stress and can receive a benefit to conditioning and musculature with these other movements. Besides, a movement like the backwards crab walk — influenced by JP’s Airborne infantry background — is a good way to work on agility, mobility, and pissing blood.

Workout #14 is very similar to something that I have used once a week for a while: burpees alternated with kettlebell swings (this workout alternates them in 30 second increments). JP uses creative exercise and rest period combinations that I’m sure will give you plenty of ideas for your own training. The best part of it all is that the workouts are all short and intense; you get a lot of bang for your buck so that you can bang when you fuck. God damn, I should copyright that. InventHelp Invention Company is who I will call for copyrighting and patenting.

Purchase it HERE.

Chris is a big, bad dude. One time, Mike, Chris, and I were leaving a bar and Chris was worried about the group of people his girlfriend was hanging out with. I don’t remember why he was mad, but I was convinced that I would have to go with him as he kicked these people’s door in and pick them up by the neck and bash their heads together like King Kong.

Chris has a pretty full schedule. He’s in his second year of grad school (getting his Master’s), teaches classes for his grad assistantship, and also has a part-time job. It doesn’t leave a lot of time and energy for training, but he gets it done nonetheless.

Chris squatting 610×3 on Saturday. Skip to :30.

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Learning How To Fail

There will be a point in a girl’s training when something will go wrong. This isn’t unique to females, but it’s more significant to them when it happens. When a guy fails a weight or busts his ass squatting, he’s embarrassed and ashamed, but typically more pissed off. He’ll mutter, “God damn it,” scrape himself off the floor, re-rack the weight, and try it again. He’s pissed, yet has a hint of competitiveness. This could be from playing sports in high school or a heightened relative aggression due to an evolutionary development that results in at least ten times the amount of testosterone. Either way, when girls who are new to training fail, they can get upset and will even cry.

It doesn’t always have to occur after an embarrassing ass-busting that results in everyone in the gym staring. Instead, it can occur with experienced girls who miss a much desired PR. Sorry if you’re a tough-guy girl who feels the need to respond to every discrepancy that isn’t aimed at you, but most girls will cry at least once in the gym.

This can be awkward or difficult, because most guys won’t know what to do (and will often just want to go make a sandwich). Yet it’s relevant, because focusing on “today” is erroneous when training is actually a process. Anybody who broods excessively over a shitty workout just ends up being a pain in the ass. You’re allowed to brood if you bomb out at a meet, but not if you miss a rep off of your work set. Failing is supposed to be a part of training. It needs to happen. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t get any better.

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Happy PR Friday — post your training updates and PR’s to the comments. Also, if you participate in another sport besides lifting, I’m interested to hear about it.
Today’s post is written by my homie Jacob Cloud. Enjoy.

Another Awesome Day
By Jacob Cloud

You ever just have one of those fucking awesome days? I have them all the damn time. Sometimes I share them with Justin, and sometimes he decides to share them with you guys. Last summer, I had an epic day full of mustachiod awesomeness, and snapped some pics, and Justin put it up for all to see. Check it out HERE.

Not too long after, I was training at the best gym in Austin, Hyde Park Gym…wait, let me tell you a little something about Hyde Park Gym. Actually, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Yeah, it’s awesome. So anyway, a few days after the article above, I walk into the gym, and I’m warming up for squats, and the front desk kid comes up and kinda sheepishly asks, “Hey man…are you Jacob, from 70sbig?” I knew I was going to like this guy right off the bat. Nevermind the fact that he knew my name from the sign in sheet. His next line guaranteed a bromance rivalled only by that of Justin and AC, or me and Kittensmash. He proceeded to comment, “Dang, you look bigger in real life.” It’s official – I fell for the guy. His name is Rory.

Now, Rory is no small fella himself. He ended his linear progression at about 5-foot-nuthin and 235 pounds, a big slap in the face to all you sub 6-footers complaining about becoming adult males. He and his dad also run a food trailer featuring delicious pork, which helps. The local paper wrote it up here and even described Rory as “a student and champion powerlifter with an easy charm that makes him a better customer ambassador than his dad, whose gruff manner takes some getting used to.” Nice. They spoke highly of the pig meat, too. Go to 3 Little Pigs. It’s road-trip-worthy. Trust me.
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Maslow must be bored as shit at work, because he always sends me pretty awesome links. He sent me a list of Top 30 Jacked NFL Players. I thought it was a decent list but it seems they were just looking at muscularity. Reggie Bush, for example, shouldn’t fucking be on the list.
Here are my impressions as I looked at the list:

– I bet standing next to Mike Sellers makes you feel small
– Bob Sanders is a good athlete, but I wouldn’t consider him to be jacked enough to make this list
– There aren’t really any lineman on here, especially D-lineman
– Quincy Black is fucking legit
– So is Clay Matthews, but when you’re black your muscles stand out, so I’ll put a picture of Quincy instead
– MJD is stout as fuck
– Who the FUCK is Igor Olshansky and whose dugan did he fondle to get on this list?
– Joey Porter is a queer. Didn’t he get stiff-armed by Kellen Winslow Jr. when Winslow had two gimp knees and Porter had shit-talked him all week?
– Adrian Wilson, absolute genetic freak
– Tim Hightower could be more impressive. He wouldn’t make my list.
– Connor Barwin would.
– So would James Casey, but that’s enough white players.
– I’ve always thought Ernie Sims was jacked. And a genetic freak.
– Brian Cushing wouldn’t make the list because he’s a dipshit.
– Brady Quinn? Are you fucking serious?
– Patrick Willis is a specimen, but he wouldn’t crack my top 15 (he’s 13 here). Where are all jacked D-lineman (not the fat guys, but the ones who are truly jacked)?
– Of course Peyton Hillis would be here, but it makes me sad because Pat Shurmur is a FUCKING idiot who had Colt McCoy throw the ball 61 FUCKING TIMES and ran Peyton only 10. Peyton will be on another team next year and will kick major ass. It makes me sad.

– Terrell Owens’ half-brother was on my high school team when I was a sophomore. My friends started a joke that my friend Ted slapped him and ran off. Everyone believed it and it was put in the yearbook. Other than that, TO is yawn.
– Reggie Bush in the top ten? This countdown is pathetic.
– Getting better with Brian Orakpo and Greg Jones. Jones is legit top ten.
– Adrian Peterson and Thomas Jones are not.
– LaRon Landry bought his arms on eBay.
– Vernon Davis no, Andre Carter yes. I still would want bigger in the top ten though.
– Thomas Clayton is dece, but #2? C’mon…
– Unfortunately Vernon Gholston doesn’t even qualify as being in the NFL right now. 700 pound squat wasted. But he is more of what I consider to be jacked.

Maybe we should make a list of top 30 yoked NFL players?