Chris is a big, bad dude. One time, Mike, Chris, and I were leaving a bar and Chris was worried about the group of people his girlfriend was hanging out with. I don’t remember why he was mad, but I was convinced that I would have to go with him as he kicked these people’s door in and pick them up by the neck and bash their heads together like King Kong.

Chris and his rig

Chris has a pretty full schedule. He’s in his second year of grad school (getting his Master’s), teaches classes for his grad assistantship, and also has a part-time job. It doesn’t leave a lot of time and energy for training, but he gets it done nonetheless.

Chris squatting 610×3 on Saturday. Skip to :30.

Another time Chris and I went to a sports store and for at least half an hour we were making up full names that included Gordon, Todd, and Melvin. Chris suggested Todd McGordon-fuck. Gordon Todd McDugan-Fuck was one of mine. Gordon McTodd. Melvin O’Gordon. This went on for at least half an hour and we laughed the whole time.

A strange no-sound third attempt deadlift at 666 pounds (300kg) from USAPL Raw Nationals.

Despite his size and strength, Chris has excellent precision in various athletic movements with throwing and catching coming to mind. He has excellent hands and can gracefully throw any type of ball. We used to go to the pool and throw the tennis ball. He’d call me up, “Tennis ball?” and I’d say, “Yeah. Be right over.” Of course it would take me at least 45 minutes when I only lived across the highway, but it’s fiiine.

A video of Chris’ rig.

Another time we were eating breakfast at a diner in San Antonio, and Brent was being extra ornery. He was antagonizing Chris, so Chris said, “Ask me how much I squat Brent?”
“How much do you squat, Chris?”
“First, more than you…”
And that’s how it goes.

23 thoughts on “Chris

  1. Chris has my platonic ideal of a workout facility. I’m just in total envy every time a video is posted from that garage. One day…one day I’ll return to the suburbs and have my own special place like that.

    Yeah Metallica definitely lost their last drum key before it was time to record that album. Just terrible.

  2. Chris, you are a man’s man. That was some epic squattage. As a die hard metallica fan, I have forgotten about St. Anger and live with the glory of the past and the tolerable rage of latest cd, but their collab with Lou Reed (at least the 1st track) sounded God awful. So I just put in my Live Sh*t binge and purge cd and rock out to that.

  3. What does Chris study? For some reason I’m feeling biology or physics, perhaps math. Definitely something science, math, or engineering related.

  4. I love the spray painted rims. I would have thought the spray paint was a joke, but those are definitely late 90s OEM Chevy/GMC rims.

    My crazy story for the day. I do CFFB out of a crossfit gym (cut me some slack, no other gym near me has bumpers). They close at 7, so I have to go straight from work in order to get there for my workout. Today I forgot my gym clothes and I was going to count the day as a loss. Luckily, I had my shoes and belt in the car, so I said “screw that, it’s deadlift day”. Long story short, I deadlifted 305×5 in carhartts and a polo (you have no clue how impressive CFers think 305 is). I think the funny part was that a class was warming up while I did this. Most of them, including the coaches, were looking at me like “wtf?”.

    I’m so glad it wasn’t a squat day, that would have been difficult shirtless and with carhartts on. My old roommate joked that heavy squatting in the canvas pants may emulate a squat suit, but I’m not interested in finding out.

  5. Chris always seems hilarious and awesome and real down to earth. Out of all you guys, I think my biggest gay crush is on Chris. I wish he updated his log more often, but dude sounds pretty busy.

  6. @Patrick

    I have seen guys quarter squat in cargos before. Personally, I don’t understand how people can squat in “normal” length shorts (especially MMA fight shorts). I tend to roll my waist band up, soffe style, to get them closer to mid thigh.

    Does anyone have recommendations for short shorts for sports? My casual shorts have a 5″ inseam and I would want something at least that short. Should I go for legit running shorts (not the “short” ones at Dick’s)?

  7. @wreeder

    i bought a pair of soffe shorts to see what the big deal was and holy shit it’s like squatting nekkid. go with soffe shorts, they’re like $8.99

  8. wreeder, sportsauthority has some russel shorts for $3.97 that look like this, with the Russel logo:

    I bought 2 pairs in the store and saw a laker purple pair at ross for 1.97, I now own the same # of training shorts as I do pants or shorts of any type. I’m into whatevers cheap and does its job(well); still wear the same jeans I wore as a freshman in 2006. Definately recommended for squatting, running, and easy to slip a pair of sweats on over for deadlifts.

    Those are cotton though. Cotton shorts will get soaked with sweat. 100% polyester Russell shorts are my favorite, but I can’t find them anywhere. My three pairs are falling apart. I bought them at Academy originally a few years ago. They don’t have a big stupid waist band (like stupid basketball shorts), aren’t cotton (which gives you swamp ass), and aren’t long. Having bigger thighs makes long shorts unwearable, especially when squatting.

    Oh shit! I think I just found them:
    I’ve looked online before and could never find them.
    Edit: The fuckers are out of my size (L).


  9. The RA mesh short is the greatest training short ever and they even have side pockets. When I first started training for powerlifting my group had a 275er and a SHW and they had massive thighs. The only shorts that didn’t look spray painted on were the RA mesh so I went out and bought two pair at a local sports store. That was in 06 and I could never find them since. Thanks for the link Justin.

  10. Thanks for the comments. Those nike’s looked awesome, but $50 for a pair of gym shorts is wayyy too rich for my blood.

    I went to the sports authority, looked around the men’s for those RA shorts, didn’t see them. I ended up getting a pair of Soffe’s. I haven’t squatted in them yet but they feel good moving around in. I am worried about the cotton/sweat issue. If it turns out to be a problem then I’ll spring for either nicer girls gym shorts (maybe those nikes all the sorostitutes are obsessed with?) or order cheap 5″ running shorts.

  11. He’s gotten a lot bigger. He has several medications that make fat loss difficult, but it’s something we’re trying to do (unsuccessfully given grad school, teaching classes, and having a part-time job).

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