The BMI Is Getting Old

Posted on June 8, 2010 by Justin

I understand why the Body Mass Index (BMI) was created — it’s so much easier to let the computer divide two numbers (mass (kg) / height^2 (m)) than to implement some kind of bodyfat measurement. But using it as a metric to inform people whether they are healthy or not? Are you kidding me?

The general public was introduced to the BMI in the late 1990s as an initiative for healthy eating and exercise. If the government didn’t officially recommend a shitty diet in the first place, we wouldn’t have as large of a problem, but that’s another story altogether. In any case, Americans who are ignorant in the realm of health and/or exercise bought into this crappy hysteria, thinking that if they were “overweight” by the BMI standards (AKA government standards), then they needed to lose weight (ignoring body composition completely). The BMI is horse puckey because it doesn’t take into account lean body mass; it is merely a ratio of height and weight. This means that anybody who has some muscle (i.e. adult males) are considered, at the very least, overweight. And now that I think about it, I blame the government for acting as the catalyst that made America think being small is not only okay, but preferred. This is what we’re up against folks; government and society.

Anyway, this article points out how Mike Tyson (in his prime) is considered “obese”, and Lance Armstrong is considered “overweight”. On a similar note, the military uses the BMI to gauge health in their preventative health assessments. Not to mention the Air Force’s PT test includes a waist circumference measure that accounts for 30% of their total grade. And height isn’t taken into account, so a 6’7″ guy in the Air Force (I’ve met one) is measured to the same standards as a 5’7″ guy. And this somehow makes sense…?

Click to see the BMI chart

Look America, the BMI is getting old. I don’t know how you’re going to gauge the health of your citizens — the logistics are your problem. But this index is convincing everybody to be pretty much small and worthless, and that is despicable. There are plenty of bodyfat measures, although all the bio-impedence tools are almost as worthless as a 135 pound “guy”.

Weakling society and stupid regulations aside, the BMI is branding anybody who is decently strong as “unhealthy” when this couldn’t be further from the truth. When strength is maintained properly throughout life, it serves as the primary aid in old age. Get strong, stay strong, train/exercise consistently, eat moderately healthy, and you’ll be prepared for longevity to the best of your ability. If you can ignore the doctor claiming that you’re obese…

Not Impressed

Posted on May 19, 2010 by Justin

Spring semesters all over the country are coming to a close. For most college football programs, this means that most of the athletes will go home for a couple of months before coming back for pre-season practice before school starts. A typical program will put their players through a gamut of tests to see how well (or not?) they improved. The LSU football did such a thing, and recently posted an article about it.

Before I say anything else, let me clarify that I’m an SEC guy. I like LSU in the sense that I will root for them when they play non-conference teams. I’ve watched many memorable games (my favorite being a defensive showdown a few years ago with Auburn — the 4th quarter was amazing). SEC Football is typically some of the most impressive, exciting college football in the country. The teams yield impressive athletes and the conference is known for the quality of intra-conference competition. I’m not crazy about one college football team or another, but I do dislike some teams. LSU is not one of those teams. I say all this, because college football fans are fucking nut jobs and I don’t really care to get into a crazy fan war.

With all that being said, one phrase comes to mind when I see the results of LSU’s testing:
Not impressed.

Sorry. Scroll down in that article and look at the top 5 squatters. 545, 535 (3 times), and 510. Really? These guys are the cream of the genetic crop from high school. Some of them may have a shot at the NFL, and they play on one of the best teams in one of the best conferences in the country. Even I squatted 500 for an easy triple a few weeks ago. I will give Patrick Peterson some props — he’s a cornerback listed at 6’1 and 211 (which means he’s actually 5’10” and 195). In other words, he is almost squatting the most on the team weighing around 200 pounds while there are guys who weigh 290+.

Yes, I understand these guys are football players and their primary “sport” is not lifting. But I really expected to see some 600+ squats on the team. Maybe even 700.

I’m not really impressed with the clean numbers either. The best clean, which was a school record, is 374. Granted, I’ve never cleaned 170 kg yet (I’ve done 165), I just really expected these genetic freaks to be doing more. It is important to note that Michael Ford (a sophomore running back who is listed at 5’10” and 207) led the team with a 42″ vertical jump AND was third on the team with a 352 lb clean. There is definitely a correlation between these two activities, and neuromuscular efficiency dictates this. It’s genetic, so you either have it or you don’t. Sorry I’m not sorry.

The other lifts tested were the jerk (which I found surprising, but good on them for incorporating the jerk into their program and getting pretty decent numbers) and bench press. Now, these fulls definitely went into beast mode on the bench. The top BP was Drake Nevis, a defensive lineman listed at 6’1″ and 292 lbs, at 475 lbs. Obviously these guys are raw, and that’s damned impressive. Guess who got second on the BP? Michael Ford at 425. Read that again — a 207 lb running back just benched 425. Fuck.

The hand timed 40 yard dash is iffy, though. If you’ve ever followed SEC 40 times (cough, cough, Florida), then you know they are comically low. The fastest time was Patrick Peterson, that little ol’ cornerback who squatted 535. Now, it is hand timed, but if you have a dude like that running that fast with that kind of strength behind him…he’s gonna do some damage.

Guys like Patrick Peterson, Michael Ford, and Drake Nevis are why football continues to be an impressive sport. Knowing that they possess that kind of ability makes me want to follow them throughout the season. I like guys that work hard in the gym.

But, football is a game that is dependent on the hips, and this makes squatting and cleans the most important exercises to improve performance. I would have assumed these lifts would have been monstrous, and they are right about what I am capable of. I coached somebody who played football in college with Brian Urlacher, and they said he power cleaned 405. That’s the kind of stuff I expected to see. Until I see some 600 pound squats, I will continue to be “not impressed” no matter how good their 40 times or bench presses are.

Don’t Be A Skinny Guy – 101

Posted on April 8, 2010 by Justin

“I don’t want to sound like a queer or nothin’, but unicorns are kick ass!”

Skinny Guy, I want you to know that I care. I pity you.

I pity your cute little legs and your hunched shoulders. You hunch them so that you can flex your trunk easier in order to continuously flex your abs. A whimsical breeze could hit you at an angle that would knock your shirt clean off! If you can’t dazzle them with size, then cut their pupils with your 1280×1024 resolution abs.

Alas! Your abominable abdominals don’t have much utility outside of a non-hetero vampire movie. But don’t worry, Uncle Justin wants what’s best for you. I want you to be strong so that if when the inevitable zombie outbreak or nuclear holocaust occurs (whichever comes first), then you’ll be of some use to the rest of us.

“How can I do it? I have gone so many years without consuming a solid meal that I don’t know where to begin!” I hear your plight, Skinny Guy. Luckily, mainstream media is here to the rescue. They took time out of their busy schedule of updating us on American Idol and verbally performing fellatio on the head of the state to teach Skinny Guy what to eat.

The bun-free (“so meaty, there’s no room”) sandwich features two pieces of bacon, two slices of melted cheese and “Colonel’s Sauce” – which KFC officials said is a “zesty mayonnaise” — slathered between two chicken filets, either original recipe (540 calories and 32 fat grams per KFC.com) or the slightly slimmer grilled version (460 calories and 23 fat grams).

KFC Doubledown

Look at that, Skinny Guy. This is your density! Or something…

I especially like how the Chicken Ranch Taco Salad at Taco Bell weighs in at 910 calories and is apparently the second most caloric item on the menu. I also love how all of the blogs around the country are flipping their shit over this, as if caloric food is something new. The stupid-ass Huffington Post says they are “going too far” (Fun Fact of the Day: The Huffington Post linked to 70’s Big at the end of last year…well, okay, someone in the comments linked to us, but I found it amusing nonetheless). Everyone will try to shame the KFC, but I will stand against convention and tyranny and say, “Thank you, KFC, for caring about all of the Skinny Guys out there. You make my job easier.”

Shawn Gets Angry

Posted on February 17, 2010 by Justin

A few weeks ago, I got an e-mail from my childhood friend Shawn. He went to the University of Georgia for undergrad, and is now in law school. He lives in the Gwinnett County area outside of Atlanta. The subject of the e-mail was “You’re nothing if not a complete asshole”, and this is his story.
Note: All of you people who don’t like profanity are not going to like this.

I say you’re an asshole for the following reasons. To begin with, 3 years ago I was in search of a gym and of getting serious about training. I was completely blown away and baffled by the bitchiness of UGA’s “gym”. The basketball team and the football team both have SEPARATE buildings with strength training equipment and yet the “gym” for 40,000+ other students – as you saw – was equipped with 2 power racks and is all of 300 square feet – most of which is cluttered with treadmills.
When I was searching for a decent gym – you called from a sailboat and teased me into thinking there was a glorious gym opening up nearby…You got me man.

Here Shawn references when my professor prank called him from Key West posing as a gym owner in Athens, Georgia. As I recall, he was not amused.

Next, last week, I went to work out only to find out that Gold’s has closed it””s doors. Instead of an apology for no notice there was merely a letter saying our memberships were transferred to Bodyplex FITNESS ADVENTURE in motherfucking Grayson.

I went anyway. I was nothing if not disappointed. I weigh 215 lbs at 6’2”””” today, and there is absolutely no fucking reason I should be the biggest guy in the gym. Ever. At any time. In Bodyplex “fitness adventure” there is ONE power rack, which I assume should suffice for anyone wanting to squat and press, but forget deadlifting. There are 2 benches, and there are several benches for free weight exercise – however there are no free barbells. I attempted to deadlift, which I was probably doing wrong, when I was asked by an employee to “not bang the weights”. On top of this, I was attempting to bench 245 for 3 sets of 5. After my second set – I returned to my bench and there was a guy in some sort of superhero complete body spandex doing step ups or quasi-lunges on my mother fucking bench which was loaded and had my belt, keys, and humility beside it. I’ve always wanted to be in a sober fight, so I stopped him and said, “Hey man what the fuck?” and pointed to my bench. He said “Oh my bad bro, didn’t know you were using it.” After hearing this I had a small seizure and went back to working out – only to be interrupted by another employee. This employee walked up, leaned over while I was on my 2nd rep of 245 and said “Excuse me sir, you are going to have to keep it down.” I think we both know I left directly after saying, “What a bad ass gym”.

I came home to realize I have no gym to go to. As I perused the internet to find a decent and affordable power rack along with barbells, plates, and a bench, I find your video fucking TOUTING your ideal gym. Fuck bodyplex, and more importantly fuck gold’s gym for being complete asses to their loyal patrons. And further fuck LA Fitness for having a pool — the last thing I want is to pay $45 a month to swim in a pool of fat older people’s taint sweat.

I don’t actually think you’re an asshole, just jealous of your workout facility. Enjoy it, the closest strength training facility here is in Duluth and appears to be totally fagged-out since their website advertises the “300 workout!!”.

I’m building my own fucking gym. I’m using Rip’s advice from the book…

I’d Like A Word With You…

Posted on February 16, 2010 by Justin

“If I tell ya the truth, I’ll tell you a lie, but if you call me false I’ll also tell you a lie…”

Look, I know Doug Young was taking steroids, okay? Do you think I am some kind of moron? Everybody was on steroids in the seventies, and I don’t really care. Steroids are a tool utilized in order to recover — this is how they were used then, and this is how they are used now. I do not, and never have, taken steroids (if I did, I would be a shit-load stronger than I am now). All of my friends don’t take steroids either. And that’s the point.

What, you think a picture of my lousy 230 pound frame is going to inspire Skinny Guy to start lifting? No. I need everyone to epitomize something that is far beyond their reach so that they always have something to strive for. Doug and The Pizz do this. Ricky inspires you to train like you are insane. Us…not so much.

Studly? Yes. Inspiring? Probably. Doug Young caliber? Not quite...

Just because a guy is on steroids doesn’t make his success any less impressive. And just because most of us don’t take them doesn’t make us any better, or worse, than them. It’s not like Doug Young wasn’t a genetic specimen without them anyway, so grow up and quit worrying about it. If I set the bar high, then I give people something to strive for. So far the quest to being 70’s Big has helped turn many boys into men. Everyone wins.

———-
Here is some Reader Mail. Louis apparently had a PR on his squat workout in the linear progression. I am happy for Louis, but if I ever meet him I’m gonna slap him upside the head for not including the weight he was squatting. This bone head’s saving grace is the plug at the end of the vid…along with his beard that I felt that you should all see.

3×5 Squat PR from Louis H. Poulin II on Vimeo.