Feel The Burn

At the gym I attend, there’s this guy who “trains” a group of catty women. His session is comprised of him not having a plan and randomly picking things for them to do. They often include torso rotations with a wooden dowel, half lunges, and pull-up negatives accompanied by lots of chatter and exasperated expressions. It drives me fucking insane.

The women never stop talking before, during, or after exercising. As a general rule, if you’re talking during an exercise, then it isn’t a friggin’ exercise. No worthy physical adaptive stress is imparted during conversation.

I don’t know why I hate them so much. Maybe it’s because they have no respect for the sanctity of hard work? They talk about frivolous bullshit while I’m trying to press, snatch, or squat. There’s a reason I go and turn down the the volume on the TVs (that are inevitably airing Fox News) next to the squat rack when I get there; it’s not a fucking break room, it’s a gym.

Maybe I hate them because they are fooled by this guy whose only qualification is wearing a collared shirt and his only preparation is thumbing his butt hole before arriving. It seems like he licks his finger thumb, holds it to the breeze, and nonchalantly gauges the windspeed before randomly picking out a fitness destination for his clients. There’s no objective, no tact, no substance.

This personal trainer is trying to catch a whiff of this trainee's crotch

But they feel the burn. The women walk around in their designer workout clothes and hold their water bottles between their thumbs and first two fingers. After all, they went to the gym today. They can go home satisfied and turn on Desperate Housewives (why are they so desperate?) followed by calling their sister to tell her how she saw another woman with the exact same shirt and pants combo that caused her to go back inside and change.

Ladies. Gentlemen. This is what we’re up against.

47 thoughts on “Feel The Burn

  1. Yes, but we know better than to fall for such nonsense. How can you be up against something when it has zero bearing on your training? It’s not like these gals are curling in the power cage.

  2. I think what really bothers you, is that you know that the “trainer” gets jerked and worked by the hotties in that class. I know from experience, I used to be “that guy.”

  3. AHHH the socializing in the gym. At least they don’t try to bring you into it. I have a few polite words for people I see in the gym regularly but there are people I have learned not to speak to at all. My time in the gym is short and precious and they just won’t shut it!

    PS How’s your back?

  4. I assume that trainer knows what he’s up against as well. I’m guessing if he pushes his group to actually work hard, they’d complain. Then, he loses clients and doesn’t get paid. Vicious cycle. Hence the difference between trainer and coach.

  5. Djay, I actually do have a folder somewhere called “assorted girls.” They really do like to send you pictures to show you how much you’ve helped them. Of course, you can find the same type of things on a subreddit. That dude may be an awful trainer, but he is definitely getting in hip extension work off the clock.

  6. Should be that guy to interject. Oh man, that’d be great.

    “Sorry, but your trainer is an idiot. Oh, sorry. I’m talking like you’re not here. Let’s try that again. You’re an idiot.”

  7. Reminds me of the Tracy Anderson post. Someday, I will print both and read to children, and my children’s children, and the clan of my seed will conquer Eurasia with the knowledge thereof.

  8. Those same women go to my gym too and I thoroughly hate them. The music on my ipod doesn’t go loud enough to drown out their useless conversations about their sister’s best friend’s husband bla bla bla. Shut up and train bitches.

  9. @kav36: I’ve learned from training my friends (basically just teaching them correct form and introducing them to SS) that it’s impossible to be their friend in the gym. If you’re too nice to people they won’t do anything hard. If you want them to actually try and work their ass off, you oftentimes need to give them a slap in the face and get them out of the illusion that they can achieve their goals with as little work possible. Really does suck. This usually happens with people that haven’t trained before, I don’t mean all people are like this. Usually the ones too lazy to go by themselves in the first place

  10. There’s a female trainer at my gym who ALWAYS does this shit. Last night my fiance was doing her prone bridges and pushups on the mats in the corner of the room. The “trainer” came over and asked, no, told her to move becuase her “client was coming in and they needed the space.” Apparently this has happened before. My lady tries to keep the peace, so she went to a mat on the other side of the room. Then another woman came and used the mat. “Trainer” came back and told this woman to move. She refused and said “no, I pay for this mat space just as much as your client.” An argument ensued. Eventually the woman moved over. Then the client showed up and laid on the ground doing a few crunches while the trainer and her talked about their dates and friends. In the past this “trainer” has told me not to squat deep, and that eating animal fats and meat generally is going to cause stomach cancer. Cancer?! I’ve seen her outside the gym smoking before. She also has breast implants and regularly walks on the treadmill on an incline while holding onto the handles. I have more to say but I’ll save it.

  11. There was a similar “training session” going on near me once that I couldn’t tune out. The trainee was yakking the entire time, and actually asked the trainer to decrease the weight because she was having trouble holding conversation. Of course the trainer did so. I think a lot of these people just want someone to listen to their BS for an hour.

  12. It looks like 70sbig’s narrative has shifted a bit now that you’re training in a commercial gym. Not complaining. It’s cool. Just noticing.

    Well, I guess it’s time for you to start your own gym. Again.

    Sure, there’s progress to be had in educating the plebeians in the commercial gyms, but isn’t there more value in opening a proper gym where everyone, no matter their training level, ends up on the virtuous path of barbell training by being dropped in a badass environment?

    Start the 70sbig gym.

  13. So much hate. I love it.

    Luckily my Globo Gym is a loud, color saturated assault on the senses, so it’s actually rare to be able to pick up on what other people are doing to a degree that it’s distracting.

  14. Some of the men at my gym do the same kind of thing. One guy is always riding my ass. Rags me for training six days a week and brags about training 45 min two days a week. Brags about how his Harley is faster than my Honda 919. Which he then calls a rice burner. Brags about how much weight he used to lift. Rags me about how my face turns red when I press. Dude can’t get over the fact that a woman is consistently outlifting him I guess. It’s been a year and I’m on my bike every day but I’ve yet to see him on his Harley.

    I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubble gum.

  15. Sounds like the trainer is mostly to blame. The clients don’t know any better. I don’t really care what other people do with their gym time. If it’s their social hour, fine. Just don’t bother me and don’t curl in the squat rack.

    And in fairness, the bros who bench and chit-chat in groups of five are just as annoying.

  16. Most the trainers at the Lalala fitless shop I go to look like concentration camp survivors and I’m assuming their clients are in pursuit of the same look. More makeup and shoe combinations than a nudey club and the conversations I’ve been witness to there make me cringe. I hate them too, but I have come to enjoy them more since I was introduced to fuckarounditis by Martin Berkham. They provide me countless laughs now. The hate is still there but most times it’s tempered by their acts of hardcoreness balancing on bosu balls.

  17. Makes me feel blessed to work out where I do and with the people I do. Strength and hard work is respected and matching outfits not expected. I am guilty of chatting though, but I’m like super interesting and funny so no one minds.

    Chatting is fine, but not with sentences that always end in an upward inflection.


  18. This could not be more timely. I was just telling my wife about the skinny trainer dude whose real job is to listen to fat ladies bitch about their meaningless lives as they go through non-strenuous but ever-imaginative routines.

    What really frustrates me is that they still look just as fat and are using the same teal dumbells month after month without questioning the process.

  19. I don’t mind socializing in the gym since I like long breaks in-between sets but it isn’t something I actively strive to do. I train without a partner or anybody so I usually have nobody to talk to but if I see someone I’ll say hi. There is no reason to be rude and avoid conversation. There IS a difference between chatting 100% of the time and talking every once in a while in-between sets and then buckling down and focusing on hard work. Seeing people bring their cell phone to the gym and interrupt a set to answer a call or text is something I find reprehensible.


    You should tell your fiance to go to the squat rack because I’m guessing the “clients” aren’t squatting.

  20. investorguy, you nailed it, my fiance and I can’t waitttttttt until we build and can put in our own home gym. free of dbag trainers, no brag board that has wall sits and 50% BW deadlifts for reps on it and people act like it’s something to be proud of. arghhhhh!

  21. Couple weeks back I messaged John Welbourn telling him something my mum’s Zumba instructor told her (after attending a CFFB Cert I learned, among other stuff, that no one whales on Zumba better than Welbourn). Anyway, apparently after just one session of Zumba, your body will burn calories for up to 9 hours after. Now, while this isn’t entirely bullshit (I explained that the body burns calories all the fucking time!), thats the sort of shit these money grabbing douchebags spout off to lesser “educated” clients.

  22. Our local “trainers” love purple-dumbell calf-raises mixed with airball ab-crunches, then ask repeatedly, “How’d that feel?”

    Im anxiously awaiting the day when one of them responds, “useless.”

  23. At my gym this morning, a trainer was teaching a woman how to power clean, which was pretty cool. Except that this trainer guy couldn’t even properly rack 65 pounds. There is no hope.

  24. @karibot,
    He may be the bottom run on the ladder, but at least he’s got it leaning up against the right wall. If that woman learns to respect the concept of real work and valid compound movements, there is at least hope that she will move forward from there.

  25. @RLPolice
    Nice one.
    Why complain about people who at least make the effort, it’s the fatties that should get our scorn, ridicule and ostracism; while I’m no fan of these bitches who deem themselves more privileged, since their Lululemon attire is too nice to sweat in; as misguided and weak and pathetic as they are, they make the effort.

    …Oh, and don’t get me started on you going off point with the FOX NEWS dig, besides wouldn’t you have rather used INVARIABLY rather than INEVITABLY?

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  27. Wow. Imagine that. People spending THEIR own money to do something THEY enjoy! Someone please correct them that they need to spend their money the way YOU want them to. Make them wear cheap sweat pants – only you get to wear nice clothes to the gym because you work out better.
    Mind your own biznass! Or go to another gym or stop being a whiny bitch.

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  31. Sadly, I work at a gym like this at the front desk. I have many tales of woe, but this is a particularly sad one.

    I was on break during a Friday shift and the club GM was showing a member a “fantastic core exercise.” He grabbed the bosu ball, of course. Stood on it and started doing squats. Parallel squats. The members, or in this case, for all intensive 70s Big purposes, assholes were very impressed. One of the personal trainers started to hop on and do them. His back was rounding at the bottom of this sad pathetic attempt of a fake squat. I kept saying at the bottom of every rep “Your back is rounding.” I repeated this over and over again. Later on, he walked past me and gave me a dirty look. This trainer reflects the trainer in Justin’s post. He teaches a “Cardio Salsa” class. Yeah.

    So after the GM hopped off, these two assholes hopped on. Break is over. I go back to the desk to ponder about my life. The asshole who hops onto the bosu ball decides to turn into an askhole. If you don’t know what an askhole is, look it up on google. This stupid twat has the audacity to ask me: “how’s my form.” This is the conversation that followed:

    Me: “Honestly. What you’re doing is ridiculous.”

    Him: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Dude, get off that ridiculous piece of shit and put bar on your back.”

    Him: “But…but…this is good for your core, right?”

    Me: “No, it is not. A guy who can squat 400 pounds has a way stronger core than a guy who can only squat 135.”

    Him: “Oh yeah, but this stuff is good to do also, right?”


    He got scared. He probably told on me to the GM. The GM is a bitch anyways. He wears pants all the time. He’s ashamed of his legs. I would be too if I “trained legs” the way he does. This is the sad reality I’m up against all the time. I laugh, but most of the time I weep inside.

    I feel like I could start my own blog with all of the stories I have.

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