Stupid Weight Loss Stuff

This is obviously a strength training website, but strength training is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. I’ve always been healthy and helped people get healthy through proper exercise and nutrition. Now that revolves around properly programmed barbell training and conditioning — no shortcuts. As James Henderson says, shortcuts only net you short responses. That means that bullshit diet pills, diets, exercise machines, and gimmicks don’t do much. You have to put the time and effort in.

I’ve always been pissed off by mainstream health, whether it be magazines, TV, or online. They will usually cite a single piece of research (which may or may not be valid research in the first place) and generalize from it. Or, they’ll try pansy-ass short-cuts, and this is what this article does (Note: I’d prefer if you didn’t click on the link so that website doesn’t think they produced something worth reading, but you’re free to choose your density).

Only a creep would want this in their fridge.

This article consists of “weight-loss tips that work” for people that “can’t stick to their diet” (which I read as “fake shortcuts” for “people who can’t commit to anything and are lazy”). They list ten things that are supposed to achieve this, and it’s one of the shittiest lists I’ve ever seen. Several of the items don’t even make sense when you consider their “politically correct” and mainstream fitness source. One method tells the reader to literally gross themselves out by getting their silverware dirty, tossing a napkin on their plate, or (get ready for this) buying a five pound glob of fat to put in the fridge. Then there’s the whole “purposely wear your old, tight clothes so that you’re guilted into not eating food” thing. When did negative reinforcement become a favorite weapon of mainstream health? These are the same people that say you shouldn’t spank your kids (or even your dogs).

One method was suggesting that you change the ingredients of your favorite fattening foods (like cake and muffins) to include no-sugar apple sauce and whole-wheat flour. This, of course, ignores the whole hormonal effect from macro-nutrients and encourages the person to continue eating carbohydrate rich foods that will inevitably continue making them more fat. It’s almost as stupid as recommending people to laugh in order to burn calories and shape their six pack. Oh, wait, they did that too.

Not only has money been wasted on doing research on laughter as exercise, they’ve gone off and RECOMMENDED that you should be laughing a MINIMUM of 15 minutes a day. I am so PISSED as I’m typing this saldkkvh’oiauwnba owhf3082hjxckmnvsxcc s1!!11!!!

No motion sensor devices are fittin' in there

Big breath, ooooooKAY. It was also recommended to purchase dishware that is smaller, since apparently larger plates make people eat too much. Oh, and fidgeting throughout the day is recommended in order to burn calories. You know how they came up with that one? They put “motion-sensing devices in underwear”. I’m not making this shit up. They put a thing-a-ma-bob in the underwear of regular people and fat people, and found that fat people were moving less. No shit?

“Say…” says the pervert, “Think we can do some research where we, uh, put some, uh, devices…yeah devices! into people’s underwear? To, you know, check for movement and stuff throughout the day.”
“Johnson, I think you’re onto something. Let’s get that funding.”

The only decent pieces of advice were getting rid of junk food in the house and doing push-ups during commercials. I didn’t say it was good advice, just decent. Because it didn’t give any hints on what you should be eating (besides cake and toothpaste) and it didn’t suggest that fat people should deviate from their normal schedule of watching TV at night. Fuck. That.

It’s hard for the average person to even know what is best for them, especially when bullshit like this is fed to them on a regular basis. They won’t understand that you can’t trick your body into becoming un-fat. Creating more metabolically active tissue, in the form of muscle mass, is the first step in a healthy exercise program. You do that by getting stronger. You throw in some interval type conditioning relative to that person’s ability, have them stop eating processed foods and simple carbohydrates, and it’s a pretty fool proof plan. It’s a shame that the majority of people trying to help them are actually hurting them.

45 thoughts on “Stupid Weight Loss Stuff

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  2. I hate how “low calorie” is equated with “healthy.” Why not just starve yourself then? As if everyone would be healthy if they ate the same crap, only less.

    Wantonly demonizing fast food is another stupid popular tack. People honestly think say, In N Out is healthier than McDonalds, simply because it’s “fresher,” costs more, and middle class people eat it. I remember reading an article about Panda Express, and everyone they talked to was confident that it was healthier than McD’s, when it was no better. Blind leading the blind.

  3. I can’t believe the shake weight (or just beating it) wasn’t on that list.

    There’s nothing better than my obese coworkers giving me health advice on a regular basis. Nuggest of wisdom like, “hey, don’t eat walnuts. They’re poison.” And, “Whole milk is going to make you fat.” And,

    It also really steams my crabs when fat people expect me to get up for them on the subway. Just last night I was riding home after a personal record deadlift session and was very happy to have found a seat for the 25-minute ride. After I sat down a 20-something softy got on and targetted me–the only youngish guy on the train–will a puppyish look of hope and despair, a non-verbal beg that I would give my seat up so that she could rest her padding down. This fatass had no alibi. I did not get up.

    Another one of my favorites is the infrequent areobics class attendees. Hey, at least they’re trying…sort of. It’s not their fault that 99% of the “fitness advice” out there tells them they’ll look like Jessica Biel from the later 7th Heaven years if they step up and down on a 6″ box 300 times. I overheard a fantastic quote from one of these chubby specimens last night while waiting in line at the water fountain:

    Inconsistent attender of aerobic class quote of the night: “Oh my gosh I was sweating so hard that sweat was running into my contacts!”

    And I thought to myself but did not say outloud: “Maybe you shouldn’t pluck every last eyebrow hair with which nature has endowed you, so that the only barrier between your beads of forehead sweat and plucked eyelashes is a thin brown penciled hash mark. Or maybe you should just toughen up and quit eating Lean Cuisines and Kashi.”

  4. Cheers Maslow!

    I made CFS last night following the “Cooking With Gant” videos. It turned out amazing. I took a picture but forgot to bring my camera to work. I will post it tomorrow.

  5. I totally have to agree with this article. Three years ago I took part in a survey for the HES department at my university, and was informed after a DEXA scan that I was 39% bodyfat by weight.

    That completely floored me, and made me start thinking about getting in shape. Which led to some internet research, eventually a year long affair with Crossfit, before I found strength training. Now I weigh 50 lbs less (still an adult male at 5’11, so that should give you an idea), and I’m getting stronger all the time. It’s really not that hard once you find out what to do, it’s all about having the determination to follow through with your plan.

  6. Exactly. Here we have the greatest tool for information finding ever invented (the internet) and yet there are STILL plenty of lazy ass people out there who get their advice from stupid mainstream sources when it would take them perhaps a few hours to find all the information they would need by doing some targeted internet searching for answers. The problem is people are either too stupid, ignorant, or lazy to even try.

  7. If that shakeweight thing actually works, is it safe to conclude there’s a good chance that a lot of self-proclaimed hardgainers out there are in fact wankers? Or do we need more pervy research?

  8. Good post, Justin. I just wish more people frequented and read this site.

    Going to post my Friday PRs today because I won’t have access tomorrow.

    I went to the Virginia States USAPL event last Saturday. It was my first powerlifting event and I won the Raw Open and Masters (40-44) division at 165#. I PR’d the squat, deadlift and total. Incidentally, I also set new records for the Master’s 165# in each of those categories. I was bummed at a low bench, but hey – you can’t have everything.
    I went 6/9 in lifts and it went like this:
    Squat: 385.8, 407.9 (PR), 424.4 (Fail)
    Bench: 203.9, 220.5 (Fail 2x – grrr)
    Dead: 418.9, 440.9, 463 (PR)
    Total: 1074.8#

    Reason for the funky weights is everything is in Kgs.

  9. But, I love it when people share their thoughts on my diet. “How can you eat so much meat?” “It’s not healthy to eat so many eggs!” “That much fat can’t be good for you.”

    When people say these things it means one or more of the following:
    1. They aren’t as strong as I am.
    2. They aren’t as fast as I am.
    3. They are lazy.
    4. They are fat.
    5. Their bloodwork can’t come close to mine.
    6. They will never, ever look as good as I do naked.

    Eat real food. It’s not hard. Most people just want an easy way out.

  10. Some how all of you turned this into an fat person bashing. I’m bashing the “authority” that tells fat or unhealthy people what they can do to improve.

    Yes, there are lazy people. Yes, there are people who eat like shit. But if a mid twenties averagely sized person followed the authoritative (government) advice on nutrition, they will STILL get fat. It may take some years, but they will be significantly more fat with each decade passing. And this is the problem.

    If somebody is unhealthy or fat, then they don’t have any guidance because the guidance is either funded or based on goofy flawed research. They only get what they receive passively, and they don’t question it (which is another problem entirely, but I digress).

    Yes, we can be irritated by the lazy person, but even if someone isn’t lazy they have all of the odds stacked up against them. I don’t hate fat people. I hate lazy people who don’t keep themselves healthy. I am willing to help a person start their journey of getting un-fat, and I have. I am even willing to help someone change their behavior to start losing fat, to an extent. But I won’t tolerate someone who isn’t committed to doing such a thing.

    Don’t turn this into an elitist website that looks down on fat people. I will always help people that have the want and will to improve, and that includes fat people.

  11. ^^I’m not sure if that’s in reference to what I wrote. If some people took it that way, it’s not what I meant. The point I was trying to make is that I don’t like know-it-alls who clearly know nothing. And I don’t like lazy people. And I was agreeing with the post that the reason most people are so utterly confused about health, fitness and nutrition is because 99% of advice articles out there are like the one you linked. I think of morbidly obese people the same way I think of any addict: instead of drugs, their addiction is food. Most need help to get off of it. They do not deserve special treatment (like seats on the subway) for having dug themselves into a hole. But they do deserve help fixing the issue. I salute those who seek to help them and admire people who try to make positive changes in their life, even if they say silly things along the way.

    For the record, I always give up my seat for women with children, the elderly and/or pregnant.

    Haha, I mean, I wouldn’t have given up my seat in the situation you described earlier. Especially after deadlifting.


  12. Also, I meant to mention this before. I just got this book and it’s awesome. For the other desk jockies out there, this book has a bunch of little exercises you can do while wearing your suit. It’s adapted from a book written around 1900, so it’s super badass and sometimes very ill-informed and antiquated.

    Final side note: I’m currently reading one of the most manly, badass and hardcore books I’ve ever laid eyes on, Undaunted Courage : Meriwether Lewis, Thomas Jefferson, and the Opening of the American West Good for those recovery days.

  13. Awesome post. I used to be 250 lbs of pure non-man about 3 years ago. I’d still be that way if I hadn’t figured out that mainstream “health” is crap.

  14. Nice rant post. Someday the people who write all those silly articles about health, diet, and nutrition will get a clue. No … wait … I’ve been waiting for that to happen since I started reading fitness related materials in the early 70’s.

    As an alternative to commercial break pushups, Tosh 2.0 recommends “piss ups”. Every time you hit the john, you do 10 pushups. Advantage is its done at work and home. Disadvantage is the older you get the more pushups you do. Well, that is not really a disadvantage as we geriatrics need the work (just not in the middle of the night).

  15. I couldn’t help myself, I clicked on the article. It’s awesome.
    I think shame and self hate are fantastic tools for losing weight! And clearly the goal is always to get skinnier, right?! Who wants to get stronger, or feel better, that might make you want more from your life that fidgeting while waiting for a commercial to tell you it’s time to do pushups!

    I remember feeling really proud of myself for a week in high school because I made sure to get all 7 servings of grains in everyday. I was eating saltines… Thanks food pyramid!

  16. Seems as if mankind forgot the basic rule of losing weight. Burn more calories than you eat. Ever day. Get your ass out the front door and start moving. (or lifting stuff)

    Quite simple. But in order to do that you need to count calories and all kinds of boring stuff. Easier to try a celebrity-approved diet with lots of strange food with foreign names.

  17. There’s a really interesting lecture on youtube that discusses the last 30 years of US dietary (mis)information, called Sugar: The Bitter Truth. It’s about an hour an half long, but it’s definitely worth watching in its entirety. I can’t remember where I first heard about it, but it fits very well with the discussions going on here today. Basically this professor / doctor guy debunks the whole myth that fat consumption = dietary fat along with talking a good deal about sugar. Very good stuff:

  18. Justin, I personally hold it against you for linking that article (which I proceeded to read all the titles of, followed by your descriptions). If I was 5-10 years older, 50 lbs heavier, significantly stronger, and in Florida (that is where you live, right?), I think I would consider do something about it–after eating toothpaste and staring at pounds of fat (where would you even buy this?). Alas, I believed that shit (not the kind of stuff listed in the article, but the fat-free diets + cardio = health = abs and biceps) until about a year ago, so I still have PLENTY of growing to do. Again, damn you.

  19. I agree. I get so F*ing mad when I hear commercials for “the lap belt” or some other drastic measure of weight loss…

    “Fad-diets just not working?! Tried your hardest but can’t lose the weight?! Gym memberships not helping?! – Let us surgically staple your stomach shut so you can be happy and skinny!!

    Its unreal how lazy and dumb about 70 percent of our country is.

    Yes, lots of people are dumb and lazy, but the authority’s advice and recommendations are flawed so those people are screwed anyway.


  20. el diablo – nice lifts man, can’t believe you pounded down to 165, that’s crazy, but hey, got your name in the record books, can’t complain about that. Would that bench have given you another PR if you’d hit it?

    Great post Justin, even my wife you lives with me and sees the effects of my diet and programming first hand gets on me from time to time about having a heart attack when I’m 30 because I eat at least 4 eggs/day and lots of red meat. It’s hard to change what’s ingrained in people, but we’ll keep trying!

  21. OT but i had a programming question. I’m moving from SS to a texas method type program, but i still want to work on the 5 lifts regularly, as well as front squats. A lot of templates I’ve seen have you cleaning only once a week, once in 2 weeks even.
    Could I just change the rep scheme and keep the same workout plan, starting week 1 with workout A, then week 2 with workout B, and so on? thanks

  22. shoot, i realized deadlifts and front squats wont fit so well on volume day. and cleaning once a week isnt so different than cleaning 3 times in 2 weeks. I guess I’ll just alternate pressing movements, and slip in some cleans when i can.

  23. Justin, your timing on this couldn’t have been more perfect. I just finished having a conversation with a girl I know who is always bitching about how hard it is to lose weight and get in shape. (A soldier, even.) I was not gifted with the ability to influence people to agree with me, and this situation has not been any different. Linked her to this article and all of a sudden she seems to get it.

  24. Also, since it’s PR Friday (for me) – I ate massive amounts of meat today. Two trays piled high with roast beef, baked fish, and a few egg rolls. When I finished with those I had some pie. And some ice cream. Then (because I wasn’t ready to vomit yet) I had some more fish.

    That last serving of fish had to be forced down but I didn’t let it beat me.

  25. Because I know that some of us treat food like crack, or meth, or whatever, I get that not everyone can just decide to eat right and do it.

    But the only advice people like that/us need is – DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES!

  26. Just getting back to read the rest of the comments on this. Justin, I definitely wasn’t trying to bash fat people in any way with my post. Dude, I have No. Tolerance. For. Excuses. I am not any more special than anyone else. If I could get off my fucking fat lazy ass and lose 40 lbs and get back into shape, then ANYONE can. But, you know what, 99% of people who need to do that will give you a list of excuses of why they CAN’T. Bullshit. I have no tolerance for unhealthy, lazy skinny people either. I don’t care if you bitch and moan, just get your shit done. I’m happy to help people and tell them what has worked for me, but they are the only ones who can do the work for themselves

  27. My new favorite ridiculous exercise fad are Fit Flops, which are quickly followed by Skechers’ Shape Ups. I saw this older cashier lady at the grocery store wearing Shape Ups. I bet she was bragging in the break room. “You give me 3 weeks and I’m gonna be able to snap a chicken bone with my ass cheeks…” I originally heard of Shape Ups when I overheard this girl talking about how she was going to try them because her Fit Flops “didn’t work.” Yea. Shocking.

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