She knows everything.

So Sunday I go to work at VPVG’s clinic and guess who is there?????????????????????????

Look guys, the jig is UP. She knows everything. EVERYTHING. She read the blog BEFORE I was writing posts about her. She was making inside jokes with me FROM the blog every time she saw me.

These are all conversations from several months ago when she was picking up shifts at my clinic:

Brent: Hey VPVG, What’s your favorite episode of The Office?
VPVG: I liked the episode where Erin is freaking out at lunch with Michael and pushes her hair in front of her face and says, “In the foster home, my hair was my room.”

(I had linked that scene in a post talking about another girl at work.)

Random Front Desk Girl: How are you doing?
VPVG, frustrated at work: I’m going to kill myself.
Brent: lol that’s my line, I say that all the time.
VPVG: You can’t claim that, everyone says it, it’s not “your” line.

(SHE ADMITTED HAVING SAID IT BECAUSE SHE READ IT SO MUCH OFF THE BLOG.)

Brent: When I was in ROTC I went to the ROTC banquet and saw this punk/emo chick there and thought she was pretty.
VPVG: Brent, what is with you and …
Brent: WHAT’S WITH ME AND WHAT? GO AHEAD? THIS OUGHTA BE GOOD.
VPVG: What’s with you and these unfortunate situations where the girl never reciprocates?

(NO CAPTION NEEDED.)

SHE KNOWS. EVERYTHING.

BRENT: WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE POST ABOUT YOU?
VPVG: I LIKED THE ONE WHERE YOU TALKED ABOUT ALL OF US GOING OUT THAT ONE NIGHT, THAT WAS FUNNY.

EVERYTHING.

No but really it’s fine. No restraining order, no complaint of sexual harassment at work, she is still talking to me as opposed to getting real awkward around me and not making eye contact. She thought it was flattering, and that I am hilarious and weird. Which is exactly how the posts were intended to come off. Clearly this is yet another testament to my skills as a writer. For the record – she loled at the haiku. She doesn’t even think I’m creepy – though she likes to joke about it because I get upset when the word is used to describe me.

VPVG: I only say it because it bothers you.
Brent: Of course it bothers me, I’m very self-conscious of being creepy.
VPVG: Why are you self-conscious about it?
Brent: BECAUSE I USED TO BE CREEPY. Do you know how hard it was for me to learn to socialize normally?
VPVG: /thinks I’m joking
Brent: I was real creepy in high school.
VPVG: No you weren’t, what makes you think you were creepy in high school?
Brent: WHAT ASIAN GUY ISN’T CREEPY IN HIGH SCHOOL?

So after she confronts me about the blog we talk about more embarrassing things that have I’ve done/have happened to me in my life. I talked about the time that I got a girl’s number off her facebook and started texting her, and also about the time that I got a girl’s number in high school (this is the chick from the ROTC banquet), called her every day for a week or two, then couldn’t take the pressure of making conversation and stopped talking to her without explanation. After that we talked about how our relationships – when she asked to see another picture of my girlfriend I referred her to my facebook, to which she replied,

“Let’s be real here, like I’m actually going to look at your facebook.”

If you guys are interested in the stories about those two girls I mentioned, remind me to tell you about them in the next post in the comments.

In training I’ve -

- squat 405lbs x 3
- benched 250lbs for 4, 3, 3
- snatched up to 230lbs
- c+jed 285lbs
- pulled 385lbs x 3 from a 3″ deficit
- dumbbell pressed the 70lbs dbs x 4, 4

I’ll talk to you guys here in a little bit.

beonick writes:

Next time someone asks if you need a spot, act like an FOB Asian. As you decline the spot, give a professional bow and hand him your business card.

OK.

Tom writes:

Brent, when I try to overhead press, my arms can only get about 60 degrees from horizontal (pi/3 if you understand that better since you’re Asian) with my shoulders in the neutral, stable position that everyfuckingone except me can press in. To get my arms actually vertical I have to hyperextend/weirdly pull back my upper back or whatever and it looks really retarded and messes up my balance when trying to press and is overall just a pain in the ass. Tell me exactly what to do so that I can half-heartedly do it but accumulate 6000+ posts on an internet powerlifting forum without ever actually squatting more than two plates while simultaneously hating on guys squatting 600+ pounds raw because they were an inch shy of depth. Butnoactually, what do?

This describes my overhead position perfectly from about a year and a half ago. These three >were pretty useful in improving my shit, I’d also work on anterior structures like pec and pec minor as well with the lacrosse ball and if you’re missing glenohumeral internal rotation I’d work on that too along with shoulder extension (i.e. getting your arms behind you).

Jake writes:

What’d you do for your shoulders in order to bench pain free? I could use some of that. Thanks!

See above. I’ve talked extensively about my shoulders in about 10 different posts. You’re a real dickhead if you aren’t reading mobilitywod and your shoulders hurt when you bench.

Leave a comment ?

13 Comments.

  1. What does she think of your erotica?

  2. I wanna hear more about the times someone has walked in on you taking a dump at work. lol wut?

  3. No DB rear delt raise PRs? Why am I even reading

  4. Dude when are you gonna get Yoked again? Or is that just too two thousand and late for you? I ask because I watched your USAPL Nationals video again.

  5. i would like to read the stories about getting a girl’s number off of facebook and calling a girl everyday for two weeks then stopping.

  6. I did the getting a number from Facebook thing once by accident. I was on my phone and I clicked it to see if it was mobile or home and it called her. I hung up before I said anything. Then she called me and I told her I dialed the wrong number. Guess I’ll never talk to her again.

  7. Yeah, you should probably tell us those stories.

    One time there was a girl I had gone to elementary school with, then later worked with for a while. After we didn’t work together anymore one day she started IMing me and we talked for ~5 hours in less than 2 days. The next two days in a row I left my msn on by accident and she tried to talk to me and I didn’t see until a few hours later.

    I never talked to her again because it would have been awkward.

  8. Will there be an erotica archive for when we want to be depressed/fap at the same time? Or just enjoy your writing and blog about it? but mostly the former.

  9. Can we be best friends?

  10. by girlfriend in these posts do you really mean boyfriend?

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