I’m Done With You, Skinny Guy

“It’s quite simple, David…”

Listen Skinny Guy, you aren’t trying. You sit down at night and wonder why you aren’t getting stronger as you pick at chicken breast and broccoli. You might even be the guy eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast…like a child.

It’s time to man up Skinny Guy. I don’t like skinny guys, much less you, Skinny Guy. You either think you ought to be skinny like all of the psuedo-manly guys on TV and in movies or you like to be skinny. If you didn’t like being skinny, you’d do something about it. You would take your skinny jeans and skull cap off (you probably wear the skull cap in summer time too), and you would engage in activity that would require you to not be skinny.

Some of you Skinny Guys have actually decided to do something about it, but you haven’t gotten past this phase of BITCHING about everything that goes on. If your name is Skinny Guy and you don’t gain five pounds in the first week of training, then you aren’t trying. Guys in our gym gain 15 pounds in two or three weeks. I have heard some of you rejoice in the fact that you gain five pounds in a month. That disgusts me, Skinny Guy. I know you’ve been skinny your whole life, but get over the fear of gaining some kind of bodyfat. Your name is Skinny Guy for chrissakes! As we have said before, if you have been skinny your whole life, you don’t get to have an opinion on being fat.

Things that are worth doing are typically not easy, but some of you give up and think that you have a special scenario that requires some kind of unique advice that is not A) eat more food, B) squat, press, and deadlift, and C) stop your whiny bitching.

For some reason I have been in a foul mood, and I think it is Skinny Guy’s fault. My patience is wearing thin. If you think you have a form issue with any of your lifts, then pick up Starting Strength and figure out what that might be. There are plenty of videos on Rip’s Q&A Board. Find a coach if you can. Assuming you have done these things, you should know what you are doing wrong and may be able to cue it yourself. If you think your form is “pretty good” and your name is Skinny Guy, then you aren’t eating enough.

From now on, you guys are only allowed to ask for programming advice if you meet the following weight requirements:

5’7″ and taller: >200 lbs.
5’3″ to 5’6″: >185 lbs.
Under 5’3″: Submit an application to be chased by Jarred Allen

If you have met the weight requirements, then you have done something difficult enough that you have learned not to bitch about your inadequacies and you have manned up. Ladies are always welcome to ask for advice, because that means you have at least considered getting strong, and this gets you a gold star.

And since I know you are going to ask, Fat Guy, keep eating your protein and fat, but cut back your carbs. If you are Really Fat Guy, then you may want to try a drastic approach for a few weeks (no carbs at all). Oh, and I apologize to Fat Guy and Big Guy that we have to give Skinny Guy so much attention…he just doesn’t fucking listen.

Brian lifts a beam that is 300+ lbs. Skinny Guy couldn’t do that.

Brian lifts a beam that is 300+ lbs. Skinny Guy couldn’t do that.


64 thoughts on “I’m Done With You, Skinny Guy

  1. Since I have started to eat big, I have jump up from around 180 to about 215, tho it has level off so I got add more.
    Im 5”9 so I dont feel Im that big yet but I have been having issue with finding dress shirts for work that fit right. Either it too tight in the neck or I go up a size and it too baggy.
    Where do you guys get your dress shirt at that dont cost too much?

  2. @trio

    Try shirts that are “tailored fit.” They are designed to taper in a bit on the sides…so you can go up to the proper neck size without having them balloon out all around.

    I get mine from Joseph A. Bank, but not sure if they are national.

  3. Pingback: Get with the program! « Baltimore Gets Big!

  4. You guys are getting WAY too dogmatic about the weight. Adulthood is not a number, it””s attitude.

    And getting in a foul mood by irrelevant shit is pointless. Just make your point and move on, remember good ol”” Rip?:

    “This is probably going to come as a shock, but I don””t really give a fuck what you boys do. Try to have fun, don””t get hurt too bad, and always wear a condom.”

    You are not taken seriously by Rip if you weigh 160 pounds. Sorry.

    –Justin

  5. What if I weight in at 203lbs at 7:00 am, but, at 199 at 7:30am after taking a dump? (True story actually)…

    By the way, I AM with you Justin, we as a society made a BAD turn on history if males lose their sleep to be skinny. Don””t get defensive. Just be aware that you may be becoming dogmatic. And that is never a good thing.

    Cheers.

    This whole website revolves around the extreme end of the spectrum. How am I supposed to get people strong if I say it is ok to not be 200 pounds? Besides, if saying that stronger is better is dogma, then I have succeeded.

    –Justin

  6. What if you””re Dr. Ken Leistner and squat 415×23 at a BW of 165? Would biggerness still be mandatory? Also, what is the ultimate goal? Get as big as humanly possible, without regard for long-term health and mobility? I don””t know, for me, I think I””ll take the long term health and mobility that would come with a slightly less size-focused approach to strength and fitness. I do like the idea of getting big, but I don””t see it as being sustainable for me. My 5””7 body is just not naturally suited to being over 200lbs, unless I don””t care about long-term consequences, and I don””t want to be a diseased and arthritic ex-big guy.

    Please show me the quoted text where I suggested that you should disregard your long-term health and longevity.

    –Justin

  7. Dogma
    n. something held as an established opinion; especially a point of view or tenet put forth as authoritative without adequate grounds.

    What you””re suggesting as dogma in this post is not strength, but weight. The proof that the weight suggestions are not well thought out is the fact that many people have stated that, tho even above 200 lbs, they still look and feel skinny. The weight suggestions as part of well thought out tesis should take into consideration more height divisions.

    Also, you””re totally disregarding four of the eight divisions in the olympics. Can you really say that, for example, Pyrros Dimas ain””t strong?

    Finally, the usefulness of strength should NEVER be a dogma. Why? Because it””s not an opinion, it””s a fact.

    I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that your genetic ability was comparable to Pyrros Dimas. The rest of us in the population are not genetic freaks. Therefore, to continue making relevant strength gains, muscular body weight must be increased. Subsequently there will be a percentage of fat gain associated with the muscle gain, which is an overall increase in body mass.

    In other words, gaining mass is “adequate grounds” and necessary for increasing strength, especially for Average Joe. Now, will you go somewhere else with this drivel?

    –Justin

  8. Those two paragraphs alone make more sense and are more articulate than the whole rant above.

    Step up your thinking game. That””s not an out of place suggestion, is it?

    P.S.: No reason to compare me to Pyrros Dimas, I””m bigger.

    That’s a funny way of admitting you’re wrong. What I just said has been written ad nauseum on this website and the associated material. I have already thought, because if I don’t entertain, nobody will like to listen.

    And the comparison to Dimas is a logical assumption since you are quick to cite and defend a rare lifter who weighs around 195 outside of competition and can lift more than most 270 pound men. The rest of the population is not capable of these feats, and would benefit from the additional strength to apply into their sport, job, and longevity.

    –Justin

  9. “Please show me the quoted text where I suggested that you should disregard your long-term health and longevity.”

    I was inferring from the implications of the eating/weight gain suggestions. I””m open to other ideas, and I””m not opposed to gaining weight, but doesn””t seem like the dietary advice offered here would contribute to long-term health. Certainly would be the quickest way to 70””s big, but 70””s big may not turn out to be great for health/longevity. If it was though, I””d be on board.

    I AM NOT TELLING YOU TO EAT LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

    –Justin

  10. I””””m not admitting anything, Justin. If you can””””t see that a difference of 15 lbs for just 1 inch doesn””””t show something flawed in your train of thought, nothing will.

    I’m jaded with this conversation. More importantly I have no idea what point you are trying to make here, so e-mail me if you would like to continue.

    –Justin

  11. ”And since I know you are going to ask, Fat Guy, keep eating your protein and fat, but cut back your carbs. If you are Really Fat Guy, then you may want to try a drastic approach for a few weeks (no carbs at all).”

    Increasing body weight is more to do with calories in minus calories out. Nothing to do with carbs or macronutrients… It would be quite dangerous to avoid carbs entirely for weeks…

  12. Pingback: HardGainer Development 3 Phase Muscle Building Program. | Treating Arthritis

  13. Pingback: HardGainer Development Program Packing On Mass Just Got Easier. | Treating Arthritis

  14. Pingback: How to Gain Weight – 7 Weight Gain Tips : Cars Blog | Everything You should Know about Cars

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.