Brent Getting His Yoke On

Hey guys. Brent here.

In the past week I’ve –

– snatched up to 230lbs
– c+jed 285lbs
– cleaned 295lbs
– back squat 385lbs x 5, 405lbs x 2
– pressed 180lbs x 1

Training could have been better. It should start going better since I’m making use of a Costco card for groceries.

“What have you been up to Brent?”

Honestly? Honestly? Honestly?

Watching movies on Netflix. That’s about it. I watched Outrage and 13 Assassins, was a big fan of both. Watching Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance now, it’s pretty good. Broseph, I would have to say that Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance is my favorite one out of the Vengeance Trilogy.

Those of you who have seen or met me IRL know that I can tend to have some pretty stupid looking, unkempt, and poorly-maintained hair. I got it cut for work last week. I don’t particularly give a shit about it, I just get around to cutting it every few months when I’m done with brushing it out of my glasses (I’m talking about the stuff from the side of my head getting into my eye).

You know what I can’t do? Make small-talk. At least socially acceptable small-talk. I could probably make decent conversation with most of you guys for at least half an hour. For someone who’s logged more hours of StarCraft: Brood War than he has making eye contact with girls – that’s not bad. I would say – hey man, if you were Japanese, would you rather jerk off to soiled panties, tentacle porn, or some chick pooping out leeches in a continuous particulate stream of slick black annelids? And we would have a pretty good time. We would talk about favorite mobs, favorite isolation exercise, and the last time we cried about something (for me it would be the last time I listened to Radiohead – Fake Plastic Trees, the part where he says “if I could be who you wanted, if I could be who you wanted”).

Can’t talk about those things with haircut lady. Haircut lady’s like 40, doesn’t watch anime, and doesn’t misc. Do you even lift? Haircut lady asks me, “What do you do for work? …. You have family here? … You’ve got a lot of hair. … This weather’s so nice.” <– notice that she gradually gives up saying things that would require a response from me.

Oh and can't forget this one –

Haircut lady: "So do you have a girlfriend?"
Brent: "Yeah."
Haircut lady: /doesn't believe me

BRB giving one word answers BRB can't think of appropriate questions BRB more comfortable typing misc memes than I am talking to a person IRL.

You know what else I can't do? Job interviews. The lady who did my job interview for my current one remembers it:

"You were very nervous.”

How do people like me make it past the interview? I could have stuttered less.

“What skills would you say make you a good employee?”

“Oh uh well that is I’m uh TIME MANAGEMENT! I have great time managing uh MANAGEMENT I have good time management.”

“Ooh KAY.”

I look like a real piece of shit when I try to look professional, too. BRB could look like less of a spiky-haired Asian douche with gel in my hair (the problem, actually, isn’t that I look like a spiky-haired Asian douche – it looks like I’m TRYING to look like a spiky-haired Asian douche) BRB doesn’t look like I lift in this dress shirt BRB where did you learn to tie your neck tie ROTC it’s fine.

mattciupak writes:

Diesel_Weasel lifts at my gym now (srs). Max Misch.

Do you talk to him? Is he going to come back to the powerlifting section of bodybuilding.com?

Alphanitis writes:

You should write a dark comedy entitled “Brent Kim” in it you would be diagnosed with a debilitating muscle disease that makes it next to impossible to gain strength or muscle. Your dream in the movie is to compete in weightlifting, so this news makes you very depressed and belligerent. You try to persevere and train any way. You make good results for someone with your condition and ur able to place 12th out of 16 lifters in a local meet! People are proud of you because you were supposed to not even be able to lift at all and here u are beating four people who had no disease. So you feel better about itself and realize there may be hope in this world. Then u go for another check up at the doctor and they realize they had the wrong paper work and tell u the great news that ur perfectly healthy. U then realize ur a pece of shit with no excuse and become stoner to keep from ending it all. The end

/dies (from killing myself)

Here’s the song I’d use for it:

Tom writes:

Oh lawd Brent, please tell me you still follow the articles on T-Nation, especially the semi-recent one of the dude extolling the virtues of training with his sandbag (at his website for the low low price of $150) over conventional barbell training. Comments welcome on that, please respond.

I’ve basically never followed the articles on T-Nation, I can only deal with the DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE YOUR DELTS IN A SMOLDERING RUIN OF LACTIC ACID WELL I’VE GOT JUST THE WORKOUT FOR YOU. GERMAN VOLUME TRAINING, IT’S NOT JUST A MYTH. SOME NO-NAME FUCKHEAD LETS YOU IN ON THE SECRETS OF THE GREATEST HYPERTROPHY PROGRAMMING THAT EVERYONE SEEMS TO HAVE FORGOTTEN for so many articles before I’m done. The forums fucking blow too, at least bodybuilding.com has memes.