You’ll Never Be Perfect

Monday’s are devoted to female related topics to help females begin or continue to train. This particular post is relevant to fellas as well.

The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you… I’m not… We’re talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude: My rug.
Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you’re out of your element!
The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can’t go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT… Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
The Dude: Walter, this isn’t a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy…
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you…?
The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!
Donny: He peed on the Dude’s rug.
Walter Sobchak: Donny you’re out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!

The Dude, Wlater Sobchak, and Theodore Donald ‘Donny’ Kerabatsos display stereotypical personalities placed in an ever evolving group dynamic. The laid back Dude is faced with extraordinary circumstances that include kidnapping, severed toes, and potential death. The Vietnam veteran Wlater Sobchak aggressively confronts any and all situations based on his war experience. The introvert Donny is pushed into a submissive and passive role by Walter’s repeated domineering actions. This hilarious dynamic turns normal conversations into fantastic character dialog that still makes me laugh with every viewing of “The Big Lewboski“.

Personalities and group dynamics are incredibly interesting and every human integrates themselves into groups to socially survive. In the realm of coaching and training, personalities and interpersonal relations dictate the rapport and performance of coach and trainee. A good coach will read a person and adapt their individual communication style to the trainee, but also do so with a group. The coach should groom the trainee’s attitude and ego while they teach the trainee how to move properly. Despite all of this effort and skill by the coach (and usually due to the lack thereof), it’s possible to have rogue trainees that maintain their unique mentalities when lifting.

A common trait among women is that they aim to be perfectionists in their lifting. (Note that not all women exhibit this trait, but enough for me to experience it and two separate females — one a coach and lifter, the other a lifter — to point it out and give me their thoughts on the subject.) The female aims to achieve perfection in their mechanics and lifting skill to the point that it’s detrimental to their success or increase in weight. Knowing why this occurs can be helpful to a coach so that they can help focus the trainee on what really matters. The “perfectionist” mentality seems to be more prevalent in females, but I also see it with men, too.

The Coach’s Fault
I put a lot of the responsibility (and blame) on a coach since they are supposed to be the teacher, guide, and mentor to a trainee’s success. They are supposed to exhibit and implement leadership to not only result in successful lifting, but successful mindsets for lifting. When I’m coaching, I honestly feel I can coach any situation, any movement, and make it the most efficient and successful movement possible given that person’s ability. I also feel that I can communicate efficiently with them to the point that they are prepared and confident about the activity. The real “in the trenches” aspect of coaching is what occurs between sets. Sure, the cues and how they are given are important, but the interaction and discussion in between sets is more important. I feel that coaches spend too much time discussing the mechanics or technique of what just happened.

Having a coach means that the trainee shouldn’t have to think about what you’re doing; sometimes I tell trainees to turn their brain off because I am now their brain. If I give them one or two cues to focus on in a set, and they are also thinking about several other things, then that’s way too much shit going on and none of it will be right. Sometimes coaches will also cue other things that they didn’t focus on before the set, or even things that haven’t yet been taught, and things get complicated really quick. A trainee seeking perfection needs to stop thinking and let the coach tell them what to do.

However, the coach can make things complicated by getting deep into a discussion of mechanics and then not “bring it all home”, a phrase that whittles the conceptual lesson into simple, practical cues. Did you just spend 90 seconds explaining why shoving the knees out improves tightness in the squat? Then give them one or two cues to accomplish it. I even sometimes say, “Okay, that’s all the conceptual shit, but here’s what you’re doing to do: 1) track your knees over to, so “track knees”, and 2) push your butt out of the bottom, so “push butt”.” Then as they are setting up, I’ll remind them again, “Track knees; push butt”. Set the trainee’s brain up for success by simplifying their world into one or two points of emphasis. During the set, focus on these things, but if alternate cues are needed, make sure they are descriptive and simple. Only use “other cues” if the trainee is experienced.

Yet the coach should be prepping the person’s ego from the moment they meet. The act of doing so is entirely dependent on the individual trainee, and the coach should adapt their personality to them. Trainees can be unsure, aggressive, motivated, willing to learn, or skeptical (among other traits). If the coach gets the impression the person will be timid or unsure of their ability, then they should passively address it from the start.
“You’re gonna do great, lifting isn’t as hard as people make it out to be.”
“That’s a really good set for a beginner.”
“And that’s a squat. First set down and you’re already a pro. Guess you don’t need me anymore, huh?”
Obviously you won’t lie to the trainee, but if you’re a good coach, then they are going to squat well; the point is that you let them know they are.

You will also have long-term trainees that develop this attitude. They feel that since they have worked with you, they should be perfect. This is the time when you remind them where they came from.
“Remember when you got here you were just squatting 50 pounds? Now you’re doing 135, AND you’re tracking your knees properly.”
“You forget that it was a struggle to do 65 pounds, and now you’re doing 95 pounds with rock solid form.”
“You’ve really come a long way. A year ago you were soft and weak, and now you’re lean and strong. Sure, we’re having trouble with 200, but it’s a hell of a lot more than any of the girls you work with can do.”
All of these comments are things I’ve said to female trainees before. When a trainee is kicking themselves for “not being good enough”, it gives them perspective on where they are at and how much they’ve improved.

One of the coach’s jobs is to reduce the amount of thinking a trainee needs to do and act as their brain to improve technique. The other is to maintain a positive outlook, show perspective, and give credit when it’s due. Sometimes a trainee loses sight of all the impressive progress they have made. But what if you don’t have a coach or you aren’t a coach?

The Trainee’s Fault
Most trainees are the “type A” personality that actively wants to improve and get shit done. They want to do something, be good at it, and be the best at it. They lack perspective in that they think they will be excessively awesome at everything they do just because they jump into it with fervor. But things like squatting, snatching, and cleaning are simple to learn, but hard to master. If they were easy to master, then coaches wouldn’t exist and we’d have a lot more competitors (people often don’t compete because they think they aren’t good enough, an unfortunate fallacy). There aren’t many people who can easily replicate movement patterns by viewing them. And if they can, it doesn’t mean that they will be flawless. The first step to reducing the desire to be perfect is accepting that you aren’t.

Trainees should also avoid comparing themselves to others. It’s okay to have a role model or admire people who excel, but to constantly compare themselves to the best can result in the “I suck” mentality. In reality, you may suck, but who gives a shit? Decide to get better every training session and commit to doing it consistently. A year of determined training will result in progress.

Un-coached trainees should also create one or two simple cues to focus on each set. They should aim to create a triage that focuses on the big issues before worrying about little specific movement details. Most of these “big issues” can be picked up from cues that I talk about on this site or by listening to other coaches online (but keep in mind the cues may be specific to their system, or the coach may not be any good). By only focusing on one or two things, the trainee won’t have a sensory overload from trying to make everything perfect at once. It also frees up the mind to let the movement freely occur without restriction.

Trainees who aim to be perfect will get frustrated when they aren’t. They need to realize that failing and not doing well are apart of the growing process — that goes for life or lifting. Missing a snatch or failing a squat triple are data points that help provide information on how to get better. The “getting better” process is more difficult without a coach, yet the desire remains high to do so. Frustration is vented in different ways. Guys will typically get pissed and probably kick things (possibly breaking something). Women will typically get so fucking pissed that they tear up and want to avoid the situation altogether (“If it’s not right, what’s the fucking point?” or “I was supposed to PR and I didn’t”) Some women, including the strongest and best performers, will sit down on the platform and have a bit of a cry. It happens. Instead of saying, “Forget this,” the trainee should take an objective look at the situation.

Failure is an opportunity to observe what went wrong and figure out how to improve it, but failure is an irritating bitch. Take a second to vent your frustration, but then objectively analyze the situation.

All things considered, this isn’t a big deal. I missed a training lift? Okay, I’m not hurt. This is but one training day of many, perhaps a lifetime. Oh, wait, this was a meet and I bombed out? This is a national meet and I hit my chin and missed a jerk? Fuck iiiiiiit. At least my dick/ovaries/boobs are still attached. Worse things have happened to better people.

Put it all in perspective. One time, John Welbourn told a 15 year old kid I was training, “Well, you’ve got two choices every morning. You can wake up and put the barrel of a gun in your mouth, or you can go and kick ass all day. The choice is yours.” He strode away, and after taking a breath from laughing, I told him that the kid was 15, to which he replied, “Oh shit. Hey, don’t kill yourself; I thought you were at least 18.” But the point still applies: be a quitter or figure out what you need to do to be the best you can be. The choice is yours: Glock or go.

Summary
Aiming to be perfect is a natural trait, especially in someone who is motivated to succeed. Yet lifting is easy to learn and hard to master; if everyone was perfect then coaches wouldn’t exist. The coach should aim to be the trainee’s brain and simplify their cues to improve execution. The coach should also prepare the ego and confidence for lifting, and that usually means giving credit where it’s due and giving the trainee perspective in how they have improved. Trainees need to accept that they aren’t perfect and stop comparing themselves to better lifters. The un-coached trainee should also simplify their points of emphasis, or cues, to one or two things for each set; these should always focus on the gross motor aspects of the movement instead of frivolous details. Lastly, the trainee should put everything in perspective. How far have I come from when I started? Does a lack of perfection matter in the grand scheme of things? Make a decision between “Glock or go”; quit or kick ass. Adjust the mindset and work to get better instead of worrying about deficiency.