Top 30 Jacked NFL Players

Posted on by

Maslow must be bored as shit at work, because he always sends me pretty awesome links. He sent me a list of Top 30 Jacked NFL Players. I thought it was a decent list but it seems they were just looking at muscularity. Reggie Bush, for example, shouldn’t fucking be on the list.
Here are my impressions as I looked at the list:

Dawkins is fucking jacked


– I bet standing next to Mike Sellers makes you feel small
– Bob Sanders is a good athlete, but I wouldn’t consider him to be jacked enough to make this list
– There aren’t really any lineman on here, especially D-lineman
– Quincy Black is fucking legit
– So is Clay Matthews, but when you’re black your muscles stand out, so I’ll put a picture of Quincy instead
– MJD is stout as fuck
– Who the FUCK is Igor Olshansky and whose dugan did he fondle to get on this list?
– Joey Porter is a queer. Didn’t he get stiff-armed by Kellen Winslow Jr. when Winslow had two gimp knees and Porter had shit-talked him all week?
– Adrian Wilson, absolute genetic freak
– Tim Hightower could be more impressive. He wouldn’t make my list.
– Connor Barwin would.
– So would James Casey, but that’s enough white players.
– I’ve always thought Ernie Sims was jacked. And a genetic freak.
– Brian Cushing wouldn’t make the list because he’s a dipshit.
– Brady Quinn? Are you fucking serious?
– Patrick Willis is a specimen, but he wouldn’t crack my top 15 (he’s 13 here). Where are all jacked D-lineman (not the fat guys, but the ones who are truly jacked)?
– Of course Peyton Hillis would be here, but it makes me sad because Pat Shurmur is a FUCKING idiot who had Colt McCoy throw the ball 61 FUCKING TIMES and ran Peyton only 10. Peyton will be on another team next year and will kick major ass. It makes me sad.

Good luck on another team next year, Peyton. I wouldn't stay with a dipshit playcaller either.


– Terrell Owens’ half-brother was on my high school team when I was a sophomore. My friends started a joke that my friend Ted slapped him and ran off. Everyone believed it and it was put in the yearbook. Other than that, TO is yawn.
– Reggie Bush in the top ten? This countdown is pathetic.
– Getting better with Brian Orakpo and Greg Jones. Jones is legit top ten.
– Adrian Peterson and Thomas Jones are not.
– LaRon Landry bought his arms on eBay.
– Vernon Davis no, Andre Carter yes. I still would want bigger in the top ten though.
– Thomas Clayton is dece, but #2? C’mon…
– Unfortunately Vernon Gholston doesn’t even qualify as being in the NFL right now. 700 pound squat wasted. But he is more of what I consider to be jacked.

Maybe we should make a list of top 30 yoked NFL players?

42 thoughts on “Top 30 Jacked NFL Players”

  6. Also, I would just like to offer a big “get fucked” to Medhi and Stronglifts for banning all non-paying forumers with NO warning, causing me to lose a year of training logs (unless I pay for a gold membership).

    A pretty classic bait and switch from a 400 lb. deadlifting piece of shit huckster.

  7. @Terrible, I never really liked that guy. Despite what he has probably done for strength training, his “hard” attitude is a bit much for a guy who ran smolov for a 225 front squat, and is essentially selling a repackaged SS

    not to mention his angle on “supps and BS exercise regiments” followed by him endorsing BS exercise regiments.

  8. Oh, he’s definitely sold his soul to make some money on the site.

    Which, whatever, that’s his prerogative. It started off as a very straightforward site with good info. and had a place for me to keep a log.

  9. Dontay Moch is pretty jacked. He destroyed the NFL combine workouts last year, but has been injured and is just now returning to practice, so he hasn’t done anything in the NFL yet. Plus he plays for the stupid Bengals.
    Check out the strength records at Nevada, where he’s reported to have squatted 700. Squat claims in college are always suspect, but when combined with this dude’s freakishness, you can bet he’s still strong as fuck.
    Nevada has a history of freak athletes – it is no coincidence that their weight room is sponsored by a local dairy that provides chocolate milk as a PWO drink for all the athletes. Just sayin’. http://www.nevadawolfpack.com/ot/unv-strength-home.html
    While I’m talking about rookies, Von Miller is also a freak, and a damn good player, too. The only player on the Broncos worth watching. He could be more jacked, possibly.
    Finally, nothing, and I mean nothing, beats Julio Jones’ combine performance. And he is real, real jacked for a WR.

  10. Good god, please keep Stronglifts mentions off this site. For the love of all that is holy. Mendhi is a fucking rip-off douchebag who has never had an original thought in his life. I speak for nobody but myself on this, but seriously, fuck that guy and his pathetic “program” attempts.

  11. Completely agree on all the Stronglifts/Mehdi dbag comments.

    Bob Sanders at 5’8″ is pretty jacked in my book.

    Reggie Bush…ugh yea I almost stopped reading when I got to that. I guess their definition of “jacked” might be different then most.

  16. @Jacob the Cloud

    +1 for Dontay Moch… he’s back to practice this week and should be exploding people on the field in no time

    -1 for hating on my Bengals

  19. The Polack with the Leg gets my nod for the first guy I’d want to party with in the NFL, for sure. He also benched something like 395 back in the day. While drunk, most likely.

  20. I wonder if any NFL players would be willing to talk to the 70s Big community about their traning. I really enjoyed the interview that Rippetoe did with that one player about recovering from injuries.

    I swear I read an article last year about how Mike Shannahan still trains really fucking hard, including squatting big weights (I seem to recall 400# which would be very impressive for a guy his age) several times/week, but I just can’t seem to find it. I found this site while trying to search for the article I read about Shannahan lifting. In any case, obviously this list is in no way objective. What makes it compelling is that it includes some of the players’ strength stats. You don’t see that all the time.

    Lastly, you heard it here first: Redksins are winning the NFC East. And I’d wager Shannahan’s “putting strength back in the strength program” has got to be part of it. He picks up strong guys and makes sure they get stronger…and makes sure they don’t jump offsides. The recent chipping sesh with the hated cowboys aside, the Skins are fundamentally sound this year. And they hit hard. http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/photo/gallery/091227/GAL-09Dec27-3436/media/PHO-09Dec27-195663.jpg

  21. In no particular order or that strong of an opinion, just throwing some names out there, including some that aren’t playing anymore:

    Darnell Dockett
    Jared Allen
    Tim Tebow
    Mike Alstott
    Michael Pittman
    Ray Rice
    Andre Johnson
    Julius Peppers
    Mario Williams
    Ray Lewis
    Steven Jackson
    Cameron Wake
    Brandon Jacobs

  24. Yoked and jacked? Starting point should be the DE, LB and RB positions. Everyone else is smaller, fatter, or a QB.

    James Harrison
    Ray Rice
    Julius Peppers
    Terrell Suggs
    Rashard Mendenhall

    I don’t really follow many teams but those few stick out like a sore thumb for this list.

  30. New respect for traps. How do Connor Barwin’s shoulders seperate so wide?

    Inspiring: Vernon Davis and Brian Orakpo’s powerclean. Atleast they didn’t give RayRay #1 by default. That was expected.

  32. I don’t know if Jared Allen would make the list (he doesn’t seem that jacked), but he deserves to make any list at 70’s big for this reason alone

  33. Rob Gronkowski?

    Disregard the silliness.

    He actually is pretty lanky, and I’d consider him a gordon fuck had he not been doing stellar this year.

    –Justin

  39. Just checked my SL account also, banned too. I said to him directly several times that he’s selling shit that you can find anywhere online if you fucking look for it.

    I’m more pissed off that you can’t contact him through the website than being banned, I just want to call him a cunt one last time. What an absolute wanker.

  42. In Igor Olshansky’s defense, I’ve had the chance to work with some former Oregon football players and if you ask any of them who the strongest player they’ve ever seen is they will respond “fuckin Igor bro!!” Apparently he benched 650 as a freshmen at Oregon and has made more than a few O lineman look like crash dummies.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.