Mondays typically focus on the 70’s Big Female, but this is the next installment of the “Getting Girls to Train” series. Also check out Parts One, Two, and Three.
Actually Getting A Girl To Train
It isn’t easy to get women to start training when their entire lives they’ve been given bad advice and false hopes (don’t believe me? see this). Throughout this series the readers have said, “That’s great, but…how do I get my wife/girlfriend/sister/friend to actually do it?” This post will provide a step-by-step suggestion guide on getting your friend to actually begin.
Before we begin, it’s important to note that the goal of this process is to help a girl train better and smarter while getting better results. You’re supposed to be helping and teaching instead of belittling her current methods, “mainstream fitness, or “society” (we can bitch about this stuff another time). Subtly reply to her doubts and skepticism in a proper, non-confrontational tone. In other words, we aren’t hysterically trying to convert anyone, but instead aim to help.
First, Present the Facts
In order to move onto the “how”, you need to first present the “why”. If possible, suggest that your lady friend read this amiable, friendly letter I wrote (I may re-write it soon to improve it since I wrote it a year ago — I’ll post it here when I do). I originally wrote it for a friend who coaches at CrossFits so that she could show her clients why lifting would be beneficial. Allow me to summarize:
A Summary of Strength Training Benefits for Women
All women go to the gym and workout in order to “tone up”, yet this term actually means getting “lean and strong”. More exercise and less food is not the key to getting “lean and strong”; instead, better and more efficient exercise is key. Strength and high intensity endurance training require an active metabolism to recover from and adapt. The higher levels of metabolism will help eradicate fat. The increases in muscle will augment that metabolism, but don’t worry, with less than 10% of the testosterone that a guy has and makes it IMPOSSIBLE to grow excessive muscle or get bulky. Strength training also produces the sexy, womanly shape that every gal aims for.
Getting stronger and eating a better, protein-filled diet will heighten metabolism, improve the immune system, prevent sickness, eliminate fatigue, and increase bone density. Not to mention it will result in being strong and conditioned to better enjoy an active, healthy lifestyle. Oh, and did I mention getting strong? I know many girls who are stronger than most men, and they are no longer simply “average”.
Notice how that summary didn’t even criticize conventional methods? It may be necessary to explain why not to do cardio for 45 minutes and eat granola for breakfast or elaborate on why protein and squats would help, but let’s keep it simple. Start with the minimum and avoid sensory overload. The above is a pretty convincing claim.
Second, Inspire and Motivate
No, I’m not suggesting you put on a Matt Foley performance, but a little inspiration can go a long way. After explaining the benefits of proper training, your friend may need convincing. Luckily, there are thousands of pictures and videos of great looking women — amateur or professional — who can inspire your friend. By now you’ll have a good idea of what she may aspire to look like, so start with women who fit that type. Obviously I’ve used pictures of Erin Stern recently because she isn’t grossly striated, is incredibly athletic, regularly strength trains (with lots of squats), and even does some versions of the Olympic lifts. I’ve even shown this pictureto a few girls and they are immediately motivated to buckle down and train hard.
"Pudgy" Stockton is a classic example of being "strong and lean"
Inspiring someone provides emotional stimulation that compels them to want to get better. On the other hand, motivating gives someone an incentive to do something. The inspiration may be optional (depending on the gumption of the friend), yet motivating them to begin training is necessary. After all, strength training is a completely new method of ‘working out’ that is incredibly unfamiliar to most women. Despite the facts presented above, they may still be resistance. You merely need to ask them to only try it. That’s it. Just try it.
However, they can’t just try once since an afternoon of squatting and getting sore doesn’t beget results. Ask them to try it for a month. Committing to longer is a harder sell, and if they flat out deny a month, you can at least try to get them to try for two weeks (after six workouts, they will probably be sold anyway). Be sure to add, “If after a month of diligent work you don’t see any improvements and want to go back to your old method of working out, then you can. Just try this for a month.” You can probably get a confirmation with this approach, and most girls will be excited to try it (depending on how good or bad you are at making them comfortable with the idea, explaining it, and, most importantly, by not being creepy).
Third, Eliminate Fear
At this point, you have had a soft sell, but you can’t let your guard down. They may go home and realize that they have to venture into the “weights side of the gym” and get nervous. Girls don’t ever go over there. Won’t all the guys be watching them? Won’t squatting be hard? It sounds hard, doesn’t it?
Well, yeah, squatting is inherently hard, but we’re not going to tell them that just yet. Instead, make them comfortable with the idea and the process. Ensure that you, or some kind of professional (that you have prearranged) will be with them every step of the way. Having a friend in an unfamiliar place makes that place seem less intimidating. Besides, you can explain that every guy in there doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing anyway.
If possible, introduce them to a female friend who already does train (for our new trainee is no longer “working out”, but training). This may be the single most important thing you do for your friend’s training future. If another girl who has been through this process before — and who may even walk her through it — helps her along in the beginning, it will prove that anyone can do it. Your friend may be aesthetically, emotionally, or psychologically inspiring. She may even be your friend’s new training partner or coach. Having another like-minded girl there will show her that this isn’t a guy’s world, but women can also excel.
If possible, introduce her to a group of these girls. It would be even better if they had a training group that got together a few times a week (I know several of these across the country). CrossFits are a great place to meet people who train hard, and nowadays many of them have strength specific programs that can help provide a community for your friend.
Some of these possibilities are dependent on your relationship with this friend and who will be coaching her, but now you have options. At the very least, cover one of the following bases:
A) Assuage fears by writing off the stereotypical male gym population
B) Ensure her that you will help them learn during this trial month
C) Introduce her to one or more like-minded girls and if possible have your friend join their training group
D) Clarify that anyone can do it. Show her examples online of people who have transformed their life and bodies by improving their
E) Remind her that strength training is a skill that everyone must work at, even for guys who write for super cool strength websites
What’s Next?
If you, the reader, follow this simple and concise guide, I’m sure you will be able to get your friend to try this different style of training. Your friend will see quantifiable progress in their log-book, get stronger, and enjoy seeing the weight increase on the bar. Women are great to work with because they are very pleased with their ability to get stronger — probably because the world told them it wasn’t possible. Be sure to create a good program for your friend and go ahead and throw in high intensity endurance training that progresses over time (see this post for female program creation and this post for adding in conditioning). You’ll see that I don’t mind avoiding deadlifts…for now. It’s acceptable since she’ll still squat, and RDLs will develop her posterior chain better than deadlifts in the beginning anyway. Don’t forget to tweak her diet, primarily by increasing her protein intake so that the body recomposes itself in our month-long trial (see this post for nutrition for a new female trainee). Other things can be tweaked later, but if she plans her meals around eating protein, she’ll eat less of the other crap and get more of the good stuff.
Good luck with this process. Be sure not to be an elitist, a condescending prick, an irritating pain in the ass, or a zealot. Remember, you’re trying to help your friend improve the quality and efficiency of her training. Report back with results.
Does the Reebok girl even lift….?
Great stuff!!! I think it could also be helpful to show the new trainee a few gear items they can get for their new training program. Obviously no gear is actually necessary, but every other program out there comes with a boat load of stuff, and they all seem to be popular despite typically not being very useful. Stuff like a special new training notebook and pen, shorts that are good for squatting and look good on her, a t-shirt with clever writing or art on it, new socks if she plans to squat barefoot at first, training schedule calendar, a tub of whey, a new grocery list, etc. Joining an online forum (or 70s Big) can also be super helpful for motivation, and several of the b.s. peddlers use them to keep people motivated (and to sell products). There’s loads of good forums out there. Everyone loves getting new stuff and every time my lady goes on a new workout program it comes with a set of journals, “results and recovery food formula drinks” yada yada yada. Obviously this stuff isn’t needed and isn’t for everyone, but I think it could help.
I need you guys to get them in the gym before worrying about that stuff, yo. Their boyfriend/hustband/friend can hit this stuff up along the way.
–Justin
Justin, is this directed toward “cardio bunny” types who already work out but don’t strength train? Or is this directed toward women who don’t even go to the gym?
It doesn’t matter. Any girl who hasn’t trained before.
–Justin
Surely it could work for both?
Might be easier to get a sedentary lady into strength training. My Sister-in-law is digging it because conditioning work is too uncomfortable/not very fun and getting stronger is addicting and “easier” to push through. Could be that my take on things is rubbing off, but I agree that conditioning is not my flavour of “uncomfortable” and would rather move a heavy barbell… lol
@Chris Walls
here’s a great essay for fat chicks (but it works for sedentary too):
http://www.stumptuous.com/no-fat-chicks
The site in general is a great resource. It’s not updated anymore, but the articles and such are no-BS, practical, not condescending, and not full of pictures of fitness models’ nearly naked asses.
Click on “starting/starting weightlifting” in the top menu for the training articles.
When I first was teaching myself to lift dumbells I used one of the workout templates from this site, and it did get me to eat clean and with more protein, which at the time I had been avoiding since it gave me indigestion.
Another thought –
Women seem to like group classes with women in them. It’s not all cardio kickboxing. Women flock to yoga, pilates, reading groups, and higher education.
Furthermore, women don’t necessarily have to be hand-held and cuddled through lifting. Maybe they don’t do it because it’s just awkward to going a mostly or (usually)all-male gym, and be treated like, well, a girl. Even the friendly competitive drive to “just lift more than so-and-so” is null and void because of the hormone disadvantage.
Maybe gyms could have some womens-only classes, like this:
http://strengthambassadors.com/courses/ladieswholift/
advertised both at the gym and at places where “regular people” frequent. Ladies that were sorta wondering how to get started lifting without feeling like a weak bag of twigs next to their jacked trainer could get a few lessons, see if they like it, and go from there.
(edit to my previous comment, that site I linked is regularly updated, I just didn’t notice since I was looking for articles from 2009)
I recommend your article to ever girl who talks getting ‘toned”.
this is off topic, but I have a question.
I’ve recently had to switch from low bar squats to high bar squats because low bar squats were giving me epicondylitis and continued to halt my novice progression…i’d get up to about 225 and have to reset. this also screwed with my benching, making me have to reset those too… this happened three times after resetting and altering my form/grips, etc…so i just gave up and decided to go with high bar for a while….
anyway, my question is… i’m finding it hard to not look up when doing high bar squats… i think its the nature of the movement…trying to get my chest up and driving up more vertically/less hip drive…makes me want to look up…looking down makes me feel more vulnerable to rounding my back
if you were coaching someone with this problem, would it just be a case of “just LOOK DOWN you asshole” or are there other cues you might use to help out?
thanks
Haven’t read other people’s responses, but looking down is not something that is coached on the high bar squat, but the low bar squat instead. Your golfer’s elbow can be improved by changing your grip — it’s especially rare with a high bar squat so it should be pretty easy to modify.
I think Brian said this later in the comments, but high bar squats would have a direct forward eye gaze. The lifts don’t fit some kind of arbitrary eye gaze — eye gaze is dependent on the natural spinal position in the lift. In the case of a vertical torso high bar squat, the eye gaze will be forward, since the cervical spine in neutral position would have the head level with the ground. Follow?
–Justin
Does anyone have a store/website they recommend for dress shirts? As I’m sure is the case with many of the guys on here, my neck is disproportionately big compared to my arm length. Macy’s Jos Bank, etc. literally do not sell shirts for my dimensions. I don’t want to get expensive custom made ones because I plan becoming even more awesomely big. I’m looking for an 18.5 32/33.
I agree with what icanmakeyouaman points out above–it does suck when you walk into an all-male training environment and realize that you will never lift what they are lifting (I’m talking a serious lifting gym, where everyone benches and squats 300+ and deadlifts 400+). Granted, this doesn’t stop me from training in that type of environment–it does motivate you to work harder when you realize just how pathetically weak you are. Personally, it doesn’t matter to me if I am training around men or women, aside for the once consideration I mentioned above.
It’s also interesting to contrast all of this encouragement to get women in the gym to lift with my own recent experience of joining an all-male powerlifting group. When I am lifting with the group there is no coddling, not much coaching, no words of encouragement–in fact, most of the time, I feel quite invisible.
Regarding the first part of your comment, this is why I suggest that the person helping the girl (the reader of the article) should show her how to do it in each of the workouts. This will often be a girlfriend or a wife, so it’s the first natural thing to do since the girl can’t teach herself how to squat.
–Justin
@criedthefox
I look forward when squatting.
imo, one of the form differences is that highbar squats should be with a (mostly)vertical torso, so looking forward makes sense.
Someone mentioned lifting groups for women only and I cannot advocate that enough. When I am not lifting or being a librarian, I teach those mind/body classes that so many women flock to. I get a lot of what I like to call my “brogis”, big guys who train hard but want to improve their mobility and range of motion. When I get women who come to me and talk about not being strong to lift themselves into crow or to go from a high plank to Chaturanga (think deaccelerating pushup but lowering down), I mention that I lift to help me build strength to do some of the more advance poses we do and that I do the yoga/pilates to help with my mobility, stability, and range of motion with lifting. This has often led to invitations to come lift with me in the gyms “man zone” so they feel that they have a female ally in the testosterone dense weight room. Equally, I have gotten guys to come into the predominantly female classes because they are looking to help rehabilitate a lift gone wrong or to improve with their mobility/stability/range of motion, etc. So with all that said, something for guys to think about…why not take a few of those classes so you can at least understand what these women are doing in their current fitness routine and talk about how building strength will improve their endurance for cardio-kickboxing and improve their mind/body classes. I think a lot of guys go in guns a’blazing trying to steal away their ladies’ Zumba or yoga or pilates that they enjoy by saying you shouldn’t do X group fitness class but should only lift. It comes across as patronizing and obnoxious, the same as if some Zumba fanatic tells someone they should only do Zumba or a yogi say that a person only needs yoga. Often times I think most women go into these classes because they don’t want to feel judged and its perhaps why they don’t venture into the weights side of the gym. That and they don’t want to feel harassed (one friend in particular hates lifting at the gym because as a large woman, she gets unsolicited comments from guys in the weight room). So if you are wanting to get the ladies into “your side” of the gym, then why not go into their side and see what they like about those classes? This can only help you to have discussions about how lifting can improve their participation in the activities they love and help them achieve their fitness goals. Or if anything make them a deal, you will go with them once a week to their yoga/cardio/pilates class for a month if they will workout with you in the weight room for a month.
I don’t think that guys need to go to group fitness classes to help women learn how to train better. The point is that women are spending time working out in order to garner some kind of improved ability or physique. If the conversation comes up (and I clarified at least two or three times how the point is to help someone, not convert them), then the person can explain all of this shit to the girl. Going and doing a less useful form of exercise isn’t going to help the guy get any better and wastes his time unless his absolute goal is to convert x amount of women into training (which is a weird goal to begin with).
If a girl says to me, “I want to look better” or “I want to start working out more, what should I do?” then I discuss these topics with them. I’m not on the prowl for women, going up to them on ellipticals and telling them that they are wasting their time and the gym’s electricity on ineffective machines (the elliptical).
Lastly, the majority of reasons that liftinglibrarian cited are exactly why this series exists. I can’t account for every girl’s fears, self-consciousness, lack of self-esteem, or lack of habitual behavior change. All of that stuff is an individualized thing. Instead, when the topic comes up, I’m urging 70’s Big readers to explain things to them without acting like the stereotypical chest-thumping dickhead.
My goal is to help people train better, not be their therapist (that’s the barbell’s job).
–Justin
you should have those guys try taking a look at mobilitywod.com if they are wanting to improve function at end range, work towards obtaining ideal positioning or more positional options in movement, address the absence of passive accessory movements that should be present in healthy joints, and deal with soft-tissue adhesions that may be limiting their ability to achieve good position and produce force
@bodhi–I have to wear a suit and tie every day and have experimented with several brands. I’ve found that the Brooks Brothers “slim fit” is the best solution. If you buy online you can input your exact neck and sleeve measurements. For instance at 5’9″ 195 lbs I got 33 1/2 sleeves with 17.5 inch neck. I would never find that size in a store. If you wait around for a holiday or something they have pretty good sales. I got my shirts for less than $50/each. Of course you can’t put a price on breathing.
Justin is perfectly happy to turn twinks into bears but insists that the similar methods won’t turn femmes into butches…
…maybe it won’t, but the bear >>> twink vibe is so strong on this site that it’s a bit hard to ignore the female parallel.
I have no fucking clue what in the hell you’re talking about.
–Justin
My then boyfriend introduced me to squatting and the idea of lifting back in 2008 in order to improve my athletic performance in karate. It’s been one of the most profound changes I’ve done to myself and I don’t regret ever starting it, even when I was sidelined for six months from a lifting injury.
It is a HUGE struggle to see (and sometimes train with) my female teammates who are weaker, do not believe that weight training would be a benefit, and are suffering various injuries in correlation to their lack of activity. Including chronic back pain, torn ACLs, sprained ankles, and so on. It doesn’t help that our coaches are not trained in barbell movements – and many of them are insistent that alternatives like pilates, PT exercises, or running are the sole way to improve our athletic prowess.
I’ve discovered that even if I can verbally advocate barbell training to another female, getting them (or their parents, as many of them are teenagers) to actually step under the bar when I’m compared to authority figures with “credentials” is difficult and frustrating. In order to highlight my experience, I need to have the paper work to support my position. What are ways that I can do that?
Hmm, that’s frustrating. Are you trying to coach them in lifting yourself? In all seriousness, a simple shitty ACE, ACSM, or even ISSA type training certification would do it. If the parents are too stubborn to listen to objective logic (which is what you should be providing when you explain why strength training would be beneficial — increasing the density and ability to withstand force in bones, ligaments, tendons and muscles, with muscles also having improved force production among hundreds of other reasons) and need to see pretty letters after your name, they can be bought for a couple hundred dollars at most. When I had to get an ACE certification four or five years ago, I just had to go take a test and pass it — there was no practical and there almost always is not one.
I worked with a 12 year old national Judo player. He’s 14 now and regularly trains with barbells. When he gets to the Olympics, we can cite him as an example.
–Justin
Icanmakeyouaman, lifting doesn’t turn women into butches because they don’t have the fucking capability to pack on slabs of muscle. Are you on your period, btw?
and bears are > twinks.
and what do you fucking curl bro
I have nothing to add here, except to say that Djay’s comments are excellent.
Careful… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeoivSlqz4w
(I just want to clarify: butches are a genre of lesbian, which are a subset of woman. Moving on.)
ok sure, “lifting” on a femme diet of meatless salad will probably not butchify anyone.
but lifting on a “70s Big” diet will definitely turn any baby dyke into a full-fledged 70s Butch, just because of the added fat and muscle.
In reality, women aren’t afraid of “becoming a man”, they’re afraid of looking like butch lesbians, which is actually possible, since butch lesbians are women.
I liked your letter Justin. I have a bad habit of sniping at long slow distance aerobics for fitness when I make the case for lifting, and it’s definitely something I need to stop.
I also found it interesting that the Reebok girl who talked about toning her butt had no ass to speak of at all.
icanmakeyouaman: What the what?
First, not all butch women are lesbians. Second, that point is irrelevant. Third, a 70s Big diet plus heavy lifting will not make a woman look “butch”. We do not have the testosterone levels to build that kind of muscle.
I lift pretty heavy 3x/wk, I just devoured a strip steak, roasted potatoes, spinach COOKED IN STEAK JUICES and had some peanut butter ice cream for dessert. I assure you that this routine has not turned me from femme to butch. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) And just as importantly, there is more to being a butch lady than being muscular. And this will really blow your mind: some women (hetero women, even!) actually identify as butch AND LIKE IT.
As for the logic in your last sentence, I can’t even.
Sorry, I got really excited about my dinner for a second.
I also really want to know what this fucking guy curls.
Back on track, Pudgy Stockton was awesome in every possible way. I wish she were still alive and running a gym so I could send my LA friends there. Muscle Beach back in the day sounds pretty damn awesome. What a great way to spend a Saturday – feats of strength on the beach!
Great article. I have quite a few female friends who I want to get started on lifting. @ icanmakeyouaman: I would just give you the bennefit of the doubt on this one and assume you were piss-in-the-bed drunk when you commented, but the words aren’t jumbled together so I guess you just ate too many paint chips as a kid.
Great post, I’ve been doing SL 5×5 for almost 12 weeks and my fiance finally began interested after I showed her this article, she was a believer in all the bulking myths ect. She read through the entire 4 part series and really liked it.
Thanks for your excellent posts. As a female weightlifter, I appreciate your focus on dispelling myths and getting more women into a great lifelong habit.
It’s a challenge that so many resources out there ALWAYS assume that the reader/watcher/listener is male. The fact that men are the status quo in weightlifting probably has a lot to do with women feeling like they don’t belong in the weights section of the gym. To that point, Justin, I’d like to lovingly call you out on your language in these posts. You assume that your readers are male, and refer to women as “them” instead of “you”. Why don’t you direct your 70s Big Female posts AT US? Speak directly to the wife/girlfriend/sister. You’ll still get all the information across, and your male readers can direct their ladies here or apply your recommendations as they see fit.
It certainly would make me feel more welcome. I hate feeling talked about, rather than talked with.
Because the target audience — females who don’t train or lift or anything — don’t read my site. Why would I address them? That’s like trying to sell condoms to my grandma.
Furthermore, whenever I do a poll, it is overwhelmingly (at least 97%) of males who actually interact with this site. Since they a) constitute the majority of my readership and b) are the ones primarily giving me feedback on anything, then why would I focus it on you, the extreme minority? The guys are the ones who both want and have trouble getting their female friends to train. I’m playing to my audience.
Besides, a girl who trains — like you — probably has a pretty good success rate with getting girls to train when you do come across such a situation.
By the way, your username is awesome.
–Justin