This is a post from my pal Ben Claridad. He’s a lifter, an artist, and a coach. Check out his website; it posts art work every day with some funny comments.
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“Big Screen TV Ass” or alternatively Supersize my Legs
I want legs so big that they make babies cry, so startling that they shake the foundations of your soul and you wake up in a cold sweat, relieved that my legs aren’t in the same room as you. If I were to travel by airplane, my ticket would read: row 34, seat A and D. Those wishing to cross the isle to gain access to the bathroom would have to pay my left leg a toll. My right leg will be busy counting the money collected and using it to buy no less than 10 airplane meals and something to read during the 2 hour layover. But before this becomes a reality, some background information is in order.
I’ve been competing on Olympic weightlifting for about 6 years now. My most recent trip to the American Open resulted in me going 2 for 6, making only my openers at 135 and 160. This was good enough for a 4th place finish and a celebratory meal at a mostly empty Japanese Steakhouse with the rest of my crew from Hassle Free BBC. In my experience, a lot of weightlifting is problem solving. And it was during this meal that I decided what my main problems are, the most glaring being my relatively weak squat PRs (F. squat 200/B. squat 230). I’ve also decided that (at least for the time being) I really don’t care about how I place at competitions. I’d rather walk around at comfortable 110-112 kilos and be looking for a 340-350 total instead of having to cut to 105 kilos and be looking for the 310-315 total. Am I saying that by simply being a heavier lifter, I’ll be guaranteed to achieve my goal of a 340 total? Not at all, but it couldn’t hurt to try. So for the time being, I’m going to implement a new strategy: get fucking huge.
Last night at the gym, I measured my thigh and ass circumferences (no homo). This ultimately ended up in a large group of lifters, rugby and football players taking amusement in the ridiculousness of what I was doing, and did the same (yes homo). The middle of my thigh measured 27 inches around and my ass (measured by wrapping the measuring tape around the waist and then sliding it down until you reach the plumpest point of your ass) measured 44 inches. Impressive when compared to the untrained individual? Sure. But when compared to guys who can Clean 2 hundo, my lower half just doesn’t cut it. Essentially what I’m looking for is somewhere between 30-32 inches for my thigh and for my ass: as close to 50 inches as I can get (people buy big screen TVs that big).
Taking measurements is very scientific. But good science needs solid data, so for the next 8 weeks (depending on when I start) I’m going to write down everything I do. This has the added benefit of A) keeping me accountable, B) forcing me to organize and implement a proper program, and C) allowing me to troubleshoot for what works for me and what doesn’t.
Here’s a video of me in the best shape of my life (with my Conan hair). Hopefully be the same time next year, I’ll be bigger, stronger, and faster than ever. (Note: the 1st snatch is actually 140, which at the time was a 3kg PR).
19 thoughts on “Iron Thighs”
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I recently measured my body to check progress. When I started squatting my thighs were 21″ and now they’re 26″. Hips (aka ass) were 37 and now are 42. I’m going to try to keep up and keep pace with this barbarian.
When i read Conan hair. I thought of conan o’brien’s hair. Kinda sad it wasn’t.
Dude, I like this guy.
Took same measurements for the hell of it: Legs are ~25, Ass is ~39.
It’s a damn good thing my New Years Resolution is to gain 20lb.
Awesome video and some good lifts. USAW dropped the ball on coverage of the US Open. I was hoping for some live internet streaming similar to what they had for the national championships this past year.
Brent doesn’t measure his traps in inches he measures it in kilometers!
And where will you buy jeans with this 50 inch ass?
Shit, I just want a 50 inch jacket size without being fat.
I’m sure this is taboo to bring up AGAIN but where can an adult male buy good jeans? Most mall stores only have waist sizes up to 36, and that usually demands getting a long inseam.
Yeah, I know Target and Wal*Mart have jeans for fat americans but those are cut like pajama pants – ridiculous. Skinny jeans are obviously right out but, as Henry Rollins points out, jeans should have a fitted look. The ladies want to see some bulge. And it should be apparent that I have some muscle on the top of my thigh.
If Chris and I can wear Levis 569s, then all of you can. It’s big enough for my thighs, but Chris also has a bigger waist than me, but he still fits in these jeans.
–Justin
I second the no-homo inquiry about jeans. Shorts too (I generally buy these huge in the waist and hem them, which is a pain).
27″ thigh, 43″ glute, 33″ waist.
My squat is only in the low 300’s, and I actually quit squatting the past few months because I can’t wear any pants. My legs/ass grow like weeds.
Impossible to buy jeans (or any pant)that aren’t extremely baggy or so tight I have zero hip flexion without tearing the ass out.
high five for danzig
+1 on the pants issue. I’m facing a real pants crisis at the moment. I’ve ripped through all of my shorts, 1 pair of jeans, 1 suit and none of my remaining jeans are wearable. Tips on suits for an athletic build would be appreciated too.
Pants issue… the only thing i have fond to work is buying pants that fit my legs and then having the waist brought in. In this case I look for pants on sale because I’m going to spend another 15-20 bucks to have them altered. With suits, if you really want something that fits athletically without looking like a fucking moron, you should get the suit custom made. I have bought suits and had them tailored to fit better and ended up spending some retarded amount of money anyway because they had to take the whole damn thing apart… and to top it off I look like a damn goon and never where the stupid thing!
Oh also yeah for the jeans, boot cut seems to fit me nice, sometimes tight in the thighs, ass, junk region, but my wife never complains. I usually just get Levi’s because they are cheap and whatnot. I don’t know much about Wranglers but I would suppose those are an option too. You can use the same idea here to fit to your legs and then have them taken-in in the waist if you need to, keep in mind though that it can look rather silly when done with jeans.
Along the same lines of this subject; I recently bought a jock strap to workout it in and I gotta say I am really pleased. The only one I found at the local Academy was made by Under Armor (thus expensive), but I am happy I did it. I remember back in the days of HS football the crappy Bike brand jocks we used and this new one is far superior. It’s comfortable and really holds things in nice and tight. I got the thing because compression shorts have never really done the job of hold my junk in place, bc of my thighs I assume, and I finally got annoyed enough to try and fix it. Maybe my junk is just really small… who knows, either way my solution seems to have worked so if you have a similar problem try using a jock.
I don’t want to have a conversation comparing or discussing junk, but I have always had very large thighs and compression shorts were fine. They “hold everything in place” — ties the room together, if you will. If you have a problem with compression shorts (I just call it spandex), then it isn’t the thigh thing because not many people have bigger thighs than I do.
–Justin
I do the same as Stonewall. That is, buy pants to fit my legs and take them to a tailor to bring in the waist. Not fun, but necessary. In the past year I have blown the outer seam on 4 pairs of “relaxed fit” jeans. I have another nice pair or jeans sitting in my bedroom that have a 3-4 inch tear in the seam that I hope to have repaired, as they nicely highlight the ass and package, and that makes the wifey happy!
I have been buying “athletic fit” and “tailor fit” dress shirts, and they are typically ok, but I still have to have the midsection taken in so I don’t look like a balloon! Big shoulders and chest = manly = awkwardly fitting clothes. I have tried for years to find jackets and sport coats that fit properly and can not. The tailor has to redo everything I buy, which ends up costing a small fortune when you are talking about remaking an entire suit jacket. There seems to be a market for this type/fit of clothes, at least amongst the 70’s Big crowd.
Nice post. I’m not going to bother measuring – I know I need to grow. Ben is a manimal.
Jeans: Costco’s house “Lucky” jeans are a good fit (same brand but not the same as the ones at the mall, and much cheaper/less stylish). Levi’s 569 (loose/straight leg) are a good fit. Levi 557 is a little snug for me, but might work for some. Kohl’s has a good selection for a decent price. I just tore my last two favorite pairs so I’ll be shopping after the holiday for some new ones.
I wear the 569s – while I have to buy a bit bigger waist than I need to fit my thighs, the difference is not terrible.
God bless thrift shops. 2 pairs of jeans, 3 shirts…. like 12 bucks.
Thanks fellas. I go to costco religiously anyway so I’ll check out the Costco jeans and it I’m now resigned to accepting that I’m just going to have to shell out money for a tailor. Worse things have happened–I used to be small and weak.
For shirts I have found a couple solutions. Brooks Brothers makes a line that fits well. Calvin Klein also has a decent one (I think it’s called athletic cut) and their website lets you order special sizes, so you can specify a smaller waist size which helps with the puffiness issue, or at least it used to. There is also this site: http://www.bestcustomshirt.com/ Which has like a 20-point quetionnaire about your build and they even offer to call and talk over how you want the shirt made. I’m getting a couple of these. Hopefully I’ll finally be able to button the top button and not look like such a douche at the Monday Morning Meeting.
Good luck to you Maslow!
Pants:
Levis 569s fit Chris and I, so they’ll fit you. My thighs and ass have always been bigger than guys much larger than me, so I think I have a valid opinion. The only thing that fit until I found 569s were Lee Dungarees, but those stopped fitting (I ripped an older pair). Luckily Chris told me about the 569s since my Dungarees stopped fitting.
As for Khakis…I can’t find any that fit. Same with dress pants. I haven’t had to buy any to wear on a regular basis, so I can’t help on this issue.
Ben is a beast. I train with him and he has helped me grow in size and technique leaps and bounds!!! Legit!