Origins of Thanksgiving, Eating Challenge

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Beard of the Day


The Origins of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is an interesting holiday. It is a convoluted, weird interpretation of something that didn’t really happen in American history. It’s clear what has actually happened, and I will recount the sequence of events here.

70’s Big is an idea that started in early 2009 and developed into a website by September of the same year. Currently the site easily averages over 3,000 visitors a day. Instead of being concerned with number of readers, 70’s Big is more concerned with establishing a paradigm. Burly men and strong women go forth and take on risks and difficult challenges with fervor in their hearts. They learn this ability through the grueling battles with steel, iron, and gravity. Guts and courage are built through toil; they don’t simply appear at birth.

Alas! Food becomes an important part of this journey of self realization. It is fuel for the body so that the mind can push through each lesson. A man requires a hearty bounty, not egg whites and squash. And thus Thanksgiving was born.

“Bah! Thanksgiving hath endured for centuries; how hath 70’s Big birthed the Great Giving of Thanks?” A valid question, yet the reality is that Thanksgiving has not always existed. There was a time in an alternate universe in which Thanksgiving did not exist while all other things remained constant. The idea of 70’s Big was infectious upon the world as it grew into a dominant way of thinking. Society no longer bitched about being offended and the fame of celebrities waned to that of my big toe. It was a wonderful society that lived through the ages. Several millenia from now, the governing body decided to honor the inception of its way of thinking. Their solution: travel back in time and establish a holiday in which eating a hearty, complete meal was emphasized and glorified. The governing body sent their agents back in time to manipulate such a holiday. In a vain attempt to cloak their true identity, the time travelers showed up in black pilgrim costumes while others showed up as bare skinned Indians. The ruse worked to perfection because the public ate it up, and the Thanksgiving Feast was born.

70’s Big has been preceded by decades of proper eating, a testament to proper planning by the Time Travelers to ensure that skinny people have experienced good eating habits before starting their quest to 70’s Big. “Hard gainers” no longer have shitty excuses as to why they can’t gain weight, because they have done it correctly on at least one day of every year of their lives! Manliness is a choice, and Thanksgiving is as good a place as any to start.

The Thanksgiving Eating Challenge
Now that we have the origin of Thanksgiving out of the way, we can focus on the readers who have chosen Manliness over helplessness; Boldness over cowardliness; and strong over weak. I challenge all of you to an eating contest. We can’t really argue over subjective interpretations of how much you “actually ate”, so instead we’ll measure it by weight gained. You will need to weigh yourself before your feast, and then again after your feast (if you feast throughout the day, then weigh yourself at the end). You will also need to wear the same clothes throughout the day (i.e. wear the same stuff in your pre/post weighing). This would be a proper time to wear your 70’s Big shirt, since it’s our national holiday. Whoever gains the most weight will win a t-shirt. We are probably going to need video or picture evidence of your weigh-ins. This will cut back on cheating, even though it can still happen — don’t be a jackass. On Thanksgiving Day we’ll post our results to the comments.

Good luck to you all, and don’t forget to give thanks to the Time Travelers.

14 thoughts on “Origins of Thanksgiving, Eating Challenge”

  3. I have nowhere to go on tanxgiving. My wife and I are going to veg out and eat a small animal I suppose.

    That’s a good wiki article. I took a quantum mechanics class as part of chemistry grad school, it’s interesting from both points of view; philosophically and scientifically.

    Yesterday I had a battle with some iron. 3RM power cleans. I tried big jumps, but I overshot my actual max and burned out, failing all the lifts afterwards, even though I drop poundage to find that max. Then I ate a steak with persimmon/tomatillo/ancho/chipotle/chocolate mole (the mexican recipe, not the animal) sauce.

  6. Is Turducken the preferred meat of 70’s Big Day?

    Looking forward to a few big meals of ham, turkey, sausage, potatoes, stuffing, peas, corn and pies on Thursday… followed by copious left overs on Friday.

    Then we’ll reset with a full tenderloin of beef on Saturday.

  8. Had an early T-Day dinner Sunday with my aunt, uncle and plethora of cousins. I didn’t go overboard. Tomorrow, my wife and I will be celebrating Thanksgiving together with a nice rib extravaganza. The raping, pillaging pilgrims would have engorged themselves on ribs if baby-backs had been available. Happy eating, everybody.

  9. Thanxgiving is earlier here in Canada – but in the morning, I weighed 229 – home after dinner – I was a nice 235! What a great day!

    Saw a good idea on a recent TV show – thanksgiving dinner with a turkey (not stuffed with stuffing) stuffed with a smaller turkey!

    I am planning this for Christmas already!

  11. god damn it, canadian thanks giving was more than a month ago.

    hey justin everybody tells me(including an ex nfl linebacker) that i need to start wrestling because it would help me play better. as a football player i’m probably lacking more football skills than being an overall athlete. the practice schedule is great for lifting because it’s so dense – tuesday wednesday and thursday. maybe i won’t go thursdays, depending what you think. i was thinking about doing everything the same(linear progression), but wednesday squats will be either light or box squats. and if i deadlift on wednesday(once every 2 weeks, as you know), then i’ll have to take it easy.

    what do you think?

  13. Great idea. Last year I did this and went from 203 to 211 in about 3 hours. Turkey, dressing, deviled eggs, and about 30 lil’smokies-in-a-blanket. Remainder of weight gained consisted of Miller lite. Remember, a gallon of beer, wine, or water weighs 8lbs, so keep that in mind. I think 5-8% BW gain is totally doable. Unfortunately I’m making weight Dec 4 so can’t participate.

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