A New Outlook

Posted on by

Edit: The caption on the picture didn’t go through last night. It has since been updated.

Hey, maybe I’ve been to hard on the skinny guys. Whatever you want to do in order to be happy, you should do it. If you want to shave your chest, maintain some sexy abs, and pull in the ladies, then why not, eh? Nothin’ wrong with tryin’ to impress the ladies, right?

Look, we don’t need to eat all of this food. We can get BIG, and we can get strong if we eat healthy (it may take 10 years to increase your lean body mass by five pounds, but hey, slow and steady wins the race, knowhatImean?). I challenge each and everyone one of you to get a healthy serving of green vegetables today — THREE TIMES!! I think it’s time we start focusing on our health. After all, if you eat like we have been recommending for six months, then you’ll turn into a swarthy, obese, unhealthy mother fucker who isn’t very useful. By GOD, my friend Zach, the internet phenomenon, is SUCH a fat boy.

The 70’s Big stance is now one that revolves around lookin’ good and feelin’ good. Here is my 6 step program:

1. Eat less red meat. It has all kinds of things in it that you don’t need, especially if you are hitting glutes and cardio five days a week.

2. Three servings of vegetables a day keeps you slim, trim, with abs as sharp as a pin.

3. Cycle your abdominal exercises throughout the week so that you don’t exhaust one ab. If you want at least a six pack, then you better hit each pack by itself lest it shall be overtrained and grow angry.

4. Take your shirt off around other guys. It shows that you are okay with your sexuality and will be the primary method in finding a mate in the proximity.

5. Eat protein, but not too much. You can’t assimilate all of if anyway, and you don’t want it stored as excess fat!

6. Buy a mirror — two if you can. You should monitor your progress frequently. If your abs aren’t smashing diamonds in two, then you better sharpen your game, son.

You better be willing to consume more than just blood if you wanna hang with these guys.

But in all seriousness guys, it’s time to start lookin’ good and feelin’ good. Mmmm…can you smell it?



You better be willing to suck more than just blood if you wanna hang with this crew

59 thoughts on “A New Outlook”

  10. I knew it was suspect after the first sentence…

    BTW where does that “Don’t you know you’re eating more protein than your body can even use?” thing come from?
    I first heard someone say it about a year ago, now I hear it every other day it seems.

  11. I would just like to say: Fellash, if *I* fall into the predominant weight class because I GAINED 25 pounds and you kids haven’t done any better (I am a slender Hollywood woman type girl…) You should be embarassed.
    Even us slender type girls want a real grown up man, 70’s Big style. And our girl friends that said we we’re too big anyway, they don’t understand the rewards of being useful.
    Thank you 70’s Big and my Notebook Journal for evidence of the hard work we’ve been doing and the heavy lifiting we’ve been doing.
    I love getting stronger.
    -R

  13. Terrible post. Whats the big deal? Some people have different goals for working out and a different view on fitness. Picking on people for eating healthy too?

  16. it’s okay nubtub, satire hurts a little sometimes.

    this is a huge moment. I’m so excited to start lifting without a shirt so everyone can see my gunz and respect me. Alright gotta run, time to go work my 3rd ab.

    Jonathan Swift FTW!

    –Justin

  18. It’s perfect that you posted this today. Yesterday I decided to run five miles and eat nothing but grapefruit all day. Cutting calories and adding cardio is so much better for you.

  22. I had a feeling a change in viewpoints was about to be revealed. I actually added in some reverse barbell curls and super-setted them with some blazing swiss ball crunches.

    Also, I found the softest pair of training gloves, so now I don’t have to worry about this rough patch of skin on my hands anymore. Thank you Justin and 70’s Big for confirming my training choices.

    Lastly, I am going on a raw, juice diet for the next month, and I know my abzz with be the best at the beach by May.

    Happy April 1st everyone…

  23. John Welbourn interview is up at http://www.startingstrength.com!

    Six Pack=Strong Core. I dont see a problem. Hahaha

    Me and my girlfriend were watching TV the other day and she says something about how I should get a six pack (she is eating ice cream while she is saying this). I said “Who needs a six pack when you have a squat butt?” And then I said, “Ill get a six pack as soon as you get one.” She wasnt very happy about that….Haha

  24. Don’t forget about the A,B,C’s, too. Abs, biceps, chest (or calves). My oly lifting friend always says that calf drive and bicep flex are the two most crucial components to a successful snatch and clean and jerk! Thanks for confirming this.

  25. With my roommates every time they “lift”, it’s “bis, tris, and bench”. My one roommate squated the bar for 3 sets of five, and he couldn’t walk the next day. People need to sack up. Also shout out to seeing other people with your same lifting shoes and talking about 70s Big and Starting Strength at the local globo-gym. Bout time.

  30. I’ve actually started a jazzercize class in my living room if anyone in the metroplex is interested in getting in wicked good shape. I can see abs 1 & 5 already and #3 is tickling my stomache as we speak. I also bought a smoothie machine and make sugar free and fat free smoothies with skim milk and bee pollen. Yummerz!

  34. i know the jug says to only take 1 scoop, but i put 4 scoops of NOxplode in my shake and now I can feel my heart beat in my elbows and my penis appears to have gone inside out. screw it, calf raises and JAGER BOMBS!!!

  36. I was kind of hoping for a post about a charity drive to raise money for research into a cure for ILS (Imaginary Lat Syndrome). Most bros have it, and it is a tragic disease indeed.

  38. The guy in the front on the new moon picture looks redeemable, he could totally become 70s big with ss+gomad. The rest are un-salvageable 90small metros.

  39. I applaud the bold new direction you’ve taken 70’s Big. I think you have left out one critical fitness element however; really super awesome tanning. Tanning make you look super cool and ripped. If you go to a good enough place they will even airbrush on the hot abzz for you like they did for that pasty vampire fella (he shoulda got the spray tan all over!).
    http://www.kudzu.com/m/Kona-Tanning-Company-Airbrush-Tanning-19307883

    Good call. I left this out of the post. Thanks for having my back, BRO.

    –Justin

  40. @gmcelfresh

    I’ve found a good cure for those suffering from bi’s-tri’s-bench-itis: invite the afflicted party to partake in an actual activity, such as bale-tossing, livestock-wrangling, ice hockey, rugby wood-chopping, etc.

    Stuff like that is like smelling salts for those guys.

  47. Right on the money! I just worked out my right middle ab today with 7 different exercises. I’m so excited, tomorrow I hit the left bottom one.

  48. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having abs or looking good.

    Even your guy’s idol Doug Young said he trains to look as good and anybody that says any different isn’t telling the whole truth.

    It’s one thing to be obsessed with having your abs show, but picking on people for eating vegtables and conditioning is just weird.

    I don’t know if I’m the only atlhete on here that competes in a sport other than weightlifting, but I think my cardio shape is going to play a huge role in how I play on the basketball court. Granted, I also know how important getting stronger is and I’ve gained 15 pounds and its improved my game greatly. I also know my strength won’t be as important if I can’t run up the court.

    -shrugs-

  49. @WCM025, all your points would be valid… if this was the website “90’sSmall.com”

    Seriously dude, a lot of the uber manliness here is tongue in cheek to a certain extent. I would also remind you that you are taking an April fools day post way too seriously.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.