There’s gotta be some standards, for god’s sakes
This is a re-post of something I wrote back in October. A lot of you noobs may not have seen it, so I wanted to bring it to light. I plan on updating this list next Friday. You may make suggestions, but do not assume your suggestion is 70’s Big creed. Oh, and it is PR Friday. Post weight lifted, gained, or eaten plus all the other notables like ripping clothes, pressing females, and tossing children. Girls, I want to hear more out of you this time. After all, you can toss children too.
The epitome of 70’s Big
When the website went live, one of the first things that my friend Chris did was compile a list of things that would or would not exhibit what 70’s Big is all about. I share his concern. You see, 70’s Big has been alive for the better part of 2009. You, the reader, are at a disadvantage. You may not intuitively know what is acceptable.
Hell, you may open your tub of soy protein after gelling your hair while listening to Nickelback and sipping a smoothie. For god’s sakes, this is for your own good! Okay? I can’t have you going around talking to your friends about 70’s Big when you’re convincing someone that your shirt is fucshia with a Bud Light in your hand. And I’m pretty sure Rip would find the athleticism to backflip kick you in the jaw if you were convinced Crown Royal was the best kind of whiskey. Look, it’s just bad for my reputation if you talk about 70’s Big after shaving your chest, doing a few sets of curls and push-ups, then hitting up the bar with your favorite “whore-stink” cologne on.
No, I can’t have that. There has to be some standards, dammit.
DOs
- Hairiness
- Mustaches
- Beards
- Meat
- Milk
- Fire
- Iron
- Beer
- Black and white pictures
- Socks
- Short shorts
- Chicago (the band)
- Led Zeppelin
- Chalk
- BBQ and smoked meat
- Bold coffee
- Boots
- .45 Long Colt
- Pooping frequently
- Slaying zombies (vaguely gruesome)
DON’Ts
- Shaving — specifically chests, arms, and legs
- Tanning
- Soy
- Isolation exercise
- Weighing less than 200 pounds
- Under Armour
- Running
- Skinny Jeans
- “Stop sign plates”
- Salad
- Bodybuilding
- 90’s Small
- Mirrors
- Smoothie Bars
- Tofu
- Smith Machines
- Male models (synonymous with 90’s Small)
- P90X, Bowflex, Total Gym, “functional exercise”, “working the core”, etc.
- Killed by zombies (humorously gruesome)
By no means is this list finalized or comprehensive. You’ve got a whole weekend to make suggestions. Choose them wisely…
Do””s should list something about competing in a sport.
Werd. But this list is old.
–Justin
Chicago? Really? I was thinking Ted Nugent.
Justin is referring to early Chicago/Chicago Transit Authority like “I””m a Man” not the later Chicago which wrote cheesy ballads for 80s movies.
Truth.
–Justin
From the picture above I think aviotor sunglasses would be 70”s big.
Do”s: Old Spice Original Cologne
Don”ts: MGD 64 or Budweiser 55 or some similar “beer”
Don””ts: Light Beer
This.
–Justin
PRs – SQ 305×10
Squat 315
Press 137.5
Dead 365
Bench 185
Weight 250
Height 6”2
This time last year I weighed 180lbs and was having trouble squating 135. Thanks 70”s Big!
DONT:
1. Axe Body Spray
2. Cereal for breakfast UNLESS it is accompanied with more food
DO:
1. Each meal has 1000+ calories.
would jorts go on the do or the don”t list? i”m thinking do”s
Love the list. One minor gripe about the “don”t” list. Under armour, like most things in life can be used for the forces of good, or evil.
Squat – 360
Press – 2255
Dead – 585
Bench – Not often (see also, press)
Weight – 255
Height – 6″3
Breakfast – 5*3 Bacon Omlets(Heavy)
DON”T:
1. Calf Raises
2. Workout with a book or while watching TV
3. Talk about losing weight
4. Watch porn with story lines
5. Wax your eyebrows or back hair
6. Drink Skim Milk
7. Eat steak well done
8. Belly button piercing(on a dude)
9. Get a pedicure (do I need to say this)
10. Wear workout gloves or even own any
DO:
1. Get dirty
2. Bathe occasionally
3. Order an extra side of meat with whatever your eating
4. Address skinny guys by there real name (Skinny Guy)
5. Have an opinion
6. Hunt
7. Shave your head if you”re going bald (just let it go)
Don”t: Feelings.
I like Stinky”s Nuts… no, Stinkynuts” list.
Do:Grunt and Snarl
Don”t:Elliptical Machines
DO: go commando.
5’6 139 (weight PR!)
Broke 200 pounds on the squat, next goal is 225 (2 plates!)
BS 5×3 @203
SP 5×3 @80
DL 5×1 @193
Pants PR, I ripped a pair of jeans last Saturday while out running errands. No children tossing to report.
PR”s:
Squat: 350×1
Bench: 250×1
Deadlift: 425×1
70”s big.
Do”s:
– Steak and Eggs
– Pulling Trucks
– Flipping tires
– Moving heavy sh*t
– Oly Shoes
Don”ts:
– Abzz
– ellipticals
– swiss balls
– Infomercial fitness Equipment
– Driving a Prius
– Hand lotion
– Running Shoes
PR”s
Deadlift – 500lbs
Jerk – 225lbs
Squat – 295
weight – 235
Height – 6”
Been allover the place thanks to work/social this week, so not eating enough/sleeping enough = no PR for me
…..unless you count a “being a pussy” PR
Do”s
Press Women (Surprised this isn”t on already)
V8 Engines
Don”t
Sandals
BOSU Balls
Any pants that end below knee and above ankle
Do: Press women overhead
Do: The Allman Brothers Band
Do: Lift in a belt
I would not want to over do it on the bands to include but the Allman Brothers have become my favorite to train to and I”ve got to believe Doug Young was a fan…
@StillGrowing
I have to disagree about the sandals. I think $3 sandals from Wal-Mart have to be allowed.
In Texas, when it is 100+ degress for 4-5 months, I want as little on my body as possible.
I”m not condoning expensive, fancy, 90”s Small sandals, but cheap, basic bear bones sandals need to be OK.
Squat: 3 x 5 @ 122.5kg, my old 1RM last time I checked it.
Pr””s
Squat : 137KG 3×5
Bench : 99Kg
Tabata BB Curls score 10 with the bar :)
Justin,
Can I still be 70””s big if I meet the Do criteria but still look like a male model?
Don’t make me sick Welbourn and Max on you.
–Justin
Deadlift 5RM @ 385
The only ones that should be added are:
Do – aviators
Don”t – light beer. Seriously. Never. I”m British and when I was in the US I couldn”t believe how many guys drink light beer. Its just not beer OK.
Squat – 140kg x 3. Easy
Ripped jeans yesterday. Annoying but dammit I”m getting 70s Big!
we had a little PL meet at our gym last sat. 3/13/10
PR”s
BS=500
BP=340
DL=500
we had about 20 lifters participate in this…this is important because all of them except for me are crossfiters that finally found some sense ( i really am in the group, but never was very good at CF haha)
BW pr 195 mid-day, 189 on rising. Almost an adult male at 5”10. Haven”t had any strength prs for like 2 weeks, worksets for anyone curious:
Deadlift 325×5
Squat 255x5x3
Bench Press 197.5x5x3
Press 120x5x3
Powerclean 145x3x5
Big time box squat PR (10 inch box): 515×1 @ 204 lbs bodyweight. Broke old PR by 40 lbs.
Squat: 265×8
Bench: 165×12
Deadlift: 295×10
Press: 125×8
Second week of 531….that”s why the weights are a little low/reps a little high.
My gym has those damn “stop sign plates”. Hate ”em. At least we have some Ivanko kilo plates and bumpers, too.
I”ll reiterate my PR”s from my meet last Saturday since I”ve been recovering from it most of this week, thus nothing heavy.
(All raw)
Squat: 441 (PR in no knee wraps)
Deadlift: 529 (belt only PR)
Total: 1,279
Zeppelin and Chicago are fine choices. May I suggest another band? Though they”re contemporary, the chugging bluesy riffs and gruff oaky vocals of Clutch do a good job of bringing the concept of unapologetic man-ness to a sonic reality, especially since they ride in the rhythm of a throwback Bonham-inspired groovster in JP Gaster. Anything after their eponymous ”95 album is pure gold. Listening to Clutch makes me think of cigar smoke and beards, leather boots with spurs and big rigs, beat-up guitars with slides made from glass bottles, and the like. Plus the lyrics are hilarious.
Check out “Blast Tyrant” for a good intro album.
Sorry, that went a bit long.
It”ll be worth it though.
PR”s for the week:
BW: 192 (6 ft. tall)
Squats: 280 3×5
Read Rip”s article “Active Hip 2.0”. Helped a ton, especially the bit about pushing the knees out.
@ Edward Stedman
Sounds A-Okay to me, I”m in Canada and wear steel toe boots for about half the year, sandals are never needed here, yet I still see male persons (not men) wearing birkenstocks and the like in the middle of winter.
haven”t gain weight. had some serious insomnia. its gone, thankfully, after 3 days of no sleep and 2 days of shallow sleep.
PRs:
3 nights with no sleep
130kg squat for 5 (highest I got is 150kg for 1)
long time follower first time poster.
PR”s
BW weight 10lbs 180
Bench Press 215x 3
225@6”1””
PRs:
Deadlift-500lb x 1
Press- 205lb x 1
DO:
GAS GUZZLER
DRINK YOUR OWN BLOOD
SCARE METROSEXUALS
BREAK STUFF
SHIT ON YOURSELF
DONT:
GAS MILEAGE
BE SANITARY
FEEL EMOTIONS OTHER THAN HATE
GO QUITE AS FAR AS GAY BASHING
Hey man, take it easy.
–Justin
Shit on yourself?
–A.C.
At the risk of exile, am I the only one that thinks these lists are gay?
The only PR I care about this week is the 3 grandpa burgers (3 patties each) and litre of milk I ate/drank in 10 minutes. Victory.
Caps lock was probably overboard. Sorry.
@milesdyson…
There”s a difference between 70”s Big and just being plain angry at the world…
only complaint – under armour compression shorts can be extremely helpful for squatting.
Don”t: Comply to guidelines in order to appease someone”s box definition of manhood.
@ Captain Ronn
My impression is that it”s meant to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Just think of it as a cheeky grassroots lash-back at the current fitness-culture/pop-culture trend of self-absorbed androgynous metrosexual vanity. It”s taken a little overboard (though not by much, IMO) for the sake of driving the point home.
I think (hope).
Do: play edward 40 hands
Don”t: vomit from drinking (handle your liqour ffs)
PR”s this week:
Squat: 275×10
Deadlift: 405×1
Bench: 225×1
I already had a 70”sbig meal today since it”s my b-day, I”ll also be drinking real beer, no light bullshit.
Squat PR from last Saturday”s meet: 231
Don”t s (for Women):
Wear make-up to the gym
Use the pink DB”s
Be afraid that lifting will make you all “bulky”
Don”t: Low Fat Food
This gets rid of skim milk, snack-wells, and other travesties.
PR
Chins: bw x 8 @ bodyweight 220
Jerk: 155 (lbs) x 3
P. Snatch: 100 (lbs) x 3
@JC,
IDK, I went and did some training in England while I was in the Army, and imagine my surprise when I walked into the bar on base and every little 19 year old British soldier was drinking Coors Light! I thought that was strange. I don”t do light beer myself. Partial to Shiner.
PR”s this week are from our gyms power meet last Saturday.
BS 370
BP 265
DL 460
all pr”s but was kinda disappointed. Wanted more. Bad day I guess. And don”t let Brent fool ya. We were once lost, but have found our way.