CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES

Mongol General: Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life?
Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair.
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
Mongol General: That is good! That is good.

We all know the quote well and good. But do you UNDERSTAND it? Do you GET it?
I DON’T THINK YOU DO.

No, it just doesn’t mean you try to win. No, it just doesn’t mean you try to do your best. You go out there, and you find that fucking dog!

You aren’t supposed to just have another day, walking in circles. Nay, good sir, you step to the challenge of the day, kick in the door, toss a flash bang, sweep your sectors and put two precision rounds in the brain or heart of that THING, that fucking THING, that stands in the way between you and success.

CHOP YOUR FEET — that fullback is comin’, he’s comin’, he’s gonna meet you in the hole. WHO’S GONNA WIN? YOU OR HIM? WHO’S GONNA GET LOWER? BLOW THAT ISO UP, SON!

Hmm, what I’m trying to say is that when your horse isn’t doing his job because he catches the scent of a mare in heat, you un-sheath your glistening broad sword and CUT HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF. Wait, no, that doesn’t explain it.

Arnold voice:
There are doubters, naysayers. They say that you shouldn’t break the rules. They say you should be afraid to fail. You can’t always win, but don’t be afraid of making decisions. Believe in yourself to keep pushing. NEVER LISTEN TO “YOU CAN’T”. ONLY LISTEN TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU SAY “YES, YOU CAN.” Muhammad Ali was once asked, “How many sit-ups do you do?” He said, “I don’t count my sit-ups, I only start counting when it starts hurting, because that’s when it really counts. That’s what makes you a champion.” Someone out there is working harder, and someone out there is getting smarter. They are winning. Just remember that. SLEEP FASTER, I WOULD RECOMMEND, AUUGHHHAUUGHHHH!

What is it that you want to do? What is it that you want to accomplish? What the FUCK is standing in your way? Why are you letting it stop you? The 500 pound squat? The dream job? WHAT EXACTLY IS STOPPING YOU FROM DOING IT? A horde of 10,000 Uruk-Hai, no less. Better to just sit this one out, right? After all, it’s safer. Oh, uh, excuse me sir? Kindly leave. Because WE’RE BUSY SHARPENING OUR SWORDS!

You will have to fight every god. damn. inch. You are all on your own. You will be beaten bloody. You will hang by a thread. But in that moment when you think you are too weak to continue, when you lie in a handful of dust, and when you have all but given up hope…you will rise. You will grit your teeth. You will clench your fists. And you will continue fighting. Because it’s too easy to die.

So, c’mon you apes! You wanna live forever?

37 thoughts on “CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES

  1. THIS JUST GOT ME SO MOTIVATED TO GO TEACH MY KIDS ABOUT HOW A BILL BECOMES A LAW – IM GONNA TEACH THE SHIT OUT OF IT AND IM GONNA MAKE MY KIDS ENJOY IT, TOO.

  2. I WANT TO SQUAT TWICE MY BODY WEIGHT BEFORE MY 21st BIIRTHDAY. I WILL SUCCEED.
    This has got me so psyched for tomorrows squats.
    Im going to go out buy some chocolate milk and a big steak on my meager student loan and wolf that shit down.

    I have no doubt that the squats will be harder than last times that were already the hardest thing i have done in a gym. I’m probably going to have to grind from the 2nd rep but i am going to grind with all the force i have.

    Superbia in Proelio.

  3. Hard work requires hard recovery. I don’t have the steroids to recover like Arnold for the “sleep faster” part in his keys to success.

  4. This is a great quote, especially the auughhhahh part at the end. Mel from the DC seminar korean bbq did a great arnold voice that kept us stitches that night. In all seriousness I take his sleep faster axiom to heart and sometimes it sucks to get out of bed before 6, got to work for 10 hours and then hit the gym on 7 hours or less of sleep, but in reality what else is there. sleep faster bitches

  5. Great post! Along those lines – “There comes a time when a man must spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats.”

  6. Messenger Boy : The Thessalonian you’re fighting, he’s the biggest man I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t want to fight him.

    Achilles : That is why no one will remember your name.

  7. For some reason I am reminded of my sophomore year in high school when a buddy of mine and I were pumped because we just finished a set of 190 on the bench which represented bodyweight for us. One of the varsity football coaches responded by saying “it will be impressive when you do double bodyweight.” It absolutely destroyed our moment mid ego stroke. But being naive and ambitious we immediately reset our goal to doing double body weight bench presses. I know that I have never even come close, but I like the bigness of the goal. Also, who the fuck is benching double body weight in high school?

  8. I used to have the quote:
    “Mongol General: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?
    Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.”
    in the footer to emails I sent out (I’m in the USMC). One day I was told to remove it or I’d be forwarded for sexual harrassment as an advocate for rape. I was all like “SRSLY?”

  9. Also I would like to note the Conan quote, is a direct ripoff of the original Temujin aka Genghis Khan quote

    “The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters”

    also if you dig reading badass books about Genghis Khan i HIGHLY recommend the book

    “Genghis Khan and the making of the modern world.”

    its a historical novel covering temujin (this was his real name) life growing up and all the shit he did up until his death. SOLID book filled with tons of facts and describes his life accurately.

  10. Patrick, thank you for the reading suggestion! I just finished the Star Wars book Darth Plagious and I was looking for a new read. What do all the folks think about putting together a 70sbig recommended reading list together? I am always looking for new books to read and some of the suggestions on this site have been great. I have some great suggestions as well.

    Hey Justin, have fun at the Arnolds

  11. @PatrickStroup I’m 25 and graduated high school in 2004. I wrote one of my final english papers on it. We could read any biography we wanted. It was an easy choice!

  12. Unrelated – what would you say to abolishing the term “weight lifting”, in favor of either “lifting weights” or “weightlifting”, depending on which you are talking about? Otherwise is too ambiguous.

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