Where were you?

[spoiler show=”Show info about the Arnold Sport Festival”]We’re less than a month out from the Arnold Sports Festival (site), and I wanted to go over some things. First, quite a few of us from 70’s Big will be in attendance including me, Brent, Chris, Mike, and Mike’s brother Alex (unfortunately AC won’t be able to make it). Second, I hope that many of you come to the event because a) it’s the world’s greatest sport celebration and festival and b) we can meet and hang out. Third, we’ll be staying at the University Plaza hotel. Rooms are getting booked up, but we have a few reserved that we may not need, so we can coordinate that if you wanted to stay at that hotel.

Fourth, there are tons of awesome events to see including professional boxing on Thursday night (we intend to go to that), raw powerlifting on Friday, single ply geared lifting (NAPF/IPF rule) on Saturday, USAW Senior Nationals on Friday and Saturday (doubles as Olympic trials), amateur and professional strongman, arm wrestling, pro deadlift competition on Saturday (this is what happens), CrossFit, and some other stuff like fencing, table tennis, and martial arts. This doesn’t even include the expo, which will have hundreds of booths of people trying to sell us mostly stupid stuff with scantily clad women. There may be some interesting products, but my interviews will be more interesting. I really can’t imagine a cooler weekend to round-house kick you in the face.

You are all welcome to hang out or wander around with us. I think the easiest way to stay in touch on what we’re doing is to use Twatter, so I’ll update our happenings there. That way we can share information or plan meet-ups like dinner or bowling. The bowling alley is where I’ll tell you to go if I don’t want to hang out with you: “Yeah, just meet us at the bowling alley at 8. If we’re not there on time, just hang out and we’ll be there.” I hope all of you northeastern readers will get to Columbus so that I can tell you to go to the bowling alley.

Oh, not to mention all of the actual bodybuilding stuff going on. I’ve never seen a bodybuilding show before, and this is the second biggest show of the year in the world. Shawn, Brent, and I got tickets to see that, so that’ll be interesting. Note that some events require ticket purchase, and the expo tickets are pretty cheap (10 to 15 doll hairs). In any case, it’ll be a lot of fun, and I’ll be so excited I’ll be helicoptering my wiener around, like, constantly.

Note that you will want to get expo tickets before the event. The total cost of the weekend expo pass including fees is $32.55. Otherwise it’ll be at least $13.50 per day. If you’re only going to go to Friday/Saturday expo, then it would be cheaper to get two one-day passes. Note that there is no expo on Thursday.[/spoiler]

I’d like to talk to you about an event on Saturday morning at the Arnold Sport Festival. But first, let’s go back in time.

1992. A leap year designated the “International Space Year” by the UN. A year that included American President George. H.W. Bush vomiting into the lap of Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa before fainting at a state dinner in Japan. It was a glorious year; I was six years old. The previous year the Atlanta Braves lost the 1991 World Series to the Minnesota Twins in a season when the went “from worst to first”. They were back in the playoffs in 1992, and it all came down to the final game of the NCLS against the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Braves rallied from being down 2-0 in the bottom of the 9th inning of game seven. Things were TIGHT.

Fast forward to two outs, with two runners on. David Justice, who is known for banging Halle Berry, was on third, and Sid Bream, who was known for his mustache and being the slowest fucking runner in the universe, much less Major League Baseball, was on second. Bobby fucking Cox brought in another pinch hitter: Francisco Cabrera. Cabrera was in the minor leagues a few months before and had only batted about ten times before this. He was pretty much thinking, “Fuck.” Terry Pendleton, who is known for being a good hitter and having a giant ass, told him to “hit the ball over the short stop”. Apparently Pirates center fielder, Andy Van Slyke, told Barry Bonds, known to be an asshole, to play more shallow in left field. Bonds ignored him because he’s a fucking asshole.

On a 1-2 count, pitcher Stan Belinda, known for what is about to happen, threw a high fastball that Cabrera put over the short stop. Asshole Barry Bonds was too far back to field it, and David Justice easily scored. Then the unthinkable happened. The third base coach waved Sid Bream — the slowest fucking runner in the history of everything — to keep running to home plate. They had nothing to lose since the game was tied.

I’ll never forget what the next few seconds looked like. Sid Bream was running slower than a buried dead body. Seriously, this guy couldn’t beat Stephen Hawking in a foot race. Sid is running, and running…and fucking running. Asshole Barry Bonds’ throw comes into the plate. And Sid slides…AND BEATS THE TAG! THE CROWD AND ANNOUNCER GO APE SHIT! THE ATLANTA BRAVES ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES! HELICOPTER WIENER!


(Video)

This event would spark the Atlanta Braves decade long domination in the NL East, and it would also spark the last time the Pittsburgh Pirates ever had a winning season. Barry Bonds is still an asshole.

To this day, people in Atlanta still say, “Where were you when Sid slid?” It was a magical moment for Braves fans. And here is where our story comes full circle. Donny Shankle is set to lift at 10:00 AM on Saturday, March 3rd at the Arnold Sport Festival. Donny has grown into a legend in the small sport of Olympic weightlifting. He has persevered through a decade of training and finally — FINALLY — has a realistic shot at making the Olympic team. This website has directly supported Donny through generous donations that have allowed him to focus all of his efforts into training — and it’s paying off.

Donny has two chances to hit a total that will earn him the one male spot on the US Olympic team. Arguably his best shot is at Nationals since he will travel to Ohio instead of South America for the Pan American Championships a few weeks later. He’ll weigh in at 8 AM, so cutting weight won’t be as bad as lifting later in the day, and he won’t have to eat South American food (known to get lifter’s sick). The Arnold is probably the time that he will hit his qualifying total to go to the Olympics.

When that moment comes, and his bar is loaded to his third, and final, clean and jerk attempt…do you want to miss that moment? When he cleans the weight in his nonchalant style, when he finally dips and drives that bar up…do you want to miss that moment? When he locks the weight out and holds it triumphantly overhead, knowing that he just made the Olympic team — a lifter we as fans have directly supported — DO YOU WANT TO MISS THAT MOMENT?

Besides, you aren’t going to see him lift at the Pan American Championships and you aren’t going to see him lift at the Olympics in London. History will remember that defining moment when Donny Shankle, a respected and seemingly legendary character, hit a clean and jerk to put him into the Olympics. People will say, “Where were you when Shankle hit it?” Hopefully it’s more classy than that, but we will all remember that moment. Where will you be? Will you miss it?



[spoiler show=”Show reactions to this story”]When Jacob Tsypkin told me he didn’t think he could make it to the Arnold, I told him this story. He then replied and said, “Fuck. You.” He now has plans to attend.

When I told Jacob Cloud this story, he said (and I quote):

Jacob:
we’ll see what i can do
fine
im gonna go drown myself in the shower now
thanks for reminding me that my life is meaningless and full of empty
LATER MAN THANKS A LOT

[/spoiler]