Maslow must be bored as shit at work, because he always sends me pretty awesome links. He sent me a list of Top 30 Jacked NFL Players. I thought it was a decent list but it seems they were just looking at muscularity. Reggie Bush, for example, shouldn’t fucking be on the list.
Here are my impressions as I looked at the list:
– I bet standing next to Mike Sellers makes you feel small
– Bob Sanders is a good athlete, but I wouldn’t consider him to be jacked enough to make this list
– There aren’t really any lineman on here, especially D-lineman
– Quincy Black is fucking legit
– So is Clay Matthews, but when you’re black your muscles stand out, so I’ll put a picture of Quincy instead
– MJD is stout as fuck
– Who the FUCK is Igor Olshansky and whose dugan did he fondle to get on this list?
– Joey Porter is a queer. Didn’t he get stiff-armed by Kellen Winslow Jr. when Winslow had two gimp knees and Porter had shit-talked him all week?
– Adrian Wilson, absolute genetic freak
– Tim Hightower could be more impressive. He wouldn’t make my list.
– Connor Barwin would.
– So would James Casey, but that’s enough white players.
– I’ve always thought Ernie Sims was jacked. And a genetic freak.
– Brian Cushing wouldn’t make the list because he’s a dipshit.
– Brady Quinn? Are you fucking serious?
– Patrick Willis is a specimen, but he wouldn’t crack my top 15 (he’s 13 here). Where are all jacked D-lineman (not the fat guys, but the ones who are truly jacked)?
– Of course Peyton Hillis would be here, but it makes me sad because Pat Shurmur is a FUCKING idiot who had Colt McCoy throw the ball 61 FUCKING TIMES and ran Peyton only 10. Peyton will be on another team next year and will kick major ass. It makes me sad.
– Terrell Owens’ half-brother was on my high school team when I was a sophomore. My friends started a joke that my friend Ted slapped him and ran off. Everyone believed it and it was put in the yearbook. Other than that, TO is yawn.
– Reggie Bush in the top ten? This countdown is pathetic.
– Getting better with Brian Orakpo and Greg Jones. Jones is legit top ten.
– Adrian Peterson and Thomas Jones are not.
– LaRon Landry bought his arms on eBay.
– Vernon Davis no, Andre Carter yes. I still would want bigger in the top ten though.
– Thomas Clayton is dece, but #2? C’mon…
– Unfortunately Vernon Gholston doesn’t even qualify as being in the NFL right now. 700 pound squat wasted. But he is more of what I consider to be jacked.
Maybe we should make a list of top 30 yoked NFL players?