Bastion of Fitness

Happy PR Friday
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When Ellee and I went to do the trapeze thing last Friday, there were at least five women who either did marathons or triathlons. They were probably between the ages of 25 and 45 and were all frumpy. One of them was wearing a marathon shirt so one of the girls asked her how many she had done. When she said she had done 32, the girls were impressed, “Oh my goodness! Thirty-two! Wow!”. I rolled my eyes, scoffed, and shouted, “Nobody cares!” (the last two aren’t true).

The world still defines long slow distance events as the premise that defines fitness. This marathoner, this Bastion of Fitness, carried body fat and did not have a healthy complexion. Guess what happened next? When she hopped off the 35 foot high platform to swing on the trapeze and wrap her legs over the bar…she couldn’t. This BASTION OF FITNESS lacked the strength to pull her knees up and throw her legs over the bar to hang upside down. Pathetic, but more so sad.

The 70’s Big community does a pretty good job of not being elitist concerning other forms of training, and I’d like to keep it that way. However it still bothers me when an irrelevant event like marathons are placed on a pedestal. Maybe it’s because everyone can get in their car and drive 26.2 miles and say, “Wow, what if you had to run that?” I guess there really isn’t an opportunity to look at five hundred pounds and think, “What if I had to lift that?” For example, a heavier average male black bear found throughout the U.S. weighs about 500 pounds. If you see one, the first instinct isn’t to wonder if you could lift it. Or if you could out run it in order to survive (you can’t — they can run up to 25 to 30 mph).

This black bear is unimpressed

It’s pretty unacceptable to not be able to put your legs over a bar and hang upside down. It’s not that this event is particularly specific to any relevant act in life, but the ability to do it should be a base line athletic capability. It’s kind of like PT tests in the military: they shouldn’t be the extent of your physical ability (or the primary measure thereof), but instead should be a minimum capability that someone can do randomly if needed (it’d be better if the events were more specific and relative to the job itself, but that’s neither here nor there).

I honestly feel I could train for a short amount of time and do a marathon. It would fucking suck, but things like that are more of a mental challenge than a physical challenge. The previously mentioned BASTION OF FITNESS revealed that she did a marathon at the north pole. Immediately upon hearing that I wanted to do a weightlifting meet at the north pole. Then I remembered that the north pole is located in the middle of the fucking Arctic Ocean, therefore it’s not possible to claim that you have run a marathon there, much less visited.

I’m just unimpressed with the average marathoner or triathlete. This doesn’t mean I don’t respect the good ones. I have a friend who has been to the Boston Marathon, and we’ve participated in a 1.5 mile run. He fucking smoked me, and I did it in about 10 minutes. But for the average goober, running is not the mark of health, capability, and most importantly, athleticism. But neither is only being able to lift. Play sports, work on agility, sprint around, maintain mobility — do these things so that marathoners don’t have anything on you. Not to mention you’ll actually be able to participate in random trapeze sessions. And bears will high five you.

Edit: I still need to edit/upload Ellee doing the trapeze, but here is my vid.