I suppose all of you turncoat Americans think today is some kind of special, right? Well, you’re wrong. July 2nd, 1776 was the day that Congress actually voted for independence. John Adams even wrote a sweet letter that said, “Americans are gonna look back 200 years or so and think that this day was da bomb. They’ll shoot things in the air, drink a lot of ale, and eat ribs while shirtless because it’s so friggin’ American.” I think he showed his wife and gave her rump a nice friendly pat.

July 4th was the day that the Declaration of Independence was written, but it wasn’t actually signed until August 2nd. This is basically the same thing as making a big deal about the day Stephen King starts writing his new hit novel (about demons, spaghetti stains, and revolvers — I shit you not, this is in The Regulators) instead of the actual day it comes out. Speaking of which, A Dance With Dragons comes out on July 12th. The day Martin started writing it is irrelevant, but July 12th will make me wet at the tip.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy your day off. Or something. May Zeus, Odin, Apollo, the Warrior, and the old gods bless America.