Skinny Still Reigns

T-Bone linked this horrible article on facebook. Normally, I wouldn’t want such a website to get clicks from me, but you’ll have to see all the silly shit for yourselves.

Skinny-ass Gwyneth Paltrow

People call Tracy Anderson an “exercise genius”. Amendment: making people skinny, small, and weak makes you a torturous interrogator. Don’t they use the same techniques in third world countries? Barring sodomy or genital removal, this is one of the worst things you can do to someone.

And before any of you crazy assholes start ranting about how (allegedly) attractive Paltrow is, I will shut you up. When Gwynneth is on screen with other skinny people, you don’t see the relative skinniness. Also, the fact that she is on screen (TV, movie, your computer as you touch yourself, etc.) means that her value to you is elevated. Human beings are attracted to higher value targets. The combination of her screen time, your hand shandy time, and her standing next to other emaciated goons means that you think she’s more attractive than she already is. Okay, she has nice hair, I’ll give her that, but you or your girlfriend would too if you had millions of dollars and the best stylists available. The same goes for how someone’s face looks (makeup artists earn their money).

Haven’t you ever heard, “There is no such thing as ugly women, just lazy ones,”? In any case, any ol’ girl can be made into an attractive broad on screen via hair and makeup stylists. Paltrow is horribly skinny. And, if her nude body was lying underneath me, I’d look at it and say, “This could be better. I’m not impressed.” Those of you who disagree are either skinny yourselves, or just want to live out your hand shandy fantasy of banging someone you saw on screen.

Enough about Paltrown, I’m trying to make the point that Tracy Anderson is a terrorist. The author of the linked article has this to say about the diet:

Yet all this would have been bearable if it hadn’t been for the diet part of the regime. On the first week of the plan I’m only allowed to eat seven different foods, mostly blended…I don’t actually chew anything for a whole week.

What? I think Frank Abignale, Jr. ate better when he was a prisoner in France (and he was in a 5x5x5 cell with no waste disposal for his feces).

I am encouraged to weigh myself daily and measure my results with the ‘Tracy tape measure’ every ten days.

At first this made me feel quite uncomfortable but now I’m fanatical about my daily weigh-in and refuse to eat or drink anything until I know my weight first.

This sounds really fucking healthy.

Well, I’m no Gwynnie but since January I have lost a stone in weight and dropped from dress size 12 to 10. I am happier with my body than I have been for a long time. Those are the positives. On the downside I feel woozy and find it difficult to concentrate. At first I had loads of energy but now I’m always tired and am told I’m hor…ribly grouchy to boot. My skin is terrible and my nails are flaking and weak.


For the women reading this site: Keep getting stronger, ladies. And trust me when I tell you this: you are far more sexy and healthy than the dumb broads that follow the advice of terrorists like Tracy Anderson.