Monthly Archives: January 2010

Learn to cook

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“Winky Dinky Hocake. Cause hoes got to eat, too.”



(Good luck with that one)



I am not very creative with titles, so there you go. Learn to cook.



Cooking for yourself ensures that you get exactly what you need to get 70’s Big. It is also more cost effective than eating out and (hopefully) a hell of a lot cleaner. And it’s a useful skill to have. Modern man should know the difference between a Wok and a saucepan.



I realized early on that most girls my age weren’t spending much time in the kitchen and that if I wanted to keep eating well, I would have to feed myself. Fortunately my mom was (and still is) a good cook. She taught me the basics of cooking and how to make my favorite dishes. I learned a few more things over the years and, at some point, became a moderately competent cook.



So learn. That is all there is to it. Help your mom/wife/girlfriend/mistress/live-in-tranny. Watch a cooking show. Take a class. Do whatever you need to do to learn to cook. You would be surprised at how simple some of your favorite dishes are to make.



Your first assignment is an easy one. Make some Texas Chili this weekend. To help with this, Jacob Cloud has sent in a video. This video has everything: history, training, Texas beer, mild hazing, and skillet corn bread! Yes!



Here is his recipe list:
2 lbs course ground beef
2.5 lbs tri-tip, trimmed and cubed
1 can peeled whole tomatoes
1 can Rotel
1-2 minced jalapenos (more or less depending on how spicy you want it)
4-5 crushed/minced garlic cloves
1/2-1 cup chopped white onion
1/4-1/2 cup chopped cilantro
Lime juice from 1 large lime
Thickener (corn starch, masa, flour, etc)
6 pack of Texan beer



Chili Mix (all measurements heaping!):
2-3 tbsp chili powder
1+ tbsp cumin
1 tsp ancho chili powder
1 tsp chipotle chili powder
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp cayenne
1 tsp Mexican oregano leaves
1-2 tsp black pepper (to taste)
1-2 tsp salt (to taste)





Jacob notes that you can be a real man by adding some habanero peppers to the mix. You can also make JM Blakely happy by using MSG instead of salt (like they do in chili cookoffs).



So go forth and make chili. Then shove a 90’s small guy into a snow drift.



Happy eating.



Note: Andy Gann also provided a recipe that looks outstanding. This will be on the updated FAQ when I get to it this weekend.



Note: Yes, it’s PR Friday. Post weights lifted, gained, or consumed.


Video Montage

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“Hey, is that where they filmed Terminator 2?”

AC made a pretty sweet video montage of footage from his trip out here in December. That trip also coincided with Mike Hom visiting Wichita Falls, so we were one big happy family. In this video you will see different types of lifters with different training goals.

Texas Pt. 2 from A.C. on Vimeo.

Edit: I guess I’m okay with me sitting on the toilet as the video’s preview image…
Stay warm and train hard — tomorrow is PR Friday.

———-

I’ve never met Sage Burgener, but we have some mutual friends. Apparently she’s a cool gal, a weightlifter, a coach, and has a funky little blog where she reveals tips that she has picked up from her pops, Mike Burgener. More importantly, she likes the 70’s Big t-shirt.

sage

Poop Poop Poop Poop

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“Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!

It’s time to talk about poopin’.

Everyone Poops. It’s a book I read years ago in a store, and I couldn’t stop laughing hysterically. I for one enjoy the act of pooping, and I know many of you do to (my friend Chris is a HUGE fan of poopin’). I get a lot of reading done while I’m on the commode. I routinely call my mom while poopin’, and I’m sure to let her know every single time. Gettin’ work done when I’m gettin’ work done, I always say.

But alas! Start drinking lots of milk and eating lots of meat and you may run into problems when trying to enjoy your poop. Lots of milk can give you the runs, and lots of meat can give you the stops. Poopity poop, what can ya do? My friends, this is when supplementing fiber becomes a necessity for your poopin’ satisfaction.

On a side note, when you are skinny little pain in the ass who is trying to gain weight, you do NOT have time for vegetables. Sure, you can have some peas or corn with your taters and chicken fried steak, but they should not be getting in the way of filling your irritating concave abs with calories. ESPECIALLY if it is an artichoke. What is this Californian obsession with artichokes? You scrape some sludge off of a leaf and then dip it into “special sauce” to tolerate it. I don’t understand. And don’t get me started on the sparkling water ordeal (tap water is fine for me, darling Tara).

Ahem. Fiber supplementation is something that I think should be a part of any quest for 70’s Big. Poopin’ shouldn’t be traumatizing, it should, fun, easy, and enjoyable. One night when Mike Hom was here, he was rambling to me about two different kinds of fiber; one that was a bit softer, and another that just knocked all the garbage off the intestinal walls. Ptsh, which one did you think I was already taking? Yeah, the one that would promote healthy poopin’.

Enter Equate’s Natural Psyllium Husk Fiber:
IMG00175-20100105-1021

You can get this at Wal-Mart relatively cheap. All you have to do is get a few ounces of water, stir in a spoonful of the orange powder, drink it fast enough so it doesn’t solidify in your mouth, and BAM! Poopin’ made easy. My pal Brent says it tastes like orange Hi-C. Well, I don’t know about that, but I’ve had worse things in my mouth (don’t ask).

I’m really not interested in explaining what kind of fiber this is, but it will help make poopin’ more regular. It will make the runny poop un-runny and it will make the stoppy poop un-stoppy. Your poop will be normalized. Trust me. Especially if you are eating lots of food. Since there isn’t time for vegetables, supplementing the missing fiber will not only improve your time on the commode, but it will help keep your gut healthy.

I shouldn’t have to say this, but I know you guys will get out of hand: we don’t need any gratuitous poop stories in the comments. I do not want to hear about your poopin’ ailments, nor do I want to hear about the consistency, color, shape, or size of your poop. I do not want any pictures of videos of you, your poop, or anybody else’s. And I CERTAINLY do not want AC to talk about playing poopy dollar at the mall. I will not tolerate this, and we need to have standards, damn it.

The word poop has been used 26 times in this post, including this one.

Demonic Drivel Dynamically Defies Dudes

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“He’s fading. He needs Elvish medicine.”

You’re training hard, right? You go in the gym or garage, do stuff that is hard, and you feel better about yourself. Some times, you may not feel a little tired, but you think, “Man, I don’t want Mark Rippetoe or any of my friends on 70’s Big to call me a pussy, so I’ll train (choo choo) anyway.” And that’s how it goes.

Well, proceed with caution, my friends. Eventually that tired feeling may be a bit more than the “I’m sleepy blues”. You may actually have HIV, or some derivative thereof. Okay, maybe a little less severe, but you may be legitimately sick, and training may even exacerbate your condition.

The other day I had a PR on a sloppy snatch day (that never gets old). I got 127.5, and proceeded to miss 130 three times even though I racked it overhead each time. Later, I was pinned by a 155 kilo clean and was baffled (I’ve done 165 and front squatted 170 for a few triples after training the week before Christmas). Well, turns out I was in the beginning stages of having what I am convinced is some horrific ancient ailment, one that only Elvish medicine can cure. Saturday evening I was on my deathbed for 18 hours with a fever from hell, chills, and had aches and pains that were analogous to getting my ass kicked by fourteen hoodlums that looked like Doug Young.

There were a few hours on Saturday where I felt like I could actually train, but I didn’t because I was busy coaching. Had I done so, it probably would have left me worse off than I eventually was on Saturday evening. Furthermore, I thought I was just having a shitty training session on Thursday, but it was actually the development of the devilish disease that dawned demonically with dastardly defiance.

You will learn through time what the difference is between a sniveling cold that you can train through and dark magic. Accept the fact that you may not know this difference right now, and take caution when you feel a bit under the weather. If you suspect that training will make your condition worse, you have my permission to take the day off. Be careful out there…the world can be a dangerous place.

———-

Do you guys remember that picture of Yosh, the dude who deadlifted 480 at a body weight of 165? Well he weighs 182 now. Partly because he ate 8 McDoubles at once. Jesus, I know. It was 3,120 calories and 176 grams of protein. Nice job, Yosh. You set the bar.

It would have been better if he wrote that in with a marker

8 McDoubles


Chicken Fried Awesome

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I hope everyone had a good holiday and is ready to climb back under a bar. As promised, here is some more footage on how to prepare a simple version of an outstanding 70’s Big offering from Texas.

The finished product.

The finished product.

Chicken fried steak is a piece of tenderized steak that is coated in seasoned flour, pan fried, and served with cream gravy (Yankees screw this part up and serve it with brown gravy or, ketchup, which is even worse). It is similar to Wiener Schnitzel (VEE ner!) and was brought to the promised land by German immigrants. Historians guess it originated in Bandera, but I’d like to think that some Texan from New Braunfels sopped his biscuit with gravy outside of the saloon at Gruene and claimed the dish as his own.

CFS has amazing utility. Like pizza or fried chicken, it can be eaten any time of day. It can also be combined with most of the things it is served with. Drag a bit of CFS through your gravy mashed potatoes. Make a breakfast sandwich with fried potatoes and toast. It’s all good.

There are a lot of regional variations and personal touches you can add to the best recipes. What I’m showing you is a very simple recipe that will have your guests licking their fingers and asking for more.

You’ll need:
* tenderized cubed steaks
* flour
* seasoning (S&P are fine)
* eggs
* milk
* cooking oil (vegetable is fine)
* potatoes

The first video talks you through the prep and putting it in the pan. The second is a quick mid-cook check. The third video goes into making gravy and mashed potatoes. Timing is crucial here because you want everything to be served hot. Sorry for the length. I hope they’re helpful.

The plan is to eventually expand the FAQ into more general matters and include a video recipe section in the nutrition part. Submissions are welcome so long as the recipe promotes strength. There will be a link to new videos from the main page article, so don’t worry about your fine work going unnoticed. Happy eating.

Edit: I want your help in closing out the Texas Three Step. I’m talking about BBQ, CFS, and chili. I’ve done two, and I want to get y’all involved. Send me a recipe or a clip [gantgrimes@gmail.com], and we’ll get it on the site. It can be measured to the teaspoon, or you can ballpark it like me (but remember chili’s heritage…). No beans, please.

Edit 2: Casa Manana in Wichita Falls has a dish called chili steak, where two piece of greatness are combined. It features TWO chicken fried steaks (floured but not battered) covered with chili con carne and cheese. It’s served with the mandatory red taco.

Edit 3: This comes from the late great Jerry Flemmons of Fort Worth, “As splendid and noble as barbecue and Tex-Mex are, both pale before the Great God Beef Dish, chicken fried steak. No single food better defines the Texas character; it has, in fact, become a kind of nutritive metaphor for the romanticized, prairie-hardened personality of Texans.”

That brings a tear to my eye.