Yolk

So I was in Ironworks last Tuesday and one of the coaches said I looked skinny with my new hair cut. Most likely due to the fact I havent been able to train cause of my surgery, so I started to do the neck machine. Ya know, forward, sides, and back. It was the first time I did the neck machine in like 4 years. I was on the tail end of my workout when the girls tennis team came in to start their workout. I was gonna finish mine with the neck machine. I already felt awkward doing it because I was shy about it. So I start. I notice one of the tennis girls is looking at me. In my head I said “God dammit”. She proceeds to say “Um WhaT Is ThAt GUy DoINg?!?!”

“THatS WeirD”

In my head again I was like FUCKING GOD DAMMIT. The whole tennis team proceeds to turn their heads and look at me. It was like vvvvwwwoooosh as all their little heads rotated towards me. The girl who was coaching them said thats the neck machine. I sat there as they all stared at me and I was like (real quietly) “Yeah, . . . its . . . the neck machine . . . ”

So anyways they start their workout and the GHD is right in front of the neck machine and some girls are near me. One girl says “LIke Why ARe YoU DoINg That?” “BIg NEcks On GUyS ARE GRosSE”

I had to refuse to say “Well it looks like we aren’t fucking then”

I gave her this real vague explanation on why I was doing them. I didnt wanna say, well coach Howard said I look skinny and now I am self conscious. Later on that night . . .

I was at work and its Dollar Daquiri night. Very Popular. I was doing cover at the door and I glance up and its two of the tennis girls. I hear them giggle. Again I say to myself God Dammit. I hear them say “IS ThAT ThE NECk GuY?!?!?!”

They proceed to giggle. I proceed to hate my life. I would def fuck the shit out of both of them though. Huge neck and all.

1/26/12
Bench: 295x5x3
Press: 195×3/205×3/215×3
Front/Side/Bent Laterals: 30’sx10x3 Superset

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15 Comments.

  1. I can feel the ackwardness.. You should pick up a neck harness and proceed to get yoked at your house, while taking a shit. That’s a great time to get some neck work in. Those bitches need to realize men have necks, boys look like bieber. If you had a neck like this http://twentytwowords.com/2011/12/22/5-of-the-thickest-necks-in-the-nfl/ you would have to hire a lifeguard to work at the bar because bitches would drowned they’d be so wet…

    lol they need to get flood insurance.
    –A.C.

  2. “Well it looks like we aren’t fucking then”
    Hahahaha, LOL’ed hard at this post 🙂

    It annoys the fuck out of me when people are staring. At my gym we have a weightlifting room that is seperated by windows. In front of one of the squat racks there is a GHR, and there is always a dumb fuck that is staring right at you when you’re doing squats. Often I try to death stare them in the eye. Am I the asshole or they?

    It gets awkward when they stare man and don’t worry, they are the assholes.
    –A.C.

  3. Does Agnes like a thick neck? Cuz that’s all you gotta worry about. (Like you need me to tell you this)

    Also, your random capitalization completely captures the sound of how college girls talk.

    I think she uses me for certain parts of my body anyways so I guess it doesn’t matter how big my neck is.
    –A.C.

    • I’m just going to assume that you mean she uses your quads to move things around the house.

      Yeah . . . Quads . . . (Shifty Eyes)
      –A.C.

  4. LOL. The random capitalization made this post. Also I am mega fucking jealous you have a 4 way neck machine. I just have a scrub ass neck harness. 🙁

    There are plenty of BW exercises you can do. We used to do a lot when I wrestled.
    –A.C.

  5. Hey Neck Guy,

    I died LOLing reading this post, all the girl quotes I repeated in a valley girl voice.

    I am pretty sure that’s what they know me by now
    –A.C.

  6. I’m not that experienced with American accents, so I think I read the randomly capitalised girls like they were borderline psychotic, or at the very least out of their minds on coke.

    Love the ‘I guess we’re not fucking then.’ Will try to use that at work. On a guy, for variety.

    Imagine some girl chewing gum and trying to talk. It’s roughly the same thing
    –AC.

  7. Let’s be real though – being the neck guy is not terrible, certainly better than being the guy that produces some dece’ juicy farts while squatting.

    Which I definitely was, for a long time, before I figured out what I could and could not eat before lifting. I swear it’d be easier to work out in a gym that caters to the fat men in rubber suits crow rather than the smoking hot women in yoga pants crowd.

    So you’re that asshole that leaves nasty farts on the platform huh?
    –A.C.

  8. this was a very funny story. There’s this kid at my college that wears a fucking bathrobe every day to class. Doesn’t matter if it’s winter or summer, always a fucking bathrobe. He’s known as “the robe guy.” I swear to you he’s the most famous student on campus without a doubt.

    My point is. you gotta make your mark somehow in life. You gotta make people know you. “The Neck Guy” is not a bad gig. Be him. Explore his space. Do different neck exercises next time. Maybe get a neck tattoo. The Tennis team will talk. “The neck guy is back!” “you know, the neck guy ain’t so bad” “hey, go tell the volleyball team to come check out the neck guy.” “no, the neck guy is OURS.” “omg. you’re right. I LOVE the neck guy.”

    A. I would kill to see this robe guy
    B. I thoroughly enjoyed the second paragraph
    –A.C.

  9. next time you see said females AC you should take pics of them and post them here. You know so I may or may not masturbate to them.

  10. LeonidasfromSparta

    I lol’d a lot reading this. Great story.

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