Friday Failboat 3

Guess I need a new theme day for the blog.

I was filling my gas tank after work Tuesday afternoon and hadn’t had carbs for about 15 hours, in addition to having not slept as much as I should have. Was thinking about eating chicken schawarma pre-workout (it was good). After I finished I got in the car and started bumping Arty and Mat Zo – Mozart.

Picture that for a moment. The image is important to this story. A piece of shit Asian-American with a stupid haircut wearing scrubs WHO DOESN’T EVEN LIFT, driving a Nissan his parents bought for him bumping some stereotypical techno.

As I turn into the street I hear a car honk, and I figure it wasn’t necessarily at me since I haven’t pulled out in front of anyone and hadn’t made any aggressive or crazy driving maneuvers. So I get to the stoplight and I’m sitting there just chilling to repetitive base and synthetic noises.

I see a flash of red in my rearview mirror and when I look over I see boxers, jeans, and a white t-shirt, then a hand reaching for my car. My initial thought is great, I’m about to get fucking mugged, welp it was nice knowing everyone, and then I realize that while this person’s hand is on my car, it’s not trying to get the door open. He’s screwing my gas cap closed. I had left it open after filling up my tank. Even goes through the courtesy of closing the gas tank hatch.

I turn and wave my thanks, already feeling like a real asshole. He gets in a car on the passenger side, and I see the driver’s face, some punk fucking 17 year old high school kid looking back with utter disgust. Like, not just “man, what a dumb kid” disgust, this fucking asshole was thinking, “man, I hope he fucking kills himself and I hope the last thing his family remembers about him is his bloodied corpse lying in its own waste while larvae crawl out of his eye sockets.” This fucking kid was thinking, “stereotypical Asian driver.”

Wanted to say, HEY ASSHOLE, I GUESS YOU’VE NEVER MADE A FUCKING MISTAKE BEFORE, GUESS YOU’VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING STUPID IN YOUR LIFE, HAVE FUN WITH YOUR FUCKING FINALS SHITHEAD BRB I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, MUST SUCK TO HAVE ALL THAT INNOCENT HOPE FOR THE FUTURE, YOU’RE GONNA ENJOY IT WHEN YOUR BELIEFS AND IDEALS AREN’T RECONCILED IN THE REAL WORLD. Instead I turned up the music and drove off.

* * *

Snatched up to 230lbs this week, squat 375lbs for 5, 2, 3, 3, pressed 170lbs for four singles and a double. Front squat 315lbs x 3 and 330lbs x 2 today.

It feels like I’m getting more comfortable starting with lower hips for the snatch and clean. I should probably record myself and see what it actually looks like.

Terrible writes:

Intoxicating aroma, firm texture, rich in natural oils.

An excellent post.

I loled at this review, is it a meme?

Anthony writes:

Doesn’t look that great? Are you a Nazi?

Haven’t liked almost any of the movies based on Marvel Comics. X-Men: First Class looks good, haven’t seen it yet. Didn’t like Iron Man. Don’t know what you want from me.

Becky writes:

hey brent. i taught brad some of the ankle magic you taught me.

Did Brad care?

Chris E. writes:

brent – please make your failboats a regular staple in your weekly posts, I thoroughly enjoy them.

Keep blogging about my life on a regular basis? That’s kind of inherent in blogging, Chris. Sure, I’ll keep letting you guys know how my day went.

Leave a comment ?

40 Comments.

  1. Not a meme, as far as I know. Maybe someday?

  2. I enjoyed this post. Keep failing.

  3. Did you write TV Girl’s It Evaporates?

    what can you do
    when a girl doesn’t like you?
    you can steal a lock of her hair
    and try your luck …
    you can sigh, you can pin
    the petals off the flower
    and when that doesn’t work
    you can just cry in the shower
    and the tears
    circle round the drain
    they’ll flow through the pipelines
    and then drift out to the sea
    then they’ll get whipped up by breeze

    and evaporate

  4. Brent have you seen the movie 5 Centimeters Per Second?
    The main character is a piece of shit beta asian just like you.

  5. As I was reading this about your driving failboat, I of course instinctively think as soon as I heard you were driving a Nissan…’o god this is going to be a crazy Asain, hands in the air, driving incident.’ ORRRRRRRRRRRRR it was going to be just like one of the scenes with an Asian dude in the Fast and Furious series. Coin toss. Sounds like you read that kid’s mind pretty much exactly.

    It’s ok…we all have those moments.

    At work they’re playing like Buzz Cuts Sirus radio or something, it’s awful. So much Puddle of Mudd. Your blog highlights my entire day (no homo).

  6. “I realize this isn’t Friday, go fuck yourself. ”
    Made me think of this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0175G7XcxcA

  7. I have never forgotten to close my gas tank lid. It’s called being in the moment and/or paying attention to what you’re doing. The kids were right.

  8. Brent,
    do you like pizza?
    :?:

  9. Brent, how is your cardio or do you only lift dick jelly weights?

  10. Brent………I know your site’s has been down…but we’re all anxiously waiting your Friday Failboat from last week.

  11. Brent, I’m sitting here doing shit on the computer, and someone knocked on the neighbor’s door. Of course this means that Corporal Leda has to run through the fucking apartment barking like AQ is outside our door.

    I told her to go to her bed, and she did. She was sitting there, leaning forward, staring at the door. She let out a short “ruff”. I looked at her and said, “Leda,” she looked at me, “Shut the fuck up.”

    Then she walked into the other room to lay down in her cage.

  12. Brent how much D-bol should I take?

  13. Hey Brent,

    Do you know of some good gyms near UT Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas? I am going to be in Dallas for 10 weeks this summer. The criteria are as follows:

    1. Within 5 miles of UT Southwestern
    2. Has bumper plates
    3. Has open gym (I know some crossfits only teach classes)

  14. Brent,

    I is depressed you haven’t posted even though it’s been two weeks since I checked. Plz respond.

  15. Dearest Brent,

    It’s been over two weeks…Brent I want to hear another bathroom door unlocked dump story…something. Don’t forget all your fans Brent.

    Sincerely,
    -Concerned Chris

  16. Silentmachinery

    Hey Brent,

    Please rank the following on-air television shows in order of their CURRENT watchability (i.e. quality of current episodes):

    The Simpsons
    South Park
    Archer
    Workaholics
    Mad Men
    Breaking Bad
    The Walking Dead
    Game of Thrones
    Boardwalk Empire
    Community

  17. goethephuckurself

    Get the shovels, boys. This blog is dead.

    • this blog was dead on arrival.

    • Silentmachinery

      MY guess is Brent watched Justin’s “The Stick” video, and his mind was sucked into a black hole of homoerotic mobility (homoberotic?) poems whence it will not return.

      • No shit, I started watching that video (oh hey Justin is talking about mobility, should be interesting and no I’m not being sarcastic) but the non-intentional homosexuality of a dude getting rubbed with a stick by another dude made me feel uncomfortable and I turned it off within a few seconds.

  18. Where’s Friday Failboat 5?

  19. Brent, are you just mad that Frank Yang is a better self-loathing artist than you, y/n?

  20. It’s true.

  21. i must post a link to your page, from mine, if you dont mind, please reply, thank you

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