Blight

Last night I was working the door.

Some big big with his Asian girlfriend walk up. It’s 2:45. We stop serving at 2:30. The lights come on at 2:30. By 3:00 we have everybody out and we are sweeping.

He tries to walk through me. I respond by lightly touching his chest and saying “I’m sorry, but we are closed”. He responds by chuckling and saying “Nah dude I’m coming in”. I repeat myself. I am being very polite. His Asian girlfriend is appalled. She also says “We ARE coming in”. I apologize once more and say “I’m sorry, but we don’t let people in after 2:30. We aren’t serving and we are about to get everybody out”.

He tries to use his size to intimidate me. He is easily 6’4 250+

He says that he knows the owner (there are like 6 btw). I say “I can’t let you in I am sorry”. He tells me to go get the owner. I remind him that I can’t leave my spot and that he is just going to have to call him. He laughs. Once more he tells me to go get him. I repeat myself.

He then tells me to go get the manager, but he is inside bartending. He says that he knows I am doing my job and he understands that, but I need to let him in. I let him know that his statement doesn’t make sense and if he knows that I am doing my job he also knows I can not let him in.

We repeat this cycle for about 2 more minutes. This whole time I have my hockey mask on. He then tells me to take it off so he can see who he is talking to and so that I can look at him like a man. I take it off. He laughs when I do. As if this is supposed to mean I am ugly? I KNOW that’s false. I want to tell him he looks like a milk-dud. I don’t. We maintain eye contact when I take my mask off. He says “O it’s like that huh?” as if I am supposed to be again intimidated. I am not worried. What is he going to do? Beat me up to get into a bar? He is huge. Chances are he would have hurt me. Chances are he knows this and can’t afford to do so.

He then asks for one more guy that works there and I tell him AGAIN that I am sorry that I can’t let him in. He is flustered on his phone trying to text anyone he can.

Eventually he just goes around back and walks in. I can’t leave my spot so I am not going to chase him around. He goes to some of the other employees and complains that I am an asshole and that I am a piece of shit. My friend who bartends tries to mediate and let him know I am a nice guy etc. He introduces us. His name is **Guy**. I give him a half assed handshake. My friend is an awesome guy. He just didn’t want any drama. Apparently though I needed to know who this guy was. He is an owners friend. THAT’S IT. A friend. A guy who comes in with an entitled attitude and demands free shit and treats the staff (myself and the other bouncer) like crap. My friend owns this bar SO THAT MUST MEAN HIS EMPLOYEES KNOW WHO I AM. Your ego MUST BE SO FUCKING HUGE if you walk up to a stranger and say “DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM?”. There’s no fucking poster of faces in the back to tell us who is who. Not that this guy fucking matters. I tell the manager about it. He informs me that he appreciates that I do my job. He tells me not to worry about it. He shakes my hand and says thank you for doing the right thing.

It must be so fucking depressing to feel the need to be somebody. That guy had to keep his ego up by getting into a shitty dive bar that was past closing. I mean you must be such a fucking narcissistic loser to argue with a bouncer over getting in or not. One would think that if your friend owned a bar you would be cool to the staff and not try to intimidate the door guy that you don’t know.

Heres how it should have went:

Guy: Hey man whats up?
Me: Hey dude. Sorry, but we are closed.
Guy: That’s alright man. I understand. I’m actually close friend with “Owner”. My name is “Guy”. Nice to meet you. My girlfriend, my friend, and myself are trying to get in to see him.
Me: I apologize man, but I can’t let you in.
Guy: That’s cool man. You’re doing your job. Let me see if I can call him and get him to come let me in.
Me: No problem.
Guy: He didn’t answer. I know you really don’t know me, but I am not here to give you any trouble. Can I run in and say hello?
Me: Since you are being polite about this go ahead man.

I say that’s how it should have went because my fake quote scenario has actually happened multiple times.


Squat: 455×3/440×3/425×3
Reverse Hypers: 100x8x3
DB Rows: 75x6x3
Lat-Pull-Downs: 100x6x3
DB Curls: 30x10x3

Bench: 335×3/320×3/305×3
Press: 165x3x3
DB Incline Bench: 40×10/50×10/60×10
Dips: BWx5x3

10/29/13
Squat: 535
Front Squat: 185x3x3
DE Deadlifts: 225/On the Min/10 Min
Pull-Ups: BWx5x3
DB Curls: 30x10x3

10/28/13
Bench: 370 Paused 340×2 Paused
Dead Bench: 225x1x5
Tricep Push/Pull-Downs: 3×10
Kick-Backs: 3×10

  1. I have tons of respect for you guys who have to deal with horrible people at work all the time. I can imagine being a bouncer is a bit like being a cop: it’s a thankless job where no one likes you until there’s danger. Then you’re the first person they want to see!

    You couldn’t have said it better dude. Part of my major was Criminal Justice. The two fields mirror each other in many ways. No one likes you until they need you. It’s fucking miserable lol.
    –A.C.

  2. Holy crap man. Too bad that it is not possible for some people just to be polite and considerate in that sort of situations, and are entitled pieces of shit. Has probably to do something with the chick that was accompanying him.

    Everybody wants to be somebody. I’m sure he was trying to look cool in front of his gf too.
    –A.C.

  3. I don’t understand why your fist wasn’t through his throat after he gave you lip. I thought you lived in the south?

    It’s not the 80′s anymore lol. I’d get sued so fucking hard.
    –A.C.

  4. Your approach to the bench was not fast enough.

    I was trying to go into it with a little less psych up. Similar to a meet I wouldn’t want to blow my load on an opener
    –A.C.

  5. Hey man, I don’t really get into fights so I wouldn’t really know but wouldn’t the fact that you’re strong at the big 3 mean you could probably take on this big guy pretty well? I was a wrestler in high school and there was this kid who was on the team who was a shit wrestler but could beat our heavyweight at like 190 pounds just cuz he was monstrously strong. I dunno man I feel like lifting heavy makes your body a bit more resilient; I don’t know.

    That is true, to a point.
    –A.C.

    • So even if that guy on your team was using his strength and not technique he would gas when he muscles every move. I’m not a super street fighter but if someone is bigger than me and wants to street fight I am going to look for the quickest way to put him down without sacrificing my defense for when his buddies come.

      All in all street fights are never worth it no matter how big of am asshole is standing infront of you. As a bouncer you never get to go ‘full dalton’ not do you want to once you weigh potential consequences

      You’re right it’s never worth the trouble.
      –A.C.

  6. Rule 1 of bouncing, never remove your hockey mask. Secondly you don’t get paid enough to make it worth your time to get in an pointless altercation. Just know there are probably people that work there and own the place that will ridicule the shit out of the supposed “friends” for being dicks to the staff.
    Thirdly, is it true that Callahan once bench pressed an entire Gold’s gym?

    lol I didn’t know that was rule #1. I’ll keep your advice in mind. That rumors actually false. The real fact was that he once bench pressed an entire Gold’s gym with the Cowboys Cheerleaders in it.
    –A.C.

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