The 70′s Big Face

How To Do The 70′s Big Face



The Face

70′s Big is an attitude that isn’t subtle. It kicks down the door with thickly soled boots ready to rumble. It is rugged with hairy forearms. Underneath one forearm is a case of beer. Under the other is five pounds of barbecue. If there was a grandpa sitting in the corner of the room, he’d say, “They don’t make men like that anymore.” And when Skinny Guy looks at the figure in the doorway with fear, he pleads, “Wh-why did you bring beer? We’re ab-b-b-bout to train.” Our hero replies, “Well, we ain’t training all night, now are we, sweetheart?” He croons his neck forward as the ends of mouth grind down, his eyebrows raise up. He is menacing. He is ready.
He is 70′s Big.





But if you go through that whole scenario and then purse your lips together like you’re about to kiss your grandma or somebody’s ass, then you won’t have the same effect.

Exhibit A: My friend Ben is making some kind of an attempt at the face. While he is strong with a 190kg overhead squat, he fails miserably on this first attempt. ‘A’ for effort though.



Exhbit B. Eric and Antoinette have a similar fate.





There is a common mistake that these three make, and it is the secret to the 70′s Big Face. 70′s Big is a full effort, and the face is the same way. You can’t expect to just move your lips and achieve a look that says, “I’ll be ready to squat once I raze your village.” Here is a step-by-step guide to doing the face.

1. First, get in the right mindset. If you haven’t lifted something heavy, eaten meat, or done some yelling in the previous 24 hours, you probably aren’t ready.



2. This is the most important step of them all, because the face can’t be executed without this step. Protrude your jaw forward as if you were trying to achieve a severe under-bite. This allows you to do the next few steps.


3. Try and pull the corners of your mouth down as far as you can. Maximum distance (not be confused with “maximum jackage”) will be attained if, AND ONLY IF, the jaw is protruded.


4. Try and push the middle of your lips up as far as possible. This will increase the discrepancy between the maximum apex of the height of your lips with the asymptotic drop of the corners of your mouth.


5. Depending on the look you’re going for, adjust your eyes. For a mega-intense face, squint your eyes.


6. Now fix your eye brows. Raising your eyebrows as high as they can go turns a mediocre 70′s Big Face into an excellent 70′s Big Face (this is also a requisite for the mega-intense variation that Chris has patented in 14 countries — see below).


Chris, the crafty veteran


Excellent. Now you have the blueprints for a proper 70′s Big Face. Anything less is…well, it’s just awkward for everybody. Once you have mastered the mega-intense face, you can play around with some variations. Here AC is exhibiting authority with his coaches pass:





Here is what should have been an excellent picture. You’ll notice Brent is TOTALLY fucking up the picture by doing a Hello Kitty smile. Do not be the friend that ruins a good 70′s Big Face group picture. Fucking Brent.



Once you’re a pro, you can start free styling:


35 thoughts on “The 70′s Big Face

  1. brent’s yoke has a different 70′sbig face of its own…but it doesn’t justify his hello kitty smile.

    making faces could be contest material justin….

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  3. Chris does the best 70sBig face.

    Free styling? It looks like he just discovered he has hemorrhoids in the middle of wiping.

    It looks like I’m about to rape and pillage your hometown.

    –A.C.

  4. I have 2 questions:

    -Have any of you considered growing a 70′s big beard? I was thinking a nice neat one – like roger estap, pacino in carlito’s way, rocky in rocky III? I think AC and Mike would look good with one. Or are the rumours true? That none of you guys have the ability to grow beards? :¬o

    My second question is training related:

    I’ve been using TM for snatches. on volume day i have been doing 8 sets of 3 with 85%, on recovery 3 sets of 3, and on intesity i go for a PR single. It worked pretty well.

    I have had a recent brush with overtraining, because i combine all of this with strength work too. As a result my form went to pot.

    So on this volume day, i decided to try something you mentioned on your beginngers programme, where you do a snatch on the minute for 12-15 reps.

    I liked it a lot, and it really allowed me to work on form, and ‘find the groove’. As well as provide good training.

    How could i adapt this for my volume day on TM for snatches??
    Should i do a snatch on the minute for 25 reps or something? and what sort of % of 1rm should i use?

    many thanks,
    R P McMurphy

    I’ve been told a few times that I would look good with a bear, but A. I don’t really like having one and B. It doesn’t grow well enough imo.

    –A.C.

    I do have the potential of growing facial hair, but when grown out it is all over the place and it looks very dirty as seen in the first pic. I hate shaving so it is overgrown most of the time…its worth it overall even though it looks like I live in the woods. Mike looks ASSSOME with a beard, first of all because it has a red tint and second he looks more like a mountain man because he always wears boots with shorts, that or he got a job at UPS. AC can grow some pretty burly chops…

    ~Chris

    1. AC is the youngest one of us, but grows sick facial hair. Brent is Asian. Chris has sporadic, sparsely populated hair. I have blonde facial hair that doesn’t show up well, but right now my burns come down into a handlebar mustache, so that will have to suffice.

    2. Because of their technical nature, the Olympic lifts aren’t typically trained in a TM style program. They don’t respond in the same way as, say, squatting or benching. If you want to stay on a TM style program, you’ll sprinkle the Olympic lifts in. If you want to focus on the Olympic lifts, and you want to compete, then you’ll need a different program to increase their potential. With the Olympic lifts, it’s more than just varying volume and intensity.

    –Justin

  5. @Brent

    Don’t you make me regret writing an awesome comment about your Traps on yesterday’s post. Don’t you dare. Two fictional alpinists died so I could post that comment.

  6. That picture of the 70sbig crew with a wildly out-of-place Brent is hilarious!

    It’s like he’s not even trying to fit in. Different t-shirt, different smile. He’s out on his own. He’s a renegade. A happy, smiling renegade.

  7. I don’t think in all the time that 70sBig.com has been around that I have ever seen Brent rock a 70′s Big face.

    Brent, what’s up with that?

  8. chris is truly a crafty veteran of the face.

    AC’s freestyle made me LOL and that doesnt happen often.

    so, when will you guys run a 70sBig face contest?

    FYI I tried to fart while reading this and I almost just shit myself.

    –A.C.

  9. Randle McMurphy:
    On-the-minute for 25 minutes should work. And I would use 80%+ or so. But if 85% 8×3 was too much work for you so will 25 in 25 min at 85%. The adjustments for the volume day described in PPST can probably keep this going longer as well.

    I gave my thoughts on this on Randle’s original comment. I think there are a lot of other things to worry about with the Olympic lifts before over thinking it this much.

    –Justin

  10. I am a little disappointed that people have to be told how to make a particular facial expression. I was able to recreate it correctly after seeing a picture of Chris and Justin doing it once. Maybe I’m just incredibly talented.

  11. After seeing us be ridiculed when the post went up last night, I tried to make Antoinette do a 3×5 of 70BF practice before bed. I was unsuccessful even though I locked her out on the porch to think about it for awhile. But I’m glad to report that mine is coming along nicely.

    I think the first picture of AC really needs a Dwight Schrute haircut if he really wants it to scream “authority.”

    This made me laugh.

    –Justin

  12. @Randle McMurphy

    Rocky is clean shaven in Rocky III. Stallone has a beard in Rocky IV which would also make it an “80′s” beard since Rocky IV came out in 1985.

  13. I’m not sure about this, but judging by the look on his face and the God of War t-shirt, I’d say AC just wanted to emulate the game and went on a rampage through his apt complex… this probably won’t be helpful in getting some of the things in your apt fixed (if there are any broken things… I’m not trying to pass judgment.) The management staff at those places seem to look down on those who have momentary bouts of insanity/rage (which is a blatant display of discrimination, and that’s justification for a lawsuit, meaning free rent if you win!) Then again maybe it’s just a face…

    Yeah I broke some shit so what?!?!?!?!!

    –A.C.

  14. @ Antionette

    That totally made me LOL for real. Best analogy ever. Also, thanks for the belt advice. I called Best Belts and talked to Dean for about half an hour. He set me up with a great belt custom made exactly for what I need.

    Also, he said he used to be friends with Doug Young and he had some sweet pics that he would send in to the sight at some point. BOLO for that Justin.

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